Summer Beer Festival is over and before I comment on my favorites I would like to point out the awesomeness that is Ypsilanti.  Thousands upon thousands of beer drinkers, many of whom were inebriated (myself included), and the crowd was amazing.  Everyone was friendly and why not, we were drinking incredible beer.  Rain and swamp-like conditions be damned, it was one of those happy to be alive moments.

I tasted so many beers that before I announce my favorite here are the honorable mentions:

Copper Canyon Ginger Kids Revenge Imperial Red

Frog Island Bengal IPA

Big Buck Lemon Summer Ale

Dark Horse Crooked Tree IPA

Founders Black Biscuit

However, my award for beer of the Festival goes to:

Dragonmead Redwing Raspberry Wheat – Perfect for a warm summer evening, hint of raspberry that really comes alive with the finish.  For me to pick anything with the words “Red” and “Wing” in it is amazing in and of itself, as I am certainly NOT a fan of the local hockey team. However, even with that handicap Dragonmead’s Raspberry wins.  Also, Dragonmead is a really bad-ass name.

Special award for Most Interesting Beer goes to our friends at Bastone Brewery for their Peanut Butter Ale.  Refreshing and delicious.  Seriously.

The best tent and overall brewer award goes to Gaylord, MI’s own Big Buck Brewery.  Their Lemon Summer Ale was a revelation, damn near a winner overall.  Also, they made an ice cream stout that was unbelievably delicious.

Kudos to the Michigan Brewers Guild for a fine event.  Let it be known to all that Michigan is the United States capital for microbrews, so says Epic Portions.  I’ll put our group up against any other state.

Good night and good luck.

Your eyes are not deceiving you.  What follows is a review of Bud Light Golden Wheat.  Why, you ask?  Did I fall and hit my head?  Did I recently give up self-mutilation and feel a need to wound myself?  No to all.  We’ve seen the commercials and wondered. I have written glowingly about Budweiser American Ale, and stand by those writings.  Could Anheuser-Busch/InBev or whatever the hell they call themselves now strike gold two times?  I was curious to find out…

Not so curious to try it before now.  If you are a price conscious beer shopper, than you may have noticed that a six pack of Bud Light Golden Wheat is priced at $7.49.  I’m not that curious, especially considering a six pack of Leiny’s Sunset Wheat is $6.99 and Bell’s Oberon is $7.99.  Anyone who would choose Golden Wheat over those two at that price is insane, stupid, or some horrifying combination of the two.  But this past weekend, it was on sale for $5.99.  Why not go for it?  I justified it by saying I could write a review; such is my love for you, dear Epic Portions readers that I was willing to not only purchase Bud Light Golden Wheat, but consume it as well, all for your knowledge and edification. 

But is it that bad?  How low were my expectations?  If on a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being the beer equivalent of fermented horse urine, and 10 being the most delicious wheat beer ever (Hoegaarden), I was hoping for a 5 or 6.  Something akin to Blue Moon Light.  Not totally unrealistic considering that the aforementioned Bud American Ale is a very solid amber ale.

Quite often the word FAIL is casually tossed around, but after trying Bud Light Golden Wheat I now believe the use of FAIL was intended specifically for this product.  It is wretched.  The bottle claims it is brewed with, “coriander and citrus peels.”  I defy anyone to tell me they can taste either in Golden Wheat.  I couldn’t taste coriander, I couldn’t taste citrus, but I could sure as hell taste Bud Light.  Even after drinking five of them, I still couldn’t taste either.  And at 4.1% alcohol, I was unable to drink myself into a state of no longer caring.  I stumbled upstairs to bed, knowing that I would awaken the next morning with a shame not felt by yours truly since I was single.  Waking up next to Golden Wheat made me feel like I needed to bathe in disinfectant.

Surely some kind of sexually transmitted disease was passed on when these two hooked up

On a side note, written on the bottle is the following:  “Unflitered wheat beer will settle.  Roll gently to mix.”  Not to go all beer snob on them, but do they mean DECANT?  I’m supposed to decant my bottle of Bud Light Golden Wheat?!?!  And like an idiot I did!  I spent an hour apologizing to my frosty mug for subjecting it to Golden Wheat.  Trust me, you haven’t really suffered from humiliation until a frosty mug has called you a “sorry-ass piece of shit.”  Time to take up self-mutilation, I suppose.

