Papa John’s Pizza Sucks: A Rant

by Jeremy on January 28, 2013 · 16 comments

My food blogging days may be well in my rear view mirror, but my bullshit meter is still on high alert.  Today, while I was perusing Politico, I found this interesting tidbit.  Apparently Papa John’s doesn’t like the fact that their douchebag owner (you know, the clown on all their commercials) is being portrayed as slobbering over Mitt Romney in the election.  Which he was.  I’m not going to get political, that battle has been fought and this is a food website, and food bloggers are for the most part wise enough to leave politics out of the equation.  Someone forgot to tell DB John that it is the prudent businessman who remains publically apolitical.

This led to some bloggers claiming that DB John said he was going to raise prices on their crappy pies because of the outright tyranny of Obamacare.  While this claim was false, it has been ignored that the real offense commited by Papa John’s pizza is that they suck. 

You know their stupid tagline, “Better Ingredients, Better Pizza”?  It was challenged in court by another pizza company that shall remain nameless (rhymes with Schmizza Schmut) who also serves a sub-par pie.  Seems like there was some doubt as to whether or not Papa John’s was actually using “better ingredients.”  Turns out the green peppers and tomatoes they were using were pretty much the same garden-variety (pun intended) ingredients as everyone else.  Their defense?   They said that “better ingredients” was a claim of personal taste and not intended to be taken literally.  Also known as…bullshit.

Perhaps rather than cracking down on food blogger folk (and believe me, the best folk on earth are food blogger folk), Papa John should work on making a better pie and putting together a better marketing campaign.  The owner is a tool, and his gargantuan toolness shines through the TV with stunning clarity.  Why would anyone knowingly by a pizza from that clown?

Now, if you will excuse me I’m going to crawl back into my hole…Peace.

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{ 16 comments… read them below or add one }

BBP January 29, 2013 at 1:02 pm

I still have your page bookmarked and check it multiple times a week in hopes of a new blog post!!! You were one of the first food blogs I ever read! I miss this blog so much. This post made me laugh SO MUCH. Papa John’s is absolutely disgusting, and DB John (as you wonderfully put it) looks like a flat out creep to me.

John February 4, 2013 at 11:41 am

There have been talks of getting the gang back together. We shall see.

BillyZoom February 5, 2013 at 10:56 am

Even that fag Toddy?

nubwaxer April 7, 2013 at 11:43 pm

pappy john schnatter forgets to mention a couple of facts. 1. every other food joint and every other business has to take into account the affordable care act. 2. there are a number of costs that could rise and affect retail prices: fuel costs for shipping supplies and fuel prices at his locations can rise and fall. his ingredient costs could rise as well. and finally, but the least likely variable would be the other pizza joints raising wages which would pull workers away if he did not match his competitors. lashing out at your employees as the reason your profits aren’t as big as your greedy stock holders want is just bad business and poor labor relations policy.

sadoshittee April 10, 2013 at 12:14 am

You made some decent points there. I looked on the internet for the issue and found most people will go along with along with your website.

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BillyZoom April 11, 2013 at 11:27 am

Toddy got dicks to eat. No time for websites.

Obamao April 12, 2013 at 7:36 pm

Just happened to stumble upon this food blog. It looked kind of interesting. Imagine my surprise to find it is inhabited by leftwing douchebags.

BillyZoom April 19, 2013 at 2:34 pm

Is Toddy the only one on this website that takes it up the ass?

raspberry ketones June 14, 2013 at 7:23 am

My brother recommended I might like this blog.

He was entirely right. This post truly made my day.

You cann’t imagine just how much time I had spent for this information! Thanks!

Joe June 15, 2013 at 7:41 pm

“Food blogs shouldn’t be political”

*proceeds to go on political rant*

BillyZoom June 30, 2013 at 3:40 pm

Toddy, I know your gay porn site is your priority now, but seriously? How about a little love for your original web site?

James Franco September 6, 2013 at 3:07 am

Hello there! This blog post couldn’t be written any better!
Going through this article reminds me of my previous roommate!

He constantly kept preaching about this. I’ll send this
post to him. Fairly certain he will have a good
read. Thanks for sharing!

joedirt November 17, 2013 at 9:11 pm

Without a doubt the worst over pizza that I have ever eaten…

joedirt November 17, 2013 at 9:12 pm

Worst over all

tbbtl November 17, 2013 at 10:53 pm

C O M E B A C K.

Rosalina June 7, 2014 at 1:47 am

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I love thee knowledge you provide here and can’t waiit to
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