It has been over a week since I returned from my food vacation in Toronto and I am still getting fat man sweats just thinking about all of the food I ate.  During the trip we visited some of the better restaurants that Toronto had to offer but the place that really stood out was a little joint called Tasty’s Caribbean Take-Out.   It’s owned by a former quality control supervisor for Mercedes who decided that he was going to do one of those “follow your dream” things and get into the food business.  I have to say that I fully support his career change because the man is serving up dreams in the form of Caribbean food packaged in little styrofoam containers.  The meat falls right off of the bone, his sauces are absolutely incredible and his beans and rice are the best I have ever had. 

I can only say that I hope business is plentiful because the man is doing things right.  Cheap, delicious, and simple cuisine. 

Jerk Chicken - Tasty's Caribbean

Curry Chicken - Tasy's Caribbean

Tasty’s Caribbean Take-Out
4 Elm Street (at Yonge St)
Toronto, ON

Taco Bell.  Tacos.  Doritos.  Taco shell.

Normally I would write something up saying this is either the greatest idea ever, or that the Taco Bell employee should be banished from the food business forever.  There is no middle of the road on this subject.   Unfortunately, I just don’t have the appropriate thoughts for this yet.  It hasn’t sunk in enough to truly write how I feel about what Taco Bell has done.  Seriously, say it out loud.  “Taco Bell taco made with a Doritos taco shell.”   How does your brain feel after saying that?  It’s almost the same feeling you get from watching Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood after the age of 18.  Your brain just stops.

Anyways, I should probably provide you with some details so you don’t take this quest to Google and leave me for more informative food blogs.  These are called Doritos Locos Tacos and they are currently in testing phase in several markets across the country.  That’s pretty much all I have for you right now.  Except for this picture I stole from a website that I have absolutely no intention of citing.

Over the weekend, I went on a fun filled get away with the family to Toronto.  What started off as a simple family vacation ended up turning into an epic food weekend filled with  poutine, gravy and all of the other delicious cuisine that Canada has to offer.  Seriously though, I gained ten pounds in five days.  I feel as though modern science has not yet developed the technology to explain I could have possibly pulled that one off.  However I did it, I’m assuming the process took about eleven months off of my life.  But you know what?  I’m perfectly OK with that.  You’re about to see why.

Every morning at 8:00 AM we found ourselves at Starbucks so my father could get his daily fix.  Somehow Starbucks has managed to turn a man who didn’t even drink coffee to a Gold Card carrying full blown addict.  After he drank three or four white chocolate mochas we headed to Over Easy, which I can honestly say is one of the best breakfast joints I have ever stepped foot in to.  You find out right away that Over Easy isn’t playing games.  The first thing on their menu, before any of the food options, are Drinks.  I’m talking Mimosas, screwdrivers and any other alcoholic beverage a drunk could dream of.  I personally don’t partake in alcohol this early in the morning, but if you’re one of those people that really likes to take the edge off of.. well, just waking up in the morning, then Over Easy is for you my drunk, hopeless friend.

My favorite thing about Over Easy, other than the fact that they’re trying to get people drunk at breakfast, is the menu selection.  Eggs Benedict, you say?  How about eight different types of Eggs Benedict.  French toast?  An entire section of the menu dedicated to creating as many varieties of it as possible.   These aren’t just your regular, ordinary menu items either. For instance, they have Cajun Chicken Eggs Benedict:

Before you start thinking that’s the best thing available, take a look at the French Toast with Caramel and Bananas:

So right now you’re probably like, “Holy shit John, you ate there twice”?  To which I would respond with no, I did not eat there twice.  I ate there three times.  On my third visit I came across a dish that epitomizes what I look for in the perfect breakfast.  Not only did this make me tear up as I gazed upon the description in the menu, it also gave me the worst fat man sweats I have ever had.

Ladies and Gentlemen I give you Breakfast Poutine.  Hollandaise sauce, two poaches eggs, bacon, ham and cheese curds all on top of a pile of home fries.  It’s the kind of meal that leaves you breathless, which is the result of the simple beauty or the grease clogging your arteries.  I like to think it’s a combination of both.

Over Easy Restaurant – Toronto, ON
overeasyrestaurants.com/
Over Easy @ Foodspotting
@OverEasy – Twitter

Today I was taking a leisurely stroll through my neighborhood with my children, trying to enjoy one last peaceful saunter before the beginning of a hectic new school year, when I discovered two new establishments right in my own neighborhood.  Precariously perched on the corner of Briarbrook and Valley View Drives, I happened upon Kaylee’s Kool-Aid and Lemonade Stands.  Sort of a Mark’s Carts kind of operation, right in my own neighborhood!  They were selling authentic, Caucasian-American suburban street fare, the kind of low-tech operation that seems to be thriving in today’s economy.  As an established food critic, I decided to do an on the spot review.

