Papa John’s Pizza Sucks: A Rant

by Jeremy on January 28, 2013 · 23 comments

My food blogging days may be well in my rear view mirror, but my bullshit meter is still on high alert.  Today, while I was perusing Politico, I found this interesting tidbit.  Apparently Papa John’s doesn’t like the fact that their douchebag owner (you know, the clown on all their commercials) is being portrayed as slobbering over Mitt Romney in the election.  Which he was.  I’m not going to get political, that battle has been fought and this is a food website, and food bloggers are for the most part wise enough to leave politics out of the equation.  Someone forgot to tell DB John that it is the prudent businessman who remains publically apolitical.

This led to some bloggers claiming that DB John said he was going to raise prices on their crappy pies because of the outright tyranny of Obamacare.  While this claim was false, it has been ignored that the real offense commited by Papa John’s pizza is that they suck. 

You know their stupid tagline, “Better Ingredients, Better Pizza”?  It was challenged in court by another pizza company that shall remain nameless (rhymes with Schmizza Schmut) who also serves a sub-par pie.  Seems like there was some doubt as to whether or not Papa John’s was actually using “better ingredients.”  Turns out the green peppers and tomatoes they were using were pretty much the same garden-variety (pun intended) ingredients as everyone else.  Their defense?   They said that “better ingredients” was a claim of personal taste and not intended to be taken literally.  Also known as…bullshit.

Perhaps rather than cracking down on food blogger folk (and believe me, the best folk on earth are food blogger folk), Papa John should work on making a better pie and putting together a better marketing campaign.  The owner is a tool, and his gargantuan toolness shines through the TV with stunning clarity.  Why would anyone knowingly by a pizza from that clown?

Now, if you will excuse me I’m going to crawl back into my hole…Peace.

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