Remember a few weeks ago when I shared with you a new way to eat cupcakes?  Do you also remember how I stated that the process changed everything?

That didn’t change anything.  The Ramen fork changes everything.

Seriously, this thing is like a more professional version of the already serviceable spork.  We here at Epic Portions are big supporters of the spork.  A fork with both tine for noodles and a small bowl for soup base.  Brilliant.

In case you are a curious person like myself, here is more information than you ever wanted to know about the ramen fork.  This was stolen from SukiYakey.com, which is apparently the “world’s portal to cool japan”.  Some call me an internet ninja for being able to find this stuff.

Ramen Fork was invented by Sugakiya, a Ramen restaurant in Nagoya Japan, aimed to eat the noodle and soup at the same time. This artistic shape was highly admired by The Museum of Modern Art in New York (MoMA) and was introduced to their museum gift shop. The museum says that it is making within the top 3 sales. It is 14 dollars for a piece.

Sugakiya started introducing Ramen Fork since 1978. It was good for the environment as well as cost reduction, but many customers preferred the wooden chopsticks. For their 60-year anniversary, Sugakiya decided to completely renew it to a easy-to-use design. They asked Masami Takahashi for the new design and Sugakiya’s CEO Shinichi Sugaki gave him only one request which was to create a sophisticated design that MoMA would exhibit it. It took an year for Mr. Takahashi to reach the final design. The difference from the previous design is the number of tynes and where they are placed.

When I first started cooking and really getting into food, my go to resource was Alton Brown’s Good Eats.  If you’re a regular reader, you know we’re all fans of the show and see it as one of the better resources for food information available.  No where else, especially on TV, can you learn more about food in such a short amount of time.  I think the best part about the show is that he takes a simple concept, such as an omelette, and provides you with way too much information.  So much that on every episode you usually pick up at least 5 or 6 things that you didn’t know before.  It was this show that inspired me to look more into concepts related to food, exceeding normal techniques such as following recipes.  I became interested in history and science of all things food.

This being said, I want to welcome you to a new segment of Epic Portions called Everything you Ever Wanted to Know.  Every week I will provide you with way too much information about a certain food item that I like.  It’s as simple as that.  This week, we look into Crab Rangoon.  Why?  Because I ate crab Rangoon yesterday and they were delicious.

The Basics

If you’re not familiar with the deliciousness that is crab rangoon, they are deep-fried dumplings that are stuffed with a combination or cream cheese, flaked crab meat, and usually seasonings.  Seasonings vary to include garlic, steak sauce, soy sauce, season salt, and onion powder.   In most recipes the ingredients are mixed together and then placed by spoonfuls onto prepared wonton wrappers.  The wonton wrappers are then folded into several different shapes and deep fried in vegetable oil until they are golden brown.  It’s then served with a plum sauce, sweet and sour cause, or mustard for dipping.

There are variations of the crab rangoon recipe that include omitting the crab meat and using only seasoned cream cheese, which makes the dish suitable for those with shellfish allergies, and baking the stuffed wonton instead of deep frying, which omits the grease.  Usually, the baked version of crab rangoon utilizes a muffin pan to stabilize the wonton while baking.

Crab rangoon is usually served as an appetizer of American Chinese cuisine.

The History

It’s not exactly known what culinary genius cooked the first “Asian style” crab rangoon but cheese, especially of the cream cheese variety,  is basically nonexistent in Southeast Asian and Chinese cuisine.  The credit is usually given to Victor Bergeron, founder of the Trader Vic’s tiki restaurant chain, where crab rangoon first appeared on their menu in the 1950s, and was listed on the menu as an old Burmese recipe.  But once again, when was the last time you saw any kind of cheese in Asian cuisine?  He is also credited with the invention of the Mai Tai tropical drink, and with the pupuu platter of appetizers.  Although the cocktails were always the biggest attraction, tiki restaurants such as Trader Vic’s were also known for their unique, Asian-inspired fare, invented to approximate traditional cuisine on Polynesian islands.

