A few months ago I told a few food stories about my time visiting Todd in North Carolina.  I never really got to share all of the pictures I took because we ate enough to feed a damn army.  I thought I would save them for times I felt inspired by something that related to a specific picture.  The first inspiration happened last night.

I was on Google last night searching around for any local food news that I should be aware of.  Everything was going pretty well until something popped up that I hadn’t paid much attention to lately..

Mount Nacheesmo.

As you can tell, I have taken a break from ripping Tios Mexican Cafe apart on a monthly basis.  It’s not because I have given up my quest to rid the world of the worst resturaunt of all time, it’s just that I’ve tried to direct my attention to more positive things such as double decker cheeseburgers, TupTim and gigantic burritos.  It’s really helped with my quality of life.

Trying to stay positive, I remembered back to my trip to Salsa’s in Ashville, North Carolina where I was served what I believe to be the best nachos ever.  Crispy corn chips layered and topped with Vidalia onions, beans, curry verde sauce, fontina cheese, sour cream, chicken, and two salsas.  After it was brought to the table it was also topped with tears because I cried like a little bitch.

I honestly feel like going to Wikipedia and changing whatever picture they have for their Nachos entry to this.  Those are nachos.  If you ever make nachos you should strive to make your nachos as close to that as possible.  That picture should be your nachos blueprint.  If you’re not making nachos like that, consider it an epic nacho fail.

As I clearly stated in post number one of this multiple part saga of my trip to North Carolina to visit my heterosexual life mate, Todd, we engage in many acts of tomfoolery that usually is inspired by large amounts of alcohol.  One particular night in Chapel Hill, we walked many miles to one of the creepiest dance clubs I have ever been witness too. I’m not exaggerating when I say that.  While standing at the bar enjoying one of the worst drinks ever poured by a bartender and breathing in the fresh stench of what smelled like cottage cheese, I was asked by a girl who was with another guy if I wanted to dance. This was my que to leave.

After our exit, we ended up at a small bar where I enjoyed a delicious Tanqueray and tonic and talked to the bar tender, who was a serious New Yorker, until about 3:30am.  After listening to many stories about his former life as a bookie, his Jewish girlfriend of 9 years and his $900,000 condo that was paid for by his Jewish girlfriend’s parents, we took the party to the streets.  A mile and several road cones later, we ended up at Time-Out.  If the place sounds familiar to you, it’s because Adam Richman stopped in to visit before completely destroying his show by going to Tios.

Time-Out is the epitome of drunk food.  The whole point of the place is to ingest enough grease to soak up whatever you drank that night.  Apparently there is a cop stationed at the place at all times to deal with the drunks.  I’m surprised this place doesn’t just open up at 11:00 PM and close around 5:00 AM.   There’s absolutely no reason to eat at this place any other time.  Don’t get me wrong, it might have just been the many drinks that I consumed that night that led me to believe that I wouldn’t be caught dead in this place before 2 AM, but I just can’t imagine myself craving the kind of food the serve during the day.

To make matters worse, the place is named after one of the worst moments in University of Michigan sports history.  If you’re not familiar with this moment, it’s when Chris Webber decided to call time out in the NCAA Championship game and allowed North Carolina and Eric Montross’ dumbass to win the national championship game.   There’s pictures on the wall of UNC alumni, including Tyler Hansbrough’s dumbass, who I’m convinced is Eric Montross’ dumbass son, flashing the time out sign.

Seriously, what was I doing at this place?  Oh wait, I have pictures to remind me.

In all seriousness, the place is actually a pretty cool little southern style cafeteria right in the middle of a college town. Bars surround it, so college kids flock here at all hours of the night looking for one thing. Chicken biscuits.  Apparently they serve other things, but I was only interested in the chicken biscuits. No mac and cheese here, sir, I’m here to get down to business. Chicken biscuit business.

In case you can’t tell, chicken biscuits are a biscuit with fried chicken.  Hence the name.  I opted to add cheese to mine to make the experience complete.  The biscuits are buttery and the chicken is surprisingly tender, making this little sandwich into some of the best drunk food I’ve ever had.  To go with the sandwich, there is entertainment offered to you in the form of drunks stumbling around and occasionally spilling their entire tray.  That’s the kind of entertainment you just can’t buy.

