"Danger Danger, High Voltage!"

In a huge blow to cheap low income folks all over the State of Washington, the State’s Liquor Control Board has decided to  ban “blackout in can” drinks like Four Loko, the drink above:

(Reuters) – Washington state’s Liquor Control Board has voted to ban sales of high-alcohol energy drinks, known as “blackout in a can,” following the hospitalization of nine students in the state last month.

Washington is the second state to outlaw the new crop of highly caffeinated, heavy-alcohol beverages popular with young people after Michigan banned them earlier this month.

The emergency ban will last for 120 days from November 17, while the board goes through the procedure of introducing a permanent ban.

Major brewers such as Anheuser-Busch InBev and SABMiller stopped making drinks mixing alcohol and caffeine after pressure from various states, but smaller companies have filled the gap in the market.

In October, nine Central Washington University college students were hospitalized after drinking quantities of Four Loko brand drinks and similar beverages off-campus. According to the university, the blood-alcohol level of the students ranged from .123 to .35, where .30 is considered lethal.

Four Loko, a highly sugared and caffeinated malt liquor made by Phusion Projects, is 12 percent alcohol, which means one 23.5-ounce can is comparable to drinking five or six beers.

Holy crap!  12 percent?!  I’m too impressed to even consider that: 24 oz at 12% is literally like drinking a bottle of wine…in a can…that is brightly colored…that tastes like regurgitated red bull…that makes drinking MD 20-20 look classy and expensive.

I am Very Impressed.  Impressed that this stuff exists in a state with: Red Bull, Vodka, Columbia Valley wines, Red Hook, intelligent people, and the highest minimum wage in the country ($8.55).  If these BS government crackdowns continue, all these Washingtonians are gonna have to start drinking mouthwash!

Like most Americans, I’m fascinated with the drinking culture of Great Britain. Not only do the British drink a whole lot, but more importantly, our friends in the UK seem to really enjoy drinking as much as anybody possibly can. In fact, the British Home Office paid for research into a safer pint glass that will make drinking even more enjoyable.

Imagine this, you are someplace in London drinking one of the 126 Million pints of beer severed in throughout the UK every week. Somehow you break your glass. This could have led to tragedy as official figures record 5,500 attacks a year with beer pint glasses (Nerdy Statistical note: this leads to a 0.00008394% chance that the guy next to you is going to attack you with his pint of Boddingtons). Does that seem like a lot to you? Now, however, the governments new hybrid safety glass (coming to a pub near you) can be broken, but held together like a car windscreen with a layer of plastic.  That’s right – safety glass for beer pints.

Cheers to the Brits! Bottoms Up!

So my grandmother just moved out of one of my favorite American cities – Baltimore!  Home of the Wire, the Orioles, the best Blue Crab in this galaxy, a fantastic NFC defense, and…apparently…one of the most interesting old-school liquor collections I’ve ever seen.  If you’ve moved as much as I have – you know that it isn’t fun at all.  Moving lots of glass is even less fun – especially when it is filled with the remains of rare and mysterious liqueurs and bitters.  So here are a few gems that we discovered.

The first of this mysterious collection came in the form of a strange apertif – “Palo Morey”?  Anyone have any ideas what this is?

Note the tools required to uncork...

My meager attempt at a web search revealed what seems to be a similar liqueur:

Palo de Mallorca –  a spirit obtained by the maceration and/or infusion of cinchona bark and gentian root (gentina lutea) with sugar, caramelized sucrose and ethyl alcohol. Its name is derived from cinchona bark (also known as palo quina), which originally came from South America and became known in Spain thanks to the Countess of Chinchón. Cinchona bark contains various different substances like quinine, which gives it a bitter, astringent taste but has antipyretic and anti-malarial properties.

It turns out that this stuff was actually still drinkable, although I’m fairly sure that determining this took several months off my life.  It is incredibly interesting to see how thick this type of liqueur becomes over time.  It’s hard to see in the photo, but this thing had LEGS – about the viscosity of a thin molasses or WD-10.

