Ugh…as if this wasn’t bad enough, our spies have uncovered another Food Network Movie Project.
Executive Producer Jerry Bruckheimer
FN Films presents:
un film de Jean-Pierre Jeunet
Tom Cruise as Bobby Flay
Nicole Kidman as Sandra Lee
Mouths Wide Open
Jeff Daniels as Alton Brown
Daniel Day-Lewis as Emeril Lagasse
Courtney Cox as Rachael Ray
Jessica Simpson as Giada De Laurentiis
The Rock as Robert Irvine
Tyler Perry as Paula Deen
Ice Cube as Pat Neely
Regina Hall as Gina Neely
Jason Bateman as Tyler Florence
Bart Simpson as Guy Fieri
Ewan McGregor as Ted Allen
Azrael the Cat as Alex Guarnaschelli
Robert DeNiro as Mario Batali
Piper Perabo as Kat Cora
Samuel L. Jackson as Aaron McCargo Jr.
Tina Fey as Robin Miller
Guy Fieri as Anne Burrell
Zooey Deschanel as Aida Mollenkamp
Colin Firth as Gordon Ramsay
Seth Rogan as Adam Richman
George Clooney as Anthony Bourdain
Editor’s Note: We have been notified that Bart Simpson has refused to portray Guy Fieri. Mr. Simpson was quoted as saying “I don’t want to play some lame-ass game show host, man. I have standards.” The role of Guy Fieri will now be played by Samuel L. Jackson, who will play multiple roles a la Peter Sellers in Dr. Strangelove.
Editor’s Second Note: Daniel Day-Lewis’ routine of character immersion and method acting has led to his retirement (again) from making movies. Mr. Day-Lewis now owns and operates his own restaurant, “The Last of the Crustaceans” in Lake Charles, Louisiana where he currently resides.
Editor’s Third (and final) Note: We have been notified that Samuel L. Jackson has left the project and refuses to portray Guy Fieri. He was last heard storming off the set while yelling “I want these motherfucking sunglasses, off the back of my motherfucking head!” The role of Aaron McCargo Jr. will now be played by Curtis (50 Cent) Jackson and the role of Guy Fieri will be played by Corey Feldman.