Your eyes are not deceiving you. What follows is a review of Bud Light Golden Wheat. Why, you ask? Did I fall and hit my head? Did I recently give up self-mutilation and feel a need to wound myself? No to all. We’ve seen the commercials and wondered. I have written glowingly about Budweiser American Ale, and stand by those writings. Could Anheuser-Busch/InBev or whatever the hell they call themselves now strike gold two times? I was curious to find out…
Not so curious to try it before now. If you are a price conscious beer shopper, then you may have noticed that a six pack of Bud Light Golden Wheat is priced at $7.49. I’m not that curious, especially considering a six pack of Leiny’s Sunset Wheat is $6.99 and Bell’s Oberon is $7.99. Anyone who would choose Golden Wheat over those two at that price is insane, stupid, or some horrifying combination of the two. But this past weekend, it was on sale for $5.99. Why not go for it? I justified it by saying I could write a review; such is my love for you, dear Epic Portions readers that I was willing to not only purchase Bud Light Golden Wheat, but consume it as well, all for your knowledge and edification.
But is it that bad? How low were my expectations? If on a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being the beer equivalent of fermented horse urine, and 10 being the most delicious wheat beer ever (Hoegaarden), I was hoping for a 5 or 6. Something akin to Blue Moon Light. Not totally unrealistic considering that the aforementioned Bud American Ale is a very solid amber ale.
Quite often the word FAIL is casually tossed around, but after trying Bud Light Golden Wheat I now believe the use of FAIL was intended specifically for this product. It is wretched. The bottle claims it is brewed with, “coriander and citrus peels.” I defy anyone to tell me they can taste either in Golden Wheat. I couldn’t taste coriander, I couldn’t taste citrus, but I could sure as hell taste Bud Light. Even after drinking five of them, I still couldn’t taste either. And at 4.1% alcohol, I was unable to drink myself into a state of no longer caring. I stumbled upstairs to bed, knowing that I would awaken the next morning with a shame not felt by yours truly since I was single. Waking up next to Golden Wheat made me feel like I needed to bathe in disinfectant.
Surely some kind of sexually transmitted disease was passed on when these two hooked up
On a side note, written on the bottle is the following: “Unflitered wheat beer will settle. Roll gently to mix.” Not to go all beer snob on them, but do they mean DECANT? I’m supposed to decant my bottle of Bud Light Golden Wheat?!?! And like an idiot I did! I spent an hour apologizing to my frosty mug for subjecting it to Golden Wheat. Trust me, you haven’t really suffered from humiliation until a frosty mug has called you a “sorry-ass piece of shit.” Time to take up self-mutilation, I suppose.
Great pain and suffering can produce great art, and while I am no artist I did compose a haiku to cleanse myself of the befouling beast of Golden Wheat:
bud light golden wheat
a golden shower of shame
summer beer failure
Article by Jeremy Rosenberg
After seven years in show business I have retired to be a stay-at-home Dad to my six year old son and one year old daughter. I love Epic Portions, I get to work from home all week except for Friday, which is always casual day at the office anyway. No more ties for me!!!!
Jeremy has written 72 other articles.
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{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }
Good to know, I was curious about this one as well.
Hoegarden is a great beer, but I strongly recommend Leinenkugel’s sunset wheat: even better.
Golden shower of shame.. Hahahahahahah. We’ve been pretty brutal lately. I think I need to give something a good review tomorrow.
While it is absurdly overpriced and I do agree that it pales in comparison to many micro-brews and other quality crafted beverages, I feel as if your review was a little harsh.
Personally I set my standards pretty low, and was actually pleasantly surprised. In fact, I prefer it to American Ale (and I’m a dark beer drinker!).
Basically, it’s my opinion that If you go in thinking Bud Light, it will exceed your expectations. If you partake in the experience with the notion that this will be a beer you must decant, you will feel the inevitable shame of feeling pretentious as you sit on your couch with a shitty beer contemplating where it all went wrong.
Come on. Drink But Light and pretend you’re not drinking Bud Light?
@ Rod – I have much love for Sunset Wheat, that is why I mentioned it in the post. Not much of a fan of Leiny’s other offerings, but Sunset Wheat is terrific.
@Frog – If Golden Wheat is going to charge $7.49 as their regular price than I have to judge it accordingly. Expecting a “Blue Moon Light” as I stated was not unrealistic or unfair. We will have to agree to disagree on this, and on American Ale. Also, I felt no shame for trying it, the shame is Bud LIght’s for missing a golden oppourtunity (pun intended) to create a distinct wheat beer.
Glad you are still into self mutilation.
somehow I saw the mention of Oberon (yet to try) but missed the lieny. I wouldn’t mind seeing you guys do reviews on some of the more widely available craft brews..liked the sierra nevada review a few weeks back.
I’m not a fan of Bud’s Golden Wheat either. For some reason my wife loves the stuff. I do find it odd though. Where I live it’s priced the same as Bud Light, which is below $6 for a six pack, and below $10 for a twelve pack.
That’s the thing… AB wants craft/micro prices for their terrible interpretations of quality beer. They’re too greedy and too egotistical thinking they can pounce on the craft market and thinking beer consumers are stupid. BMC is great to get drunk off of and they need to stick to that. Leave the quality to the experts and stop trying to bully them off the shelves!
Jeremy, I’m shocked. I tried a Michelob Porter once, and after readjusting my palette from the keg of the aforementioned Leiny’s Sunset Wheat that had provided the majority of my calories over the prior week, I immediately wrote off the notion of a macro brewery making anything other than cheap swill (elitist of me, I know). I do have to admit that over the last year and a half my situation has mandated that I drink cheap swill on several occasions, much to my immediate regret and eternal shame, but only to avoid a serious faux pas or serious bodily harm. I even drank a goodly quantity of José Cuervo once. Ugh.