The first thing I noticed was that the two stands had a bright, open atmosphere.  Minimalist in nature, they offered no tables, no seats, and no frills.  Just grab a beverage and continue about your business.  A novel concept, but without a quality beverage all the conceptual creativity would be for nothing.  Sadly, Kaylee’s Kool-Aid failed miserably in the taste category.  Serving only Grape Kool-Aid (more on that later), I couldn’t help but be put off by the overall watery consistency of the beverage.  I fear that Kaylee is more concerned with her profit margin than with providing a quality product.  I will not allow the tender age of Ms. Kaylee to influence my judgement.  The Kool-Aid tasted like krap.  I was also quite dismayed by the lack of selection.  Only grape?  Everyone knows that cherry Kool-Aid is the best flavor.  This lack of managerial oversight spells impending doom for Kaylee’s long term success.

Another bad sign for Kaylee was the general lax employee standards.  Her “employee” was too absorbed in some kind of hand-held video game device to acknowledge us when we approached for service.  Also, it seems highly unlikely that Kaylee will survive a visit from the health inspector, as I counted no less than five critical violations when I first arrived.  When I told the young video game aficionado that I wanted to speak with his manager, he looked at me like I was the fool.  After I was finally able to speak with Ms. Kaylee, not only did she seem to have a complete lack of knowledge of the local health code, her haughty, off-putting manner made me feel as if I wasn’t a valued customer.

Bad service and lax food safety policy aside, I do have to spend at least one paragraph in praise of Kaylee’s lemonade.  One sip of this beverage made the whole unpleasant experience melt away faster than the Nazis at the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark.   It was as if she magically bottled the melted popsicle juice from a Flav-o-Ice.  At first, I detected what seemed to be an unctuous mouthfeel, but quickly this turned into a symphony of deliciousness.  The sour, tart flavor of the lemon, coupled with the sweetness of the light cane sugar made for an appealing and overall refreshing beverage.  I decided to seek out Kaylee again, to compliment her on the lemonade.

At first she thought I was stalking her, but after my daughter disarmed Kaylee with a compliment on her Hello Kitty shoes, Kaylee was receptive to a quick interview.  After gushing over her lemonade, I asked about the grape only Kool-Aid policy.  She danced around the subject, and even though she failed to admit as much I was under the impression that she was trying to appeal to an urban clientele.  I felt we were having a nice exchange of ideas, when she proceeded to blame her Mom for having only grape Kool-Aid in her pantry.  A sad state of affairs to say the least, I mean, does Eric Ripert blame his Mom when Le Bernardin has to eighty-six the foie-gras?

All in all, as much as I hate to give a local small business a negative review, and despite the luxurious lemonade, I cannot in good conscience recommend Kaylee’s Kool-Aid and Lemonade Stands.  The health violations, the surly, indifferent employees, the watery grape Kool-Aid.  Unless you are trying to be ironic, Kaylee, I declare your entrance into the refreshment business a complete failure.

I’ll admit, I’ve never seen one of these.  Nor have I read anything about them.  However, that former-physics-student part of me really wonders if a solar BBQ could cook a hot dog in under 203840983 hours.

SOLAR BBQ: 299 EUROS?! WHAT THE WHAT?!

And for 299 Euros!? PLUS 20% VAT tax!? (Of course this is at BHV [Le Bazaar de Hotel de Ville] a shop whose prices make Nordstrom’s look like TJ Maxx). Good gracious – that’s nearly $540! You could buy a New Gas Grill and offset your lifetime carbon emissions from grilling (along with your family’s) 10x over for less moolah that that. But it’s still kinda swank…eh?

So the first week in Paris, we discovered the most gangsta’ falafel place ever (sorry, been re-watching many, many episodes of HBO’s critically acclaimed series “The Wire” lately).  Holy moly.  I’m too lazy to write a whole new post for this – so just check out the much-better-review-than-I-would-have-written on my lady’s blog:

http://www.thehungrybutterfly.com/2011/07/pocketful-of-rainbows/

Bunk: "When it comes to falafel, every man needs a code." Omar: "Indeed"

Good gracious!  I’ve already been there 5 times in 3 weeks!

L’as du Fallafel
34, Rue des Rosiers
75004 Paris
+33 (0)1 48 87 63 60 ‎

The tyranny and the bullshit had gone on for far too long.  One week ago we assembled and decided that Tios would not receive another accolade that they did not earn.  The people decided it was time to rise up and end this fable of a “world famous wet burrito”.  The people decided that it was time to recognize a brave and saporous establishment for their hard work and determination.  Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you the best Mexican restaurant in the area:

You did it.  You responded to my battle cry in full force.  You’re the best around.  I dedicate this video to all of you that voted and/or posted a battle of your own on Facebook.  Special thanks to the Ypsilanti businesses who also helped support the movement.  You are also the best around.