Why, Guy?

Funny, Randoms, Rants

Guy Fieri, serious chef or buffoonish clown?

The game show.  The continued existence of this worthless type of television program is exhibit A for evolution deniers.  And who can argue with them?  There was a time when the latest offering from Euripides, Shakespeare, or even Kubrick was there for medication of the masses.  Now, it only takes a quick perusal of network tv to find some worthless piece of dreck that kills more brain cells in an hour than a weekend in Amsterdam.

Why write about game shows on a food website?  Perceptive question.  Please indulge me as to how we have arrived at this unfortunate place.  Last week, between watching the inspiring visage of Lindsey Vonn and the glorious competition known as Curling, I caught one of NBC’s ridiculous new show promos.  Was it Law and Order:  Restaurant Health Inspector?  A new sitcom about a mismatched pair of ex-cops (starring Don Johnson and Edward James Olmos) who open a pizzeria in Miami called Miami Slice?  No, it was much worse, my friends.  It was a game show called A Minute to Win it.  Apparently people without lives are called on to engage in an act of stupidity for one minute so they can win money.  What makes this so appalling?  The host is none other than our old friend, Guy Fieri.

We’ve had some fun with Guy here at EP.  If you are a quasi-regular reader you probably know we don’t think very highly of Guy.  In our opinion he is a buffoonish cartoon character.  When he was nominated for an EPIE Award for worst male personality, there was a howl of indignation from a small but vocal minority.  He didn’t win, thanks to the general asshattery of Bobby Flay, but poor Guy shouldn’t get too complacent, there is always next year.

What are you, Guy?  Are you a chef or a clown?  Was there a cooler version of you from 10 years ago, that if offered a time machine would travel into the future to kick your butt for even thinking about hosting a game show?  I have to say that all signs point to you being a clown.  And that is sad.  I didn’t care when you did commercials for TGI Fridays.  You want to make a little extra money before your 15 minutes expire, go for it, at least it was food related.  I won’t judge you for that.  But you can be damn sure that I will judge you for hosting a game show.

You see, Guy puts forth a certain image.  He has a few tats, he has spikey hair, and he wears his sunglasses in an unorthodox manner.  I suppose one could say that if he wears a clown suit, why is it wrong for him to behave like one?  The answer is simple; there are chefs out there with spikey hair, tats and unorthodox sunglass wearing methods who aren’t clowns.  They have style, they have flava.  They deserve better than being compared to Guy the Game Show Host.  Now, thanks to Guy Fieri they will be seen as not being serious chefs, fodder for poorly paid food bloggers to expose in overlong rants.

So again, why should we here at Epic Portions take Guy seriously if he doesn’t?  Beneath his exterior, I’m sure Guy fancies himself a serious chef.  Well guess what, by hosting a game show you no longer qualify as a serious chef, Guy.  Enjoy taking a big bite out of the raw cassava that is celebrity, it will poison you long after your game show and triple D days are over.

To those who were upset with our EPIE nom for worst personality for Guy, I throw down the gauntlet to you.  Defend this.  Make yourself watch the game show (make it quick, it probably won’t last long) and defend him.  I bet he throws out the same tired one-liners he has been saying since he started.

You are old and busted Guy, Adam Richman is the new hotness.  Someday you will have to head back to your restaurant to regain respectability.  But remember, your sous chef, line cooks, and dishwashers are laughing at you, not with you.