Others argue that crab rangoon was invented for the World’s Fair in St. Louis, Missouri, held in 1904. Countless modern dishes have been introduced at World’s Fairs over the past two centuries, although little evidence exists that something comparable to today’s crab rangoon was served there in 1904.

It is worth noting that the city of Rangoon, which is actually known as Yangon, was the capitol of Burma until 2000 and still remains its largest city.  The word “Rangoon” most likely comes from the British imitation of the pronunciation of “Yangon”.  The British seized Yangon in the Second Anglo-Burmese War of 1852 and transformed it into the commercial and political hub of British Burma.  It was under heavy British influence until 1948 when the country regained independence from the British Empire.

Yangon remains the site of extreme Burmese nationalism, with many colonial names of streets and parks changed to more nationalistic Burmese names.  To this day, Western history books have ignored these changes.  It is highly unlikely that anything food named “Rangoon” is served there.  Unless, perhaps, they changed its name to Crab Yangon, tortured it a bit (it is, of course, boiled in oil), and then slapped a uniform on it after it had been sufficiently “retrained.”  Nope, Crab Rangoon is a more than likely a uniquely American concoction– one that takes a little bit of this culture (wontons are Chinese), and a little bit of that one.

Appearance

The construction of ingredients is simple, but the folding of the wonton wrapper offers you a chance to practice some food oragami.  Aside from wee variations in the ratio of crab to cheese in the filling, the biggest difference from restaurant to restaurant is the way the crab rangoon’s wrapper is folded.  I am sure there are countless other ways to fold the the wrapper, but the following are the free most accepted techniques.

• The Four Corners Method – In the ‘four-corners’ method, the cook places a small dollop of filling in the wonton’s center, then pinches it each corner and gathers in the middle.  With this method, you get more crunch and a little less filling and soft wonton.  If you’re doing this at home, be careful not to over fry. It can turn the wonton hard and ruin the fun.

• The “Clutch Purse” Method – The ‘clutch purse’ method goes the other way on the crunch/soft scale. With this method, the wonton gets a larger dollop of cream-cheese filling. The wonton itself is also pinched closed near the edge in a straight line, so that the finished rangoon looks like a lady’s handbag.

• The Triangle Method – The triangle method consists of simply placing the ingredients into a triangle shaped wonton wrapper, placing another triangle shaped wonton wrapper on top of that, and folding so that the ingredients are contained.

How to Make Them

Ingredients:

• 1 lb. sea legs or any chunk artificial crab meat
• 2 (8 oz.) pkgs. cream cheese, softened
• 4 oz. seafood spread (optional)
• 1 bunch scallions, chopped (about 6 – green part too)
• pinch of salt
• 1 tsp. sugar
• 1 pkg. wonton skins
• 1/4 tsp. onion powder
• oil for deep frying

Place crab meat, cream cheese, seafood spread, scallions, salt, onion powder and sugar into food processor and mix into a lumpy paste. If food processor is not available, chop crab and onions very fine and mix with softened cream cheese, salt, and sugar. Place teaspoonful of mixture in middle of a wonton skin. Moisten edges and and fold into which ever technique you find suitable. Make sure all edges are sealed. Deep fry until golden brown.  You can also bake these, but how much fun is that?

And More…

Celebrate National Crab Rangoon Day every February 13th

Make crab rangoon dip

Join the crab rangoon appreciation page on Facebook

I’ve always been a McDonalds breakfast man.  To me, the McMuffin is the king of fast food breakfast options.  There’s just something about it.  That being said, every now and then I do get the urge to switch it up a little and grab myself a Croissan’Wich from Burger King.  It’s an extremely close second.  The only problem is the egg on the Croissan’Wich sucks.  Rather than a griddle fried egg, which comes on the McMuffin, the Croissan’Wich features some sort of omlette style egg which seems more like an egg substitute than an actual egg.  This got me thinking.  Is the griddle fried egg responsible for deliciousness that is the McMuffin? What if the Croissan’Wich had a better egg option?  I decided to figure this out for myself.