Anyway – we tossed it.  I’m really hoping that one of you dedicated readers doesn’t tell me that the bottle was worth 30 grand.  Moving on…

Next on the block was pretty much the coolest wine bottle ever, containing the most destroyed cork and oxidized wine known to man.  This was a 1965 Château Cissac, a winery in the Moulis-en-Médoc appellation (or “controlled wine area”) of the larger Bordeaux wine region of France.  Odds on this was a pretty good wine during its day.  Now…no longer so…

All those little pieces in the sink are from my repeated attempts to get the cork out without pushing it into the wine.

This wine did have what I think is on of the greatest wine labels I’ve ever seen.  Talk about classy.

Has anyone ever had to clear out old liquor cabinets?  Any interesting finds?

For those of you who watched the VMAs last night, I apologize.  You did, however, get to see Kanye snatch the microphone away from Taylor Swift, whos identity had eluded me up until that point point, during her acceptance speech to proclaim Beyonce’s “Single Ladies” as one of the greatest videos of all time.  Many people were confused as to why Mr. West decided to do this for a category he wasn’t even nominated in.

Well, you might just have to chalk it up as Mr. Hennessy’s fault.

And for those of you wondering why this is on Epic Portions, notice that there is a category for Beer/Drinks.  Also notice the Hennessy.  Cease wondering.

View from 96th floor of John Hancock Building. Sears Tower is on the far right (Loop financial district) - it is the tallest actual building in North America (C.N. Tower is just a big radio tower). The dark area to the left is Lake Michigan.

There’s nothing really food related about this post, just a travel tip for all you folks that love exploring very unique bars and clubs.   I used to live outside Chicago and here’s a neat trick I learned.

If you ever find yourself visiting or hanging out in downtown Chicago – do not go to the Sears Tower.   You will wait in line with screaming children and sweaty tourists.  I mean, why hang out in the tallest building in North America when you can hang out in the 6th tallest building in North America, and gaze upon the tallest building as it shimmers across America’s greatest downtown!?  That’s right friends - head on over to the John Hancock Building at the North end of Chicago’s Magnificent Mile (Michigan Ave.).

As you head in, do not go to the observation deck – it costs money and you will remain thirsty as you gaze over the city from the top of the world.  Also, do not go to the Signature Room – this is one of the most expensive restaurants in Chicago and it is actually BELOW the Signature Lounge (95th floor, instead of the 96th!).  Instead go to the Signature Lounge for these reasons:

1. It is Free.
2. It has the most amazing views of Chicago.  Ever.
3. You will receive good service from hilarious and friendly waiters/waitresses.  I have been several times and they’ve always impressed me!
4. Drinks in downtown chicago are expensive.  It is the 3rd largest city in America, so drinks are almost as much as they are at the airport.  Alcohol is rare there.  Drinks at the Signature room are no more expensive than anywhere else in the area!  Apparently, the booze takes the elevator for free, just like you did!
5. If it is busy…wait for a table next to the windows.  Wait an hour.  Wait 2 hours if you have to.  For Goddsake, you’re waiting on top of a skyscraper.
6. Wait for a table on the south side of the building.  You’ll know you’re on the south side by the lights…since it faces THE ENTIRE CITY OF CHICAGO.
7. You can linger without problems if you nurse a bottle of wine (many are under $40) or a couple of martinis.  I recommend the Chocolate Martini – “I believe I detected a hint of Hazelnut?  Was that Frangelico?”

In summary: I don’t care how trendy you are, or what kind of DJ, or furniture, or nonsense fads you peddle in order to get customers.  If you’re a bar and you don’t happen to be damn near a quarter of a mile in the air, you probably just can’t compete with the Signature Lounge.  Period.

I recommend lingering into the evening....

This is Navy Pier at night. You can see this from the East side of the building that looks into the darkness of Lake Michigan. I recommend avoiding Navy Pier at all costs - if you do not want to stumble into the ultimate tourist trap

The Signature Lounge at the 96th
875 N. Michigan Ave.
Chicago, IL 60611
312.787.9596

http://www.signatureroom.com/Signature-Lounge/