A Pig Died for This?

Detroit, Food Reviews, Rants

As a carnivore, I have much appreciation for the animals I eat and their overwhelming deliciousness. That is why an experience such as I had this evening pains me so. I went to dinner to celebrate a birthday for a family member at a restaurant in swanky downtown Plymouth, MI called Tavern 1999. I purposely left my camera at home so I could enjoy a meal without having to review or write about the food. I just wanted to enjoy myself and see my nephew and the rest of my family in a non-working capacity. And I would have been able to do that if Tavern 1999 didn’t destroy my pork chops.

I loooooove pork chops. When I make them at home I use Jamaican Jerk seasoning and they are mine and my son’s favorite. The pork chop is a forgiving cut of meat, season it well, and DON’T OVERCOOK THE MEAT OR IT WILL BE TOO DRY!!! Well guess what the barbarians at Tavern 1999 did? They overcooked my damn pork chop. Not just by a little, they sucked all the delicious pork juice out in a food faux pas most foul. I almost cried, not for me, but for the poor pig. This was a culinary crime, a pig died to be turned into a dry, overcooked piece of shoe leather. That ain’t right.

Doubly infuriating was that along with my pork chop flambe, Tavern 1999 served the most delicious cole slaw I’ve had in a long time. How do you fuck up a pork chop that bad but put so much attention into cole slaw? They used some kind of seedy stone ground mustard in the slaw dressing and it was outstanding. And in the interest of fairness I had a bite of the “St. Louis Style” Ribs and they were very good. As I am originally from the S-T-L, I felt they did justice to the ribs. My man Nelly would be proud.

In short, Tavern 1999 may be a decent restaurant, but my displeasure with them runs deep. Don’t overcook my pork chop, you amateurs. They need to apologize to all of pigdom for the way they treated the poor beast that ended up on my plate.