Stay tuned for part three of my trip to the south.  I would give you a preview but I really don’t have anything planned yet.

If you weren’t aware of our history, Epic Portions was launched by myself, John, and Todd.  I call the Ypsilanti/Ann Arbor area home, while Todd lives in Chapel Hill, North Carolina.  Every so often I get my ass down there for some eating, drinking, and general tomfoolery.  A couple weeks ago was one of those times.  This trip will take multiple posts because quite frankly, we ate and drank ourselves stupid.  I feel like the following picture explains our weekend pretty well for some reason.

Probably my favorite food in North Carolina is the BBQ.  Unlike most other versions, North Carolina has that vinegar based sauce that I wasn’t even familiar with until a few years ago.  This isn’t any Sweet Baby Ray’s bullshit, made with corn syrup and a little bit of high fructrose corn syrup.   This is some real flavor. They save the sugar/sweetner for the sweet tea.  I came home after my last visit, made about a gallon of my own version, and invited a few people over for some North Carolina Style ‘que.   People thought I was crazy.  They wanted Sweet Baby Ray’s.  I politely asked them to leave my apartment.  I  In my opinion, the stuff kills any other kind of ‘que.

My favorite ‘que joint in the area is Allen and Son Pit Cooked BBQ.  It’s a bit of a drive and pretty much in the middle of nowhere, but it’s worth any kind of a drive(or flight) you may have to make.  The building is old and basic, with the interior matching that basic exterior.  If you ask for sweet tea, you’re given a half gallon.  Trust me, I was in a sugar coma for about an hour afterward.  Be careful with this stuff.  It’s Diabetes in a jug.  The plates are large, yet affordable, and the food is  beyond delicious.  I always like to keep it simple and order the BBQ platter with a side of potato salad and slaw, and an order of hush puppys.

In case the sweet tea coma, the BBQ platter, and the puppies weren’t enough for you, there’s also a dessert menu that is absolutely ridiculous.  I’ve never been able to man up enough to get something, but look at this.  Klondike pie? Seriously?

Welcome to the end, and the beginning, of your diet.

So last weekend was the 2010 Krispy Kreme Challenge, a race in Raleigh, NC where 6,000 racers compete to scarf more than 72,000 glazed donuts and RUN 4 MILES to raise more money for the NC Children’s Hospital.

This is now one of the most famous and hilarious eating races in the Nation:

The Krispy Kreme Challenge started in December 2004 as a dare between a few North Carolina State undergraduate students. Sophomore Ben Gaddy took home bragging rights that afternoon, running the race in 34 minutes and 27 seconds. After receiving positive coverage from campus news papers and being placed as #85 on the “102 More Things You Gotta Do Before You Graduate” by Sports Illustrated. On Campus, organizers decided to publicize the Krispy Kreme Challenge and turn it into something that would not only be an event to bring together people from all over the country, but also to benefit an important cause along the way.  It was no surprise, when organizers selected The NC Children’s Hospital as the most deserving beneficiary of this ultimate collegiate challenge.

A couple of friend’s raced and one actually placed in the top 300 competitors! I did not participate because I’ve seen a video showing what happens when you run 2 miles with 12 donuts in your belly (those of you that have done the dairy challenge may feel me) and I read this article.

If you’re racing competitively (Challenger division), here is the race:

1. Run 2 miles.
2. Eat 1 dozen donuts
3. Run 2 more miles
4. Don’t throw up
5. Do steps 1-4 in under 1 hour.

Ah…#4 and #5 – that’s the painful part. Congratulations to all those that took part! Especially those that dressed up!

Here is a video taken by some friends – notice all the folks standing around eating donuts. Delicious Krispy Kreme Donuts, made fresh right here in the Great State of North Carolina.

Could you do it?

Tonight, I went to my favorite restaurant tonight (ACME, a restaurant in Carrboro NC).  I will post more on ACME sometime soon – still collecting stuff in order to do it justice.  Well, tonight they had two appetizer specials.  We got both.  No pictures – so close your eyes and use your imagination. Hold on to your f*&%ing hats.

The specials:

1. Porkbelly on collard greens.  For those of you who have not had pork belly before – it is the best thing ever.  Pork Belly is like a giant chunk of bacon – unsliced.
2. The Gem O’ the Evening and reason for this post: A trout mousse with rosemary infused fatback spread, pork cracklins’, candied peanuts, and apple compote.