Great pain and suffering can produce great art, and while I am no artist I did compose a haiku to cleanse myself of the befouling beast of Golden Wheat:

bud light golden wheat

a golden shower of shame

summer beer failure

Another reason to keep drinking those giant bottles of green tea (John) and overflowing glasses of red wine (Todd):

“In what could lead to a major advance in the treatment of prostate cancer, scientists now know exactly why polyphenols in red wine and green tea inhibit cancer growth. This new discovery explains how antioxidants in red wine and green tea produce a combined effect to disrupt an important cell signaling pathway necessary for prostate cancer growth.“

Cheers!

Delicious! And Good for you!

I was at my local Kroger a couple weeks ago when I spotted a vague sign for something called Summerfest.  Without thinking much of it, I wondered if it was some summer concert series with a mismatched amalgamation of bands.  Ani DiFranco, Slipknot and Death Cab for Cutie on stage all together!  Turns out it was a beer display, which brought much joy to my heart.

According to Kroger, summer beer begins with Bud Select, Miller Lite Chill, Bud Light and Labatt Blue.  But located on the bottom of the pile was something I had never laid eyes on before.  It read:  Sierra Nevada Summerfest Lager.  I was very excited, “Look Evie, Summerfest Beer from Sierra Nevada!,” I exclaimed to my one year old daughter.  Ignoring the looks from the super judgey Moms around me, I grabbed a 12 pack and added it to my cart. 

Sierra Nevada Summerfest Lager

Summerfest advertises itself as a “pilsner style lager” which prepared me for something new from my old buddies from Chico, CA.  This wasn’t going to be the hoppy blast of their amazing pale ale or their rich smoky stout.  I prepared my taste buds with some homemade Mexicali Dip and popped open my first bottle.

The first drink went down very crisp, with a lemony flavor.  I could tell this was going to be a very light drinking experience, the kind of beer that demands you have more than one.  But what hit me the most was the pleasant floral finish, something akin to what you get from Sierra Nevada’s Pale Ale, but very subtle.  It made what was going to be a good beer, very good, bordering on great.  All in all a very solid effort, easily in the same league as Sam Adams Summer Ale and Bell’s Oberon to name two.

If you expect a pleasurable drinking experience from Sierra Nevada Summerfest, you will not be disappointed.  Overall, I recommend that the beer loving EP readership give Summerfest a shot.  It will not disappoint, and provides a new and welcome addition to the summer beer selection.

Too often in this world we don’t get a chance to tell those we care about how we feel until it is too late.  Well, I’m not going to let that happen to me!  Trader Joe’s, you are awesome and I love you.  From your delicious trail mixes, specialty beer, three buck Chuck, pre-cooked chicken sausage (amazing), sauces and desserts, to the way you rip off my iPod every time I shop there. The last two times I went there TJ’s was piping in Radiohead and Bob Marley.  When was the last time you heard Radiohead at a grocery store?

TJ's never leaves me High and Dry.

As for delicious food, I would specifically like to speak about several different TJ’s specialties that have won my heart.  For an appetizer, start with Trader Joe’s Horseradish Hummus and Trader Joe’s Pita Chips.  Combine these two and life is grand.  I had never found a horseradish hummus before I first spotted it at TJ’s and have seen it nowhere else since.  Too bad?  Not really, because no one could do it as well as TJ anyway.

Trader Joe's Horseradish Hummus

What better way to wash down horseradish hummus than beer?  TJ’s has a wonderful beer selection, but I usually get Trader Joe’s Bavarian Hefeweizen. 

TJ's Hefeweizen

Delicious and refreshing, I have yet to wear this out and move on to another of TJ’s beer offerings, but no doubt I eventually will.  And that one will be great as well. 

Finally, I have to say a word about the greatest sandwich cookie known to man or beast.  The Joe-Joe.  Joe-Joe’s would be best described as similar to an Oreo, but some of the greatest minds in cookie engineering have made a better cookie. 

Joe-Joe's. Eat and squawk loudly.

The tops of the cookies easily peel away if, like my son, you enjoy removing the top of the cookie and eating the crème filling.  Oreo has not mastered this trick and it is still possible to break your Oreo (especially if you are six) when you try to unscrew the lid.  Unforgivable.  Joe-Joe’s also have about as much crème as a Double Stuff Oreo, so they are more robust on top of their superior engineering.  TJ’s offers them in three flavors:  vanilla cookie with vanilla crème filling, chocolate cookie with vanilla crème filling, and my favorite, chocolate cookie with chocolate crème filling.  They used to offer a chocolate cookie with a peanut butter filling that was incredible but it has been discontinued.  I never received a satisfactory answer as to why they did this, but years ago I sent a dead fish wrapped in newspaper to TJ’s Corporate HQ and feel better about the whole thing now.  Ain’t no time to hate.  Amazing how the sending of a dead fish washes away the anger…