This was pretty simple.  I just took the nasty egg off of the Crossian’Wich and replaced it with the egg from the McMuffin.  The results were surprising.  Let me tell you, if Burger King used a griddle fried egg I wouldn’t even bother going to McDonalds for breakfast.  The Croissant is much tastier than the English muffin that McDonalds uses, and the sausage is usually pretty similar, if not better.  The egg added so much that was missing to the Crossian’Wich.  It even looks good upside down.  Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the first McCroissan’Wich.  I can’t really verify that claim because I didn’t research it, so you’re just going to have to take my word for it.

Just to fully test my egg theory, I replaced the delicious egg on the McMuffin with the nasty egg from the Crossian’Wich.  To be blunt, it was disgusting.  You could really taste how bland the English muffin is and the sausage really didn’t make up for the lost flavor.  Burger King’s egg lacks so much flavor that it completely affects the taste of the McMuffin.  I took two bites and decided to throw it away.

In summary, Burger King needs a griddle fried egg.  Their breakfast may be greasy and sometimes bland, but the addition of a good egg would cause me to switch to their breakfast options.

Damn, that McMuffin was nasty.

For the last few years, I have been fascinated in finding a way to construct some sort of pizza cooking “apparatus”(?) for myself to use at home.  My dream is that one day I will be able to make my own dough, sauce, cheese blend, and whatever else I feel like adding.  No more ordering Dominos, as great as their on-line ordering system may be.  I guess you could say that I long for pizza freedom.  Unfortunately, I live in the third floor of an apartment complex so not very many options are available to me that don’t involve the possibility of burning down my apartment complex.  I guess I could go the easy route and just purchase a pizza stone, but that’s just too easy.

This dream really began when I found that Dan from Thefoodinmybeard had constructed a brick pizza oven in his back yard, which just happened to be in Bermuda.  This would be ideal, but once again I live in an apartment complex, and I’m sure McKinley Management wouldn’t be too happy to find an enormous brick pizza oven constructed in the middle of their property, even if I was feeding the residents delicious DIY style pizza.  Seriously though, check this thing out.  Who wouldn’t want one of these things in their back yard?

And the result, things like curry pizza.  Amazing.  Check out the entire brick oven pizza series on Thefoodinmybeard.com Great stuff.

Realizing that building my own pizza oven would not be possible for another year or so, I decided to search for other options.  I had a gas stove, shouldn’t that count for something?  I came across a couple guys who decided to line their oven with fire bricks to simulate the brick oven.  Kind of a pain in the ass, but it sounded like a good idea.  Unfortunately my roommates declared this a horrible idea and that was the end of it.  It never happened but if I get stuck in an apartment complex for another year, my roommates might just come home to delicious brick oven style pizza.  How could they be mad?  eHow also has pretty detailed instructions on how to complete this.

The solution that probably makes the most sense to me currently is constructing a FrankenWeber, which may or may not have been first developed by street vendor in San Francisco called The Pizza Hacker.  The basic concept is to contruct the Weber charcoal grill into a mini wood burning pizza oven.  With the heat covered by the hood, it is easy for the grill to reach temparatures of up to 1000F, which is perfect for Neapolitan style pizzas.  Oh, and did I mention it’s portable?

Watch the Pizza Hacker work.  He simply has a table with jars of his sauce, buffalo mozzarella and a basil plant.  After he has constructed the pizza, it goes into the oven for only about two minutes, and then is topped with olive oil and additional cheese.  This is cool stuff:

If the video didn’t do enough for you, or you simply ignored my request, here’s a great picture of probably the best pizza will you will ever see offered by a street vendor.