Let me say that again.  Pork Cracklins.  With Fatback spread.

Once more…because it bears repeating.    I ate fried pork skin (the ‘cracklin’), covered in Fatback.  Fatback is pure pork fat.  Not bacon fat.  No no – that’s much too lean.

I wish I had pictures.  I’m gonna go lie down now.  Goodnight moon.

ACME Food and Beverage Company
110 E Main. Street.
Carrboro, NC 27510

Chest pains. Slowed, labored breathing. A giant smile on your face and a bit of BBQ sauce stuck to some part of your face. Not that much lighter a wallet…

These are the results of a trip to Allen and Son, one of my favorite NC BBQ joints. Living in NC for 2.5 years has led me to a few places now, and A&S is still my favorite. My friends Dave (you have seen a couple of his posts) and Amy swun through NC and I decided to take them to taste some delicious NC BBQ – Eastern Style!  Perhaps I should explain:

In North Carolina, Barbeque is first and foremost a noun. BBQ is pulled pork.  There is no brisket or steak or chicken or anything else.  You can, of course, GET those things – but they ain’t BBQ.  There are two primary types, East and West.  This civil war of sauces pits (BBQ pun intended) vinegar-based sauce, the eastern style, against tomato based sauce, the western (or Lexington) style.  Although I live in central NC, I live in an area surrounded by eastern stye BBQ houses, and A&S is one of the best.  The BBQ is sumptuous, with an incredibly soft texture. The sauce balances the fatty pork with a beautiful tangy acidity that only eastern vinegar sauce can bring to the scene. Plus…the ambience is…hilarious.

When I eat BBQ, I want checkered table clothes, porcelain pigs everywhere, and waitresses that bring you literally, a HALF A GALLON of ice tea when you order it. Oh yeah – no such thing as unsweetened ice tea here. Did I mention the diabetes along with all those heart attack symptoms above?

The BBQ Plate with slaw and hushpuppies. The classic never loses its character.

Dave got the BBQ plate, Amy had the burger…and I…well, I had the Ribs.  With a capital R.

The heart starts beating faster…

Pork Ribs - with slaw and the best potato salad ever.

To be honest..I rarely get the BBQ at A&S anymore.  Someone said that I’ve ‘learned my lesson’ about eating A&S BBQ, which isn’t really true.  That’s a little like saying a whiskey drinker ‘learned his lesson’ from all that beer he used to drink.  I haven’t learned anything..I’ve just moved on to what I consider to be bigger and better things.  Like ribs.  Why?  Question answered:

These things are delicious. Absolutely delicious. And they fall apart. Amy tried to eat the bone. I warned her that I didn't know what would happen to her digestive system on the remaining 5 hour car ride ahead of her...

In summary – if you’re in the area…go here.  Trust me.  I’ve been here enough that I’ve moved on to the ribs.

Allen and Son Pit Cooked BBQ
919.942.7576
6203 Millhouse Rd
Chapel Hill, NC 27516

In the back of this glorious southern store is a sandwhich counter that might make the best BLT on earth.

Evidence? I draw your attention to the Triple Stack:

Bacon Lettuce Tomato. Bacon Lettuce Tomato. Bacon Lettuce Tomato...

If that didn’t get your motor going, let me offer a theory as to why these things are so good.
#1) Toasted bread. Good quality bread too…BLTs usually suffer from low quality bread that gets soggy under the weight of juicy tomatoes. Now, while the bread is technically a vehicle for all that B, L, and T – its still important.
#2) Real good lettuce.
#3) Real good mayo.  You know, that industrial style mayo, where scientists have somehow devised  a way to fit more fat per tablespoon in it than…well….pure fat.   The future is now!!  And it is delicious.
#4) Salted tomatoes. This is key.  It also helps counteract the water in the tomatoes.
#5) Bacon so good it will make you want to visit your local hog farm to personally thank the pig and farmer for making America and your sandwich a better place.

Just a theory….  Oh yeah, can’t forget the equally impressive double stack (for those on a strict diet).

Merrit’s Grill
1009 S Columbia St
Chapel Hill, NC 27514
(919) 942-4897
merrittsstoreandgrill.com