I Love My Fans


Call me lazy, or even being desperate for content, but my fan mail has been absolutely classic lately.  First I had the guy who thought I was Taco Bell corporate, now I have this doozy from “youdontneedtoknow”.  I wouldn’t have taken this so personally, but it was sent last night while my girlfriend and I were trying to watch Seinfield re-runs.  Specifically, the one where they’re stuck in a parking garage.  Not cool.  I felt a public reponse was required.

From: youdontneedtoknow
June 18th, 2009 at 7:38 pm

Who the hell do you think you are saying pizza hut isn’t good! First of all get your shit right… pizza hut is NOT a fast food place, it is a restaurant so you shouldnt classify them under that crap. Also the pastas ARE meant to feed four people sorry theres fat asses like you that eat like your 3 people. It’s people like you that try to cause the problems with families! If you ate the right proportions you were meant to you would know how it feeds four. Alright so I understand your thought on the commercial it is pretty dumb but the only reason restaurants or fast food places come up with new stuff is to make people like you happy, giving you varieties to pick from. Before you start talking crap about places find out about them first before you start making judgements!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well allow me to retort..

Dear youdontneedtoknow,

First, I would like to remind you that you are reading Epic Portions.  This blog mainly consists of me criticizing food, or talking about large portions of food.  If this is not your cup of tea, I would recommend you switch your daily food blog reading to Serious Eats, or the Pioneer Woman Cooks.

Second, I write a food blog which allows me communicate whatever opinions I like to a public forum.  This means I can say whatever I like about which ever topic I choose.  If you do not like my opinions, feel free to switch your daily blog reading to Serious Eats, or the Pioneer Woman Cooks.  They have more a neutral point of view that may be more for you.

Third, Pizza Hut sucks.  It’s by far the worst pizza I have ever had in my life.  They one upped this by serving the worst pasta I have ever had in my life.  If you disagree with my opinion, feel free to visit PizzaHutfansacrosstheworld.com.  Oh wait, that site doesn’t exist.

Fourth, I have eaten at Pizza Hut, therefore I “found out about them before I started making judgments!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”.  I found out that their food sucks.  See #3.

Fifth, your English/punctuation/spelling is terrible.  Shame on you for not proof reading your comment before sending it.  I feel that the proportions I eat are none of your business!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sixth, why on earth did you feel the need to come on here and defend Pizza Hut?  That’s got me confused.


John and the Epic Portions staff(John)