Summer Beer Festival is over and before I comment on my favorites I would like to point out the awesomeness that is Ypsilanti.  Thousands upon thousands of beer drinkers, many of whom were inebriated (myself included), and the crowd was amazing.  Everyone was friendly and why not, we were drinking incredible beer.  Rain and swamp-like conditions be damned, it was one of those happy to be alive moments.

I tasted so many beers that before I announce my favorite here are the honorable mentions:

Copper Canyon Ginger Kids Revenge Imperial Red

Frog Island Bengal IPA

Big Buck Lemon Summer Ale

Dark Horse Crooked Tree IPA

Founders Black Biscuit

However, my award for beer of the Festival goes to:

Dragonmead Redwing Raspberry Wheat – Perfect for a warm summer evening, hint of raspberry that really comes alive with the finish.  For me to pick anything with the words “Red” and “Wing” in it is amazing in and of itself, as I am certainly NOT a fan of the local hockey team. However, even with that handicap Dragonmead’s Raspberry wins.  Also, Dragonmead is a really bad-ass name.

Special award for Most Interesting Beer goes to our friends at Bastone Brewery for their Peanut Butter Ale.  Refreshing and delicious.  Seriously.

The best tent and overall brewer award goes to Gaylord, MI’s own Big Buck Brewery.  Their Lemon Summer Ale was a revelation, damn near a winner overall.  Also, they made an ice cream stout that was unbelievably delicious.

Kudos to the Michigan Brewers Guild for a fine event.  Let it be known to all that Michigan is the United States capital for microbrews, so says Epic Portions.  I’ll put our group up against any other state.

Good night and good luck.

Ruff, Ruff!! I'm Hop Hound the rockin' dog!

It’s difficult to know what to expect when macro-brewers endeavor to create a craft beer.  Sometimes it works out, and sometimes it doesn’t.  As for the effort, I like to think that even though the idea sprang from a whorish money grabbing attempt by the marketing department, those who actually get to brew the beer relish the opportunity to construct a legitimate, quality beverage.

Hop Hound Amber Wheat, from our old pals at Anheuser Busch/InBev, fills the entire spectrum of poor marketing and decent craftsmanship.  Has anyone seen an ad for Hop Hound?  If you have, please clue me in.  And why not blitz the airwaves with advertising for Hop Hound, I mean, there’s a freaking dog on the label!  The possibilities are endless.  Never mind that the dog on Hop Hound looks like Poochie, the cartoon dog from The Simpsons that was used to make Itchy and Scratchy seem new and fresh, it’s still a dog!

I have to go now. My planet needs me...to sell beer!

The Hop Hound dog may not be totally in my face, but he’s got a modicum of attitude and style.  Besides, before he was jailed for statutory rape, sent to rehab and found Jesus, Spuds McKenzie proved that even a crack-addled canine can sell beer.

A sweatshirt? Really, Spuds? I know it was the 80's but come on...

As for the beer, Hop Hound isn’t bad at all.  Certainly not the disgrace that is Bud Light Golden Wheat.  Hop Hound, for starters, tastes like beer.  It has a decent amount of complexity to it.  Sort of a light, malty, wheat flavor with citrus undertones.  Not bad for a hot July 4th barbeque, certainly better than Bud Light, my other option.  I do wonder why a beer that has relatively little hoppiness (is that a word?) calls itself Hop Hound.  Maybe to a dog it is hoppy, but I digress.  The fact that it falls short of Costco’s Kirkland Signature Amber Ale is perhaps a question of taste.  I have no doubt that there will be those who really like Hop Hound, and kudos to them.  Personally, I don’t see myself buying it again but who knows, like I said it had some things going for it.  I just can’t help but feel that it lacked soul.  Maybe it was the dog.  Maybe there is a degree of prejudice because this is the same conglomeration that created Bud Light Golden Wheat. 

