I had to go to the mall, a place I try to avoid at all costs, the other day to have my iPod looked out by the too cool tech-geeks at the Apple Store, when I saw something that made me cringe in what was almost actual, physical pain. No, it wasn’t unfettered consumerism at its overpriced worst. It wasn’t bad mall food, as our local mall here in Ann Arbor actually boasts a couple of decent eateries: Sushi Café (yes, sushi at the mall and it is delicious) and Chipotle. It was a cupcake kiosk.
When did the cupcakes invade and why have we let them take over? A kiosk at the mall, a store devoted entirely to cupcakes just off Main Street in Ann Arbor, and my DirecTV has 250 channels, 90% of which are devoted to cupcakes all of the sudden. It seems I can’t go to a party or function without some too cute dessert with pink frosting staring at me.
This is what we are up against, my friends. Let's kill it before it has a chance to breed.
I don’t have anything against dessert, but I am more of a main course kind of person. The cookie will always hold a special place in my heart, but I’d take fried chicken or cheesy potatoes over dessert any day. So I ask again, what is the deal with cupcakes? They can certainly be delicious, but so are bacon smores and I don’t see kiosks at the mall for them. Besides, cupcakes suffer from many of the same issues as muffins do. The top is inevitably more delicious, but enveloping a full cupcake bite leads to frosting on the nose. Not a good look for a man. The solution is to lop the top off. I just don’t trust a dessert that needs to be mutilated to achieve full deliciousness.
The working theory I have about their popularity is that they are portable cakes, and if there is one thing we Americans love, it is portable, fattening, sugar-laden food. But they are also cute, which annoys the hell out of me. At my son’s school, every Mom had to be Sandra Lee and make some pink princess designed cupcake or Spiderman themed cupcake for their little snowflake’s birthday. (If they have to be Sandra Lee the least they could have done was bring cocktails for the adults, but I digress.) Call me a rebel, but I made chocolate chip cookies for my son’s kindergarten class on his birthday. And yes, I do bake when I have to, if I have to be a stay-at-home Dad you can damn well be sure I’m going to make some cookies. Delicious ones, too. Might as well fully embrace where life has taken me…
I was going to include a review of Cupcake Wars, but our friends at Would I Buy It Again did a solid, in depth review and I would rather direct you to their page than force myself to watch it. Besides, it surely would have been a hateful rant and I like to limit those, otherwise you will be desensitized to them. Can’t have that happen. As for cupcake shows, no thank you. I can’t stand Ace of Cakes either; Duff is actually pretty cool but baking shows in general are not on my list of things to watch. Ever. I even turn Alton Brown off when he is baking.
Just like Jeff Goldblum in Independence Day, let me warn all of the impeding invasion of the cupcakes. Maybe it is too late. Their saturation is close to critical mass. In the mean time, I’ll be in the corner with a bucket of fried chicken.
Article by Jeremy Rosenberg
After seven years in show business I have retired to be a stay-at-home Dad to my six year old son and one year old daughter. I love Epic Portions, I get to work from home all week except for Friday, which is always casual day at the office anyway. No more ties for me!!!!
Jeremy has written 72 other articles.
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{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }
You know, I love cupcakes as much as the next girl, but I’m with you on this one. The cupcake place just off of Main, though, is the best one in town.
Cupcakes… bacon… I love it all! Not being a dessert person makes it understandable that you can’t appreciate the lovely wonder of portable cake. And to properly eat a cupcake (this was discussed not long ago on EP!) is to lop off the bottom and then PUT IT ON TOP! So you have cake, icing, cake… a cupcake sandwich… frosting up the nose averted! I’m actually making tomato soup cupcakes this weekend. I don’t care about watching someone else make cupcakes but I love making and eating yummy cupcakes… AND I will always love bacon. Can’t bacon and cupcakes live in harmony?? I think yes.
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with cupcakes as long as they’re served at birthday parties and other social gatherings. Once cupcakes dominate retail establishments and my television programming it’s a little ridiculous. They’re cupcakes. Come on now.
The issue that I have with the cupcake place in the mall is that I believe the one you mentioned is called “Just Baked”. They started in Livonia and have been spreading all around, they recently opened a shop in Ann Arbor by the Roadhouse. But they call them self “Just Baked” but they aren’t even close to being just baked. They do all there baking and decorating out of the central location in Livonia and ship them around to the other stores and locations they have. To me they just really seem to not live up to there name.
As for bacon and cupcakes I must say it is a real winner. I made these delicious Maple and Bacon cupcakes and they were heaven. It tasted like breakfast all in one bite. I candied the bacon to add that little extra touch and everyone that tried them just wanted more
Funny that you should mention cupcakes as a guy at my work has recently started making cupcake runs to Cake Neuveau once a week. It’s not often that I want to pay $10 for half a dozen cupcakes, but damn. Their selection is diverse and tasty. And buttercream frosting makes me think of weddings.
As a rule, I think of cupcakes as a kid’s food. I always break them in half before eating to minimize the amount I end up wearing–it turns out that once a gal turns 30, it’s no longer cute to have cupcake smeared across one’s face. Plus, I don’t really see the point of painstakingly decorating something that would taste just as good with some freshly whipped cream slapped on top.
Judging from the 10 minutes total I have seen from this entire season of Cupcake Wars, is it me, or is everyone who owns a cupcake bakery a complete douchebag? I have never seen one industry so drama filled for no apparent reason, just shut the fuck up and make the god damned cupcake.
this ‘follow me’ thing on the side of the page is fucking annoying, this is the last page i’ll ever view on this site.