You may safely add Lockhart’s BBQ in Royal Oak to the list of places that Epic Portions’ fearless staff will be visiting in the next 30 days.  I will personally be devouring the Quadruple Bypass, a 1-pound combo of pulled pork, smoked bacon, smoked sausage, smoked ham and smoked cheddar.  If that wasn’t enough for you it comes with a foil-wrapped Ding Dong on top.  I’ll type that again.  It comes with a foil-wrapped Ding Dong on top.  A DING DONG.  WRAPPED IN FOIL.  ON TOP.  ON TOP OF THE SANDWICH THERE IS A DING DONG.  WRAPPED IN FOIL.

Holy Santa Claus shit.  If this sandwich doesn’t look good to you then you’re a ding dong.  Wrapped in foil.  HAHA!

Thank you to the homie John Clark for mentioning this beauty to me.  No thanks to Craig Indyke for being weird.

That is all.  This blog is getting seriously unprofessional.

Epic Meal Time again.  So, I have to say that I love the moment when the girl greets him in French and he just yells at her “15 TEEN BURGERS!”  Tip of the hat from the Anglo-phonic world, sir.

Oh.  My.  God.  No Words.  I bet it does taste like crazy alcohol rainbow pig.  I bet it does.

Shaya and I were sitting around the other day feeling extremely lazy when hunger struck.  This particular hunger was inspired by multiple episodes of Epic Meal Time, which is probably the greatest food related thing to happen to the internet in quite some time.  This was quite the dilemma because both of us needed to eat, yet neither of us felt motivated enough to get up or even put on shoes.  The solution to this problem was to pick apart her depleted pantry and make a disgusting delicious combination of whatever we found.

Hash Browns – Cooked with bacon fat and sauteed garlic.  Sturdy base layer.

Bacon – Cooked normally.  Bacon doesn’t need any help.  Layered over top of the hash browns.

Chicken breast – Soaked in a brine, seasoned with Old Bay and other randoms, cooked, shredded.  Placed on top of bacon.

Kraft Mac and Cheese – Added more cheese and Sriracha.  Placed on top of chicken breast.

Bread Crumbs – Very top layer.

More cheese – Just for the hell of it.  On top of bread crumbs.

Like I said, the pantry was a little depleted and we were feeling damn lazy.  All of this was placed into a large bowl and cooked at 350.  The result was one of the fattest, most delicious things I have ever tasted.

Blacked out Sarah and I were up to our usual shenanigans last night and decided normal sized food just wouldn’t cut it.  Plus, food options are a bit limited at 2:30 AM.  We came to the conclusion that BTB would be the only acceptable place to fulfill our craving for super sized, or just plain not normal sized food craving.  When I say our, I really mean just me.  She got vegetarian nachos and probably felt like she was going to throw up after eating them.  Don’t ask.

I previously wrote about  Big Ten Burrito a long time ago.  I should point out that legally I have to call it BTB now due to legal ramifications.  The giant burrito, which goes for an incredibly reasonable price of $9.50, lives up to its name.  The thing is huge.  It’s like the Manute Bol of burritos.  What’s more impressive is that it’s built with structural integrity.  Usually you can eat the whole thing without it falling apart, which earns that “more impressive” tag because it’s built with multiple tortillas.  This one in particular was built with much care, but unfortunately I did not eat it with that same care.  My apologies to the burrito engineer, but G and Ts will do that to you.

Check this monster out..  My apologies for the Brett Favre dick pic style shot.  Seriously, that picture is phallic.

Caution:  This is the greatest video ever created.

I watched this with my mouth open and watery eyes.  If you watch all the way through, you will see Jack Daniels bacon fat egg nogg, bacon rain, a candy bacon roof and more greatness.

I rarely eat fast food, but last weekend I decided to cheat on my diet and stop at Wendy’s for fries and a frosty.  Salty and sweet.  Not having eaten at Wendy’s in a while, I couldn’t help but notice the fries were devastatingly delicious.  Normally Wendy’s fries are pretty average.  I didn’t think much of it, though, when you’ve been dieting and depriving yourself of calories for a few months EVERYTHING tastes delicious.  Even Bran Flakes…

Lo and behold, I learned the other day that Wendy’s is serving new fries.  I was intrigued as I really was blown away by how good the fries were when I ate them last weekend.  I did notice that the potatoes had the skin on, which is the first step towards delicious homemade fries and mashed potatoes.  Seriously, does anyone peel potatoes anymore?  I leave the skin on when I make potato soup.  But I digress…

I went back to Wendy’s last night to confirm they were delicious and to blow up my diet.  The short answer is…yes.  They are as good as I thought they were.  What is the secret?  According to Wendy’s they are now exclusively using Russet potatoes (what took them so long), leaving the skin on, and seasoning with sea salt.

Seems to me they are simply using a higher quality potato, and it shows.  Good for them.  This EP writer gives them a big, diet-destroying thumbs up.