After learning about the Pizza Hacker, I took my quest to Google to find out if the man was the only one doing this.  I found a few people that have been constructing their own FrankenWebers out of throwaway Weber grills and making delicious wood oven style pizza at home in minutes.  I think this is the solution for my brick/wood oven style pizza dream.

From the Pizzamaking.com forums

To summarize, I leave you with quite possibly the most delicious looking, and sounding, pizza I have ever seen/heard of in my life.  On top of this pizza is Cured Wild Boar Belly, pickled hot peppers, Calabrian chilies, Dry Farmed Early Girl Tomato Sauce, Buff Mozz, Grana Padano, Angelo Garro’s Homemade Olive Oil, parsley, and smoked salt.  Baked for only 75 seconds by the Pizza Hacker in his FrankenWeber.

Ever since I can remember, I have always loved Taco Bell.  I still do love Taco Bell.  When it comes to fast food, it will always be number one in my heart.  Despite all the warnings against eating fast food, I have never been able to resist it.  McDonalds and Burger King have recently been ruled out of my diet, but sometimes I get a craving and have to stop into TB for a grilled stuffed burrito, chicken quesadilla, and a bucket of Pepsi.  I need you to understand this before you read the following.  I adore Taco Bell.  I will probably never stop adoring Taco Bell.  I’m not trying to tell you what to eat, or expose you to the harsh cruelty that is the fast food industry.  I simply am curious where my food comes from.  I think it’s something that most people should wonder.

I have always been curious about the rumors that Taco Bell uses “Grade-D” meat.  You know, that whole thing where cat food uses “Grade-C” meat, so eating Taco Bell is far worse than eating cat food.  I decided to do as much research as I could find out if these rumors were true, or just a made up story to destroy children’s love for good ol’ TB.

Grade-D Meat?  Come on, John…

For starters, I’m completely aware that there is no such thing as “Grade-D” meat.  If we’re talking about beef, the U.S. Department of Agriculture(USDA) doesn’t even use letter grades. There’s no such thing as Grade A beef, or Grade F beef.   The inspection and grading of meat and poultry are two separate programs within the U.S. Department of Agriculture(USDA). Inspection for wholesomeness is mandatory and is paid for out of tax dollars. Grading for quality is voluntary, and the service is requested and paid for by meat and poultry producers/processors.

Since the Federal inspection program began at the turn of the century, the meat and poultry industries have grown and changed significantly. In the early 1900’s, most meat came from local slaughter plants and was used locally. Further processing was limited to simple products such as sausages.  Today, with the increase in fast food and other meat industries, a wide variety of meat and poultry products are on the market.  Animals are slaughtered and meat is processed in sophisticated, high-volume plants. The meat is often shipped great distances to reach consumers.

After the meat and poultry are inspected for wholesomeness, producers and processors may request to have the products graded for quality by a licensed Federal grader. The USDA’s Agricultural Marketing Service is the agency responsible for grading the beef. Those who request grading must pay for the service. Grading for quality means the evaluation of the meat such as tenderness, juiciness, and flavor of meat.

USDA grades are based on nationally uniform Federal standards of quality. No matter where or when a consumer purchases graded meat or poultry, it must have met the same grade criteria. The grade is stamped on the carcass or side of beef and is usually not visible on retail cuts. However, retail packages of beef will show the U.S. grade mark if they have been officially graded.