I plan to have a segment in the future called “Jeremy and Trader Joe’s Semi-Homemade is better than Sandra Lee’s.”  In that feature I will show how you can make a healthy and delicious dinner for a family in 20 minutes (suck on it Rachael Ray) using products purchased at TJ’s (except for shallots, which I use a lot and TJ’s does not carry.)  I often say that we here at Epic Portions have the most intelligent readership on the web, and most of you have brains and know how to combine pre-made ingredients.  I don’t think I’m some kind of genius, but since cooking duties are mine every night I appreciate a simple, healthy meal that tastes good, the kids like, and saves me a little time and effort.  Contrary to popular belief, making dinner every night with a six year old and a one year old roaming loose in the house is not the easiest thing in the world.  If my time savers can help anyone with similar duties and keep them from watching Sandra Lee than I have done something positive.  And I promise, no tablescape bullshit.

So there it is, TJ’s.  It doesn’t matter if you feel the same about me, or that your cashier made my daughter cry, I still love you.  Maybe next time I’m there you can dim the lights and play some Barry White.  I can’t get enough of your horseradish hummus, babe.

I was introduced to Dragon 88 years ago by friends. Dragon was a good gathering spot during college and has, to my knowledge, been around for years.  Legend has it that the restaurant opened in 1988, which also happens to be the year  of the dragon in the Chinese calendar.  There used to be a Chinese restaurant called Honolulu in neighboring Westboro, MA.  Dragon 88 started when a handful of Honolulu employees decided they wanted to start their own restaurant.  They left the Honolulu and started the Dragon.

A Chinese man named Dave (yes, that’s right, Dave) is the owner/bartender and is the creator of the legendary Dragon 88 Mai Tai. This is probably one of the strongest, if not the strongest, alcoholic beverages that you can buy in a bar.  A Chinese man by the name of Sanford (yes, Sanford) used to work as the host of Dragon 88 several years ago.  One night  after consuming several Mai Tais, I asked Sanford “What exactly does Dave put in these things?”  His answer:  ”Rum, rum, and more rum!”

To gauge the strength of a Dragon 88 Mai Tai requires comparisons to flammable liquids.  When the Mai Tai is on the weak side – still about 10x stronger than a normal drink from any other restaurant – one might say it tastes like lighter fluid, with a hint of pineapple.  On a night when Dave makes the Mai Tais particularly strong, one might compare it to kerosene, gasoline, or even rubbing alcohol.  Of course, this comparison would only occur after wiping away tears, coughing for a few minutes, and then wincing as one tries to formulate a coherent thought.  However – the Dragon 88 Mai Tai is a bargain at $5.25. Dangerous.

Traditionally  served in a Lowball/Rocks glass with minimal crushed ice, Dragon Mai Tais come garnished with a pineapple/cherry spear, which I find is most helpful for taking your mind off the pain of the drink itself.  There are other quality beverages on the menu as well such as the Scorpion Bowl (comes in two sizes- large which serves 2-4 people, and a small which serves one), the Pina Colada, the Zombie, and the Blue Hawaii.  All of these drinks are mostly liquor with varying types of juices, guaranteed to leave you with an old fashioned, New England Hangover.

Dragon 88 also serves a nice array of Chinese/Polynesian food.  Although the food is fairly standard, greasy Chinese/Polynesian, I will say that it gets exponentially with each Mai Tai consumed.   Especially when you order WAY too much food for any small group of human people:

Observe: Poo-poo platter (on fire), wings, Moo-Shoo Pork, 'Chinese Ravioli' - AKA Dumplings, Mongolian Beef

The bottom line is if you are looking for bang-for-the-buck in terms of drinks, and you happen to be in the Worcester County area, you need to make a point to stop by Dragon 88.  It is a dive like, hole-in-the-wall type of place, but the staff is always friendly and the drinks are second to none.  The food, however, may take years off your life. But honestly, you don’t need those years when you’ve got Mai Tais!

Poo-poo platter: crab rangoon, chicken skewers, boneless spare ribs, friend chicken thingies, a literal heart attack on a plate, and a big flame in the middle!

Dragon 88 Restaurant
260 Shrewsbury St
Boylston, MA 01505

You're being given a police escort directly to Pleasuretown. Bottoms up!

That’s about all you need to know.  Sometimes a picture really is worth a thousand words.

Vodka (I prefer Russian Standard, shown in the photo) + Cran = Cape Codder

Vodka (1/3) + Cran (1/3) + Champagne (1/3) + Lime (until overflowing) = Cape Todder.

Shake well, serve over ice in the largest, fanciest glass you can find.  Cheers!