Last August, I wrote this eloquent defense of Anthony Bourdain for his claim that Paula Deen is the most dangerous person in America.  I snickered over it, but in the end I said his comment was a little over the top.  I. Was.  Wrong.

When I got the news that Paula Deen has Type II diabetes, I wasn’t shocked, but also I felt no need to write about it.  It is a personal tragedy for her and I felt no need to be dickish about it.  Yes, the obvious jokes were there, but sometimes you let a softball or two go by.

Then I read this:  Deen is teaming up with Novo Nordisk (aka Big Pharma) to help sell their diabetes drugs.  The rant had come forward after that.  The anger was bubbling up inside me like two sticks of butter in a hot sauté pan.  Fuck you, Paula Deen.  Your butter and grease soaked recipes give you diabetes and the best you come up with is shilling for Novo Nordisk’s once a day anti-diabetes crack?

Shockingly, she doesn’t blame her condition on her diet.  She faults genetics, lifestyle, stress, and age.  She says her “yummy, fattening recipes” are “part of the puzzle.”  If by that she means a puzzle with one piece, then yes, it is indeed part of the puzzle.

My favorite comment of hers is when she claims that she tells people to eat in “moderation” and that she has “always eaten in moderation.”  Are we supposed to be able to keep a straight face while she says this?  Do you remember the show where she says, “Remember to eat my pecan chewies in moderation, y’all!”

So, aside from being full of a lifetime of butter and grease, Paula Deen is also completely full of shit.  Sorry if I’m late to the party on this one…

Let me spell it out for her:

Dear Ms. Deen,

When your “yummy, fattening” recipes give you diabetes you can respond one of two appropriate ways.  1)  Make a public statement, claim that it is a private, personal matter and go about your business.  2)  Realize that you could also be hurting other people, and run to Jamie Oliver screaming for redemption.  Or you can go with option 3) Profit off your illness by being the spokesmoron for diabetes drugs.  Guess which choice gets you a vitriolic rant from Epic Portions?

For her refusal to acknowledge that her recipes are pure, butter-laden evil, and for profiting off her illness while others will get sick, I hereby declare Paula Deen The Most Dangerous Person in America. 

(Unless you are a dog, in which case that dubious distinction goes to Mitt Romney).

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!

-Lazy Todd who hasn’t posted in two months.

Some ideas you just wish you came up with on your own!  This is amazing (from Buzzfeed):

You don’t know it, but you need this product right now. It’s a little tea bag-like item that you fill with the leftover crumbs from an oreo package. You then dunk the “crumb case” into a glass of milk. POW. Oreo-infused milk. Mind blown. Oreo make this a reality.

Oreo Therapy: Dip that into a glass of 2% and all your cares melt away....

So here is my question: did the guy/gal who invented this get a percentage?  Or are they “some sad ass down in the basement of [Oreo]“?  Tell us like it is D’Angelo:

From the hilarious blog, http://tragedyseries.tumblr.com/:

Cue sad horn...*Wah Wah WAHHHHHH!*

It has been over a week since I returned from my food vacation in Toronto and I am still getting fat man sweats just thinking about all of the food I ate.  During the trip we visited some of the better restaurants that Toronto had to offer but the place that really stood out was a little joint called Tasty’s Caribbean Take-Out.   It’s owned by a former quality control supervisor for Mercedes who decided that he was going to do one of those “follow your dream” things and get into the food business.  I have to say that I fully support his career change because the man is serving up dreams in the form of Caribbean food packaged in little styrofoam containers.  The meat falls right off of the bone, his sauces are absolutely incredible and his beans and rice are the best I have ever had. 

I can only say that I hope business is plentiful because the man is doing things right.  Cheap, delicious, and simple cuisine. 

Jerk Chicken - Tasty's Caribbean

Curry Chicken - Tasy's Caribbean

Tasty’s Caribbean Take-Out
4 Elm Street (at Yonge St)
Toronto, ON

Taco Bell.  Tacos.  Doritos.  Taco shell.

Normally I would write something up saying this is either the greatest idea ever, or that the Taco Bell employee should be banished from the food business forever.  There is no middle of the road on this subject.   Unfortunately, I just don’t have the appropriate thoughts for this yet.  It hasn’t sunk in enough to truly write how I feel about what Taco Bell has done.  Seriously, say it out loud.  “Taco Bell taco made with a Doritos taco shell.”   How does your brain feel after saying that?  It’s almost the same feeling you get from watching Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood after the age of 18.  Your brain just stops.

Anyways, I should probably provide you with some details so you don’t take this quest to Google and leave me for more informative food blogs.  These are called Doritos Locos Tacos and they are currently in testing phase in several markets across the country.  That’s pretty much all I have for you right now.  Except for this picture I stole from a website that I have absolutely no intention of citing.

Over the weekend, I went on a fun filled get away with the family to Toronto.  What started off as a simple family vacation ended up turning into an epic food weekend filled with  poutine, gravy and all of the other delicious cuisine that Canada has to offer.  Seriously though, I gained ten pounds in five days.  I feel as though modern science has not yet developed the technology to explain I could have possibly pulled that one off.  However I did it, I’m assuming the process took about eleven months off of my life.  But you know what?  I’m perfectly OK with that.  You’re about to see why.

Every morning at 8:00 AM we found ourselves at Starbucks so my father could get his daily fix.  Somehow Starbucks has managed to turn a man who didn’t even drink coffee to a Gold Card carrying full blown addict.  After he drank three or four white chocolate mochas we headed to Over Easy, which I can honestly say is one of the best breakfast joints I have ever stepped foot in to.  You find out right away that Over Easy isn’t playing games.  The first thing on their menu, before any of the food options, are Drinks.  I’m talking Mimosas, screwdrivers and any other alcoholic beverage a drunk could dream of.  I personally don’t partake in alcohol this early in the morning, but if you’re one of those people that really likes to take the edge off of.. well, just waking up in the morning, then Over Easy is for you my drunk, hopeless friend.

My favorite thing about Over Easy, other than the fact that they’re trying to get people drunk at breakfast, is the menu selection.  Eggs Benedict, you say?  How about eight different types of Eggs Benedict.  French toast?  An entire section of the menu dedicated to creating as many varieties of it as possible.   These aren’t just your regular, ordinary menu items either. For instance, they have Cajun Chicken Eggs Benedict:

Before you start thinking that’s the best thing available, take a look at the French Toast with Caramel and Bananas:

So right now you’re probably like, “Holy shit John, you ate there twice”?  To which I would respond with no, I did not eat there twice.  I ate there three times.  On my third visit I came across a dish that epitomizes what I look for in the perfect breakfast.  Not only did this make me tear up as I gazed upon the description in the menu, it also gave me the worst fat man sweats I have ever had.

Ladies and Gentlemen I give you Breakfast Poutine.  Hollandaise sauce, two poaches eggs, bacon, ham and cheese curds all on top of a pile of home fries.  It’s the kind of meal that leaves you breathless, which is the result of the simple beauty or the grease clogging your arteries.  I like to think it’s a combination of both.

Over Easy Restaurant – Toronto, ON
overeasyrestaurants.com/
Over Easy @ Foodspotting
@OverEasy – Twitter