Food Network: The Movie

Funny, Randoms

Ugh…as if this wasn’t bad enough, our spies have uncovered another Food Network Movie Project.

Executive Producer Jerry Bruckheimer 


FN Films presents: 

un film de Jean-Pierre Jeunet 

Tom Cruise as Bobby Flay 


Nicole Kidman as Sandra Lee 


Mouths Wide Open 


Are you ready for a couch jumping Throwdown?

Also Starring: 

Jeff Daniels as Alton Brown

Daniel Day-Lewis as Emeril Lagasse

I'm going to teach you to julienne carrots with this knife!!!!

 Courtney Cox as Rachael Ray

Jessica Simpson as Giada De Laurentiis

The Rock as Robert Irvine

Tyler Perry as Paula Deen

Ice Cube as Pat Neely

Regina Hall as Gina Neely

Jason Bateman as Tyler Florence

Bart Simpson as Guy Fieri

That burrito is on point, man.

Queen Latifah as Sunny Anderson

Ewan McGregor as Ted Allen

Azrael the Cat as Alex Guarnaschelli 

Azrael the Cat as Alex Guarnaschelli and Gargamel as Aaron Sanchez

Robert DeNiro as Mario Batali

Piper Perabo as Kat Cora 

Piper Perabo as Iron Chef Cora

Samuel L. Jackson as Aaron McCargo Jr.

Tina Fey as Robin Miller

Guy Fieri as Anne Burrell

Zooey Deschanel as Aida Mollenkamp 

500 Days of Aida


Colin Firth as Gordon Ramsay

Seth Rogan as Adam Richman


George Clooney as Anthony Bourdain

Editor’s Note:  We have been notified that Bart Simpson has refused to portray Guy Fieri.  Mr. Simpson was quoted as saying “I don’t want to play some lame-ass game show host, man.  I have standards.”  The role of Guy Fieri will now be played by Samuel L. Jackson, who will play multiple roles a la Peter Sellers in Dr. Strangelove. that burger is money.

Editor’s Second Note:  Daniel Day-Lewis’ routine of character immersion and method acting has led to his retirement (again) from making movies.  Mr. Day-Lewis now owns and operates his own restaurant, “The Last of the Crustaceans” in Lake Charles, Louisiana where he currently resides.

I abandoned my career!!!

 Editor’s Third (and final) Note:  We have been notified that Samuel L. Jackson has left the project and refuses to portray Guy Fieri.  He was last heard storming off the set while yelling “I want these motherfucking sunglasses, off the back of my motherfucking head!”  The role of Aaron McCargo Jr. will now be played by Curtis (50 Cent) Jackson and the role of Guy Fieri will be played by Corey Feldman.

Corey Feldman as Guy Fieri