• Prime grade is produced from young, well-fed beef cattle. It has abundant marbling and is generally sold in restaurants and hotels. Prime roasts and steaks are excellent for dry-heat cooking (broiling, roasting, or grilling).
• Choice grade is high quality, but has less marbling than Prime. Choice roasts and steaks from the loin and rib will be very tender, juicy, and flavorful and are, like Prime, suited to dry-heat cooking. Many of the less tender cuts, such as those from the rump, round, and blade chuck, can also be cooked with dry heat if not overcooked. Such cuts will be most tender if “braised” — roasted, or simmered with a small amount of liquid in a tightly covered pan.
• Select grade is very uniform in quality and normally leaner than the higher grades. It is fairly tender, but, because it has less marbling, it may lack some of the juiciness and flavor of the higher grades. Only the tender cuts (loin, rib, sirloin) should be cooked with dry heat. Other cuts should be marinated before cooking or braised to obtain maximum tenderness and flavor.
• Standard and Commercial grades – are frequently sold as ungraded or as “store brand” meat.
• Utility, Cutter, and Canner grades are seldom, if ever, sold at retail but are used instead to make ground beef and processed products.

Taco Bell uses “cutter” beef, which is what almost all ground beef is. Basically they grind up the leftover trimmings that didn’t make the best cuts.  But, it is all cow meat and by law cannot contain cow organs or tendons or hooves or anything except cow meat.  So Taco Bell uses low quality, but perfectly safe ground beef.   However, since this stuff isn’t flavorful by itself, so they process the shit out of it by adding ‘natural’ flavoring, salt, sugar, caramel color.

So in summary, there is no such thing as a “Grade-D” beef.  Taco Bell does, however, use the lowest quality of meat possible, which also makes it the most affordable.  From the information I found, the beef is shipped to locations in 12×8″ clear plastic bags which come in boxes of roughly 20 bags or so. The meat is pre-cooked, and reheated using boiling water.  After it’s heated the bag is split open and the meat is put into large metal containers and scooped out as needed.

What about the whole cat food thing?

From what I’ve read, you seriously don’t even want to know what your pet is eating, unless you really do research on what you’re feeding it.  Most of the meat put into normal cat food are meat by-products.  Seriously, I’m not going into it.  Taco Bell for sure uses better meat than what your average cat is getting.

Does Taco Bell beef contain soy?

I did come up with the actual ingredients from the Yum! Brands website and was more surprised to find oats as an ingredient than soy.  Here they are.

Beef, Water, Seasoning [Isolated Oat Product, Salt, Chili Pepper, Onion Powder, Tomato Powder, Oats, Soy Lecithin, Toasted Onion Powder, Garlic Powder, Maltodextrin, Sugar, Soybean Oil (Antidusting Agent), Black Pepper, Oregano, Cumin, Autolyzed Yeast Extract, Citric Acid, Caramel Color, Cocoa Powder (Processed With Alkali), Lactic Acid, Natural Flavors, Natural Smoke Flavor, Modified Corn Starch], Salt, Sodium Phosphate.

You may be asking yourself what Soy Lecithin is.  Well, Lecithins are oily substances that occur naturally in plants (soybeans) and animals (egg yolks).  The soy variety possesses emulsification properties. This means it can keep a candy bar “together” by making sure that the cocoa and the cocoa butter don’t separate.  Since soybeans are one of the cheapest crops in the U.S., it makes sense to use a cheap, natural soy derived emulsifier in food processing.

The Soybean Oil is there to do exactly what it says.  It reduces the formation of dust during processing and handling

So where does it come from?

I was unable to locate who Taco Bell actually purchases their beef from.  This isn’t public information, and I don’t think they’re required to release it.  This is something I might keep searching for, so you may hear from me on this topic later on.  They do, however, release this statement on their official site:

Taco Bell, Pizza Hut, KFC, Long John Silver’s, and A&W have extremely high food quality and safety standards throughout our entire supply chain. We actively work with our suppliers to raise industry standards.  Our rigorous  approval process identifies suppliers with proven, outstanding performance in quality control. We expect all of our suppliers to adhere to our strict guidelines so we provide the best possible quality in every meal.

I don’t feel like reading all of that.  Just tell me the answer.

Taco Bell does use the lowest possible quality of beef allowed by the USDA., but it’s still a hell of a lot better than what’s in your pet’s bowl.  I think another thing that should be taken into account is where the beef is coming from, but I guess that’s just going to have to be for future reading.