I will say that I am now interested to try Michelob’s Shock Top, their take on a Belgian white.  Hop Hound is good enough to give me a little hope.  If I do try it, you will be the first to know.  Not literally.  The person who sells me the beer will know, and so will my wife, and maybe a friend or two.  But rest assured dear readers, you will be no more than fifth or sixth on the list…

On a side note, how come there are never any cats on beer bottles?  And I don’t mean tigers or lions or leopards or ocelots or any other near relation.  I mean a domestic house cat.  As the owner of two cats, I can assure you that they can party with the best of them.  I’m throwing down the gauntlet, beer makers, I want a cat on my beer bottle by the end of the year.  I can see it now, Founders Ferocious Feline IPA.  Make it happen.

Is there anything worse than spam?  Be it the culinary version, or the kind that has been assaulting EP, few things are more loathsome than spam.  On that note, our comment feature has been modified for the time being.  It seems our spam filter is having problems because insurance, cialis, and whatever other crap the moronic spammers are into these days have been getting through.  Until we get this figured out, all comments go to us for approval.  I want to reiterate to all EP readers, we do not believe in censorship.  We will approve every legitimate comment that goes through.  If you doubt this, check out comments on our posts.  We have been verbally assaulted on more occasions than I can remember.  And not just from the Guy Fieri mafia.  Hopefully this minor inconvenience will be rectified soon.  If I felt eating Spam and eggs would help, I would do it.  On that note, is there a reader out there that actually likes Spam?  If you do, please share.  If something seems appetizing I’ll give it a shot…now to the random musings.

I can’t think of a better culinary topic on the Fourth of July than corn on the cob.  On the grill or in the oven (I refuse to boil corn on the cob) has to be the way to go.  Not too long ago, I started cooking or grilling it while still in the husk.  For me, there is no other way.  The husk keeps the moisture in and steams the corn.  It is perfect every time.  30 minutes in a 375° oven, give it a few minutes to cool and dig in.

When did putting grapes in chicken salad become commonplace and why is this still tolerated?

Chicken salad with grapes, served in a glass on a bed of lettuce. Wrong on so many levels.

Speaking of salad, potato salad can really surprise you sometimes.  I was at a BBQ last weekend and the host, who used to cook at the now defunct Cottage Inn Café on Washtenaw Avenue (moment of silence, please) made a potato salad that had capers in it, and it was quite good.  Normally I have no use for capers.  I’ve got to get his recipe; beyond chicken piccata I had no idea capers could be delicious.

I broke down and bought a gas grill last year.  I know, grilling enthusiasts, charcoal is the way to go, but the simplicity of gas has proven valuable.  I grill far more often with the gas grill than I did on my Weber.  But today I ran out of propane before my burgers were finished.  I cried out “NOOOOOOOOOO” to the heavens.  Score another point for charcoal.

Fourth of July food discussion can’t be complete without mentioning beer.  I tried Michelob’s Hop Hound at a party this weekend, as it was either that or Bud Light.  Review to come sometime later this week…

Why is Poochie the rockin' dog on this beer bottle? Tune in later this week to find out!

As long as we are talking about beer, I love a good Hefeweizen but if I can taste banana in my beer I am going to switch to something else.  Unless it is Bud Light Golden Wheat.

Did anyone else see this picture of Cookie Monster with the hot Russian spy chick? 

Cookie Monster with hot redhead Russian spy. Seems like our old friend is doing pretty well for himself since retiring.

Looks like CM has been living an interesting life since he retired.  Perhaps he’ll send us another letter someday…

And even though John hates soccer, one World Cup comment.  If Netherlands wins the World Cup, the greatest party in history will be in Amsterdam.  I would do unspeakable things to be there on that night.

Dutch soccer fans. Makin' orange look gooooood.

Your eyes are not deceiving you.  What follows is a review of Bud Light Golden Wheat.  Why, you ask?  Did I fall and hit my head?  Did I recently give up self-mutilation and feel a need to wound myself?  No