I sometimes feel like the kids discussed in a recent HuffingtonPost Article:

In the late 1960s, psychologist Walter Mischel performed a series of tests on preschoolers referred to as The Marshmallow Tests. Mischel would give a child a single marshmallow, then leave him or her alone in the room with it. Before he departed, he’d make each kid an offer: if they wanted to, they could eat it immediately — but if they waited for him to return, they’d get two marshmallows. The tests were designed to examine willpower and the mental processes behind delayed gratification. Watching kids go through the experiment can be poignant… and adorable.  As a recent New Yorker article on “the secret of self-control” put it:

• Footage of these experiments, which were conducted over several years, is poignant, as the kids struggle to delay gratification for just a little bit longer. Some cover their eyes with their hands or turn around so that they can’t see the tray. Others start kicking the desk, or tug on their pigtails, or stroke the marshmallow as if it were a tiny stuffed animal.

I’m pretty sure I was like this when I was a kid. In fact, I think I still am! This video makes me want marshmallows…

2nd Place, 2006 Central Illinois International Chili Championship! Matt (in Red) and Todd (in Tigers hat) along with Chili judges and first place winner (on far left). It was rigged!

It’s about time I fessed up.  Back in 2006, my friend Matt and I entered the Urbana Beer and Chili Festival (Urbana, IL – my old stompin’ grounds) in an attempt to unseat the hitherto unbeaten Champaign County Democrats.  Otherwise known as the Central Illinois International Chili Championship, this competition invites amateur and restaurant competitors to duke it out in the greatest of drinking and chili eating venues – the downtown Urbana, IL parking garage.  Set on a windy, mid-fall Saturday, this environment adds the perfect garnishes to the classic, fall football weekend: Chili and lot and lots of beer.

College students handing out beer samples to their friends and taking purchased tickets. If that isn't a conflict of interest, then I don't know what is

For those of you poor souls who haven’t attended a Chili cookoff, they typically begin with competitors checking in, setting up their booths, passing health inspection, and finally – making their chili in a set period of time.  We had 4 hours to prep and cook, in which we were to make 4 gallons of chili for attendees to sample along with several hundred types of beer bought with donations from local business.  A portion of the gate went to charity (it’s good to give back! – name that movie quote).

Although I’m not bitter…*whatsoever*, the competition functions in the following manner, year after year after year: 1) Competitors make their chili.  2) Around 1000 people sample the chili.  The chilis that run out quickly are clearly the crowd favorites, since everyone makes roughly the same amount.  3) The judges then go and pick the best chilis.  4) At this point, the judges write the names of the best chilis on a piece of paper.  5) That piece of paper is then set on fire, after which the judges piss on the will of the people, and again give the victory to the Champaign County Democrats (the two party system?  ”The after party is the one you really want to attend”).   Year after year, people!  For Godsake, their chili tastes like its been blended!  BLENDED!!  Who does that?!  We ran out of our chili in like 2 hours, and they were still trying to unload their mush practically until dawn!  Anyway, we came in Second.  Booo!  Now that I got that out of my system…

Making good chili, especially 4 gallons of chili, is a long process.  First, you’ve got to practice – you must refine your recipe.  In the case of chili, this can be expensive, depending on the type of meat you want to use.  We got ours from the University of Illinois meat lab.  That’s right – for those of you who live in the U.S. near land grant schools (state colleges that have agriculture programs), many animal science programs have meat labs where they train students to butcher.  This is an awesome place to get a rediculous amount of meat for cheap.

Sometimes, the word “ridiculous” can be relative.  For the competition, we got around 16 pounds of bottom round steak.  16 pounds – that’s 256 oz of delicious steak.  Even Joey Chestnut couldn’t put that down.  Only problem – it came somewhat frozen.

• Todd’s Chili Lesson #1: DO NOT try to cut 16 pounds of slightly frozen steak into 1 inch cubes with a dull knife.  Or any kind of knife.  Just throw your hand in front of a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick – it will happen faster and feel the same.

My recipe [which I will reveal for the first time to the world in a future post - so stay tuned!], also calls for a lot of diced vegetables.  During a Chili competition, when many groups quadruple (or more) their normal recipe sizes, this means a LOT of diced vegetables.  When you’re in an outdoor booth with crapola, dull Ikea knives…surrounded by shit talking competitors…with a huge cooler of beer waiting for you after prep – dicing is no longer fun.  At all.

• Todd’s Chili Lesson #2: Find a restaurant supply store and purchase bagged, pre-diced vegetables.  This is usually still legit to use in the competition – you can’t pre-cut any veggies on your own and bring them in your own bag, but you can bring pre-cut veggies in a package from a store…damn health inspectors.  Hatred is crying into the blisters you got from dicing veggies, while watching (out of your one, remaining good eye) the guy next door slowly pour a giant sack of perfectly diced onion into his Chili, as he enjoys a tall, cool Budweiser.

Now that we’ve prepped the Chili – it’s time to get cookin’.  At our competition, we had to bring our own cooking devices.  As we were both poor college students at the time, we bought 3 portable electric burners off of Amazon.com (3 massive pots=about 4 gallons).  Many of the characters we were competing against simply brought turkey fryers and a few propane tanks.  We later realized that those people were very, very, very smart.  That’s right: Competitors = Smart.  Todd = Dumb.

• Todd’s Chili Lesson #3: Test your cooking devices.  Having an electric burner is actually a fairly smart idea.  You can leave it on for several hours without having propane problems.  It’s also a really really cheap alternative.  HOWEVER – be sure to understand the electrical network on which your burners will rely.  We found out about 15 minutes into cooking that two of our burners were not heating up enough.  We were basically maxing out the system.  That’s right – the Chili competition was reliant on TWO circuits for our entire section.  Whoops!  Got it figured out, but it killed our momentum, our confidence, and our buzz.  Would have helped to know more ahead of time.

In the end, the competition went incredibly well.  After our few preparation hiccups, we got things cooking and our well devised recipe and practice preparations served us well.  Have confidence in your burners.  Chili has to be a certain temperature to be served to the public.  We spent the first hour worrying if we could even get it hot enough to serve – the electrical problem didn’t help!  After things heated up, we were almost worried that our chili would get TOO hot.  Things might have been worse if we hadn’t been cooling off with a steady stream of liquid anxiety treatments…

• Todd’s Chili Lesson #4: Bring ample libations.  You’re cooking chili, not curing polio.  If you don’t have enough confidence in your chili that you can’t cook it slightly fuzzy faced, then you just haven’t done your homework.  You let down yourself, your competitors, and most of all…your Chili.

The final lesson in all of this – it’s all in the marketing.  Give your chili a personality.  Give it a brand!  Make it unique and people will want to come to your booth to try it.  If they like it, they will make their friends come and try it too.  And, as we all know – after everyone has 2 or 3 or 8 beers in them, they will certainly want to try a lot more.   This gives us our final lesson:

• Todd’s Chili Lesson #5: Decorate!  Decorate your booth, decorate yourself.  We did not do this.  After quickly following lesson #4, we might have THOUGHT we decorated (liquid confidence).  In reality, however, we certainly did not.

Second place team. Other than our award winning personalities, we brought no decorations. You must give your Chili a persona!

This sore sight contrasts heavily with the third place team (also people’s choice winners) who really justified their decorations by making one of the spiciest chilis that I’ve ever tasted.  They were also right next to us, which is why there is all that caution tape in the background of our photo.  Brilliant!

Third place team. Personality, decorations (even brought chili plants!), and one hell of a spicy chili! Unfortunately, this team also actually blended their chili - something that was strangely uncomfortable to watch. Maybe that's why their booth was wrapped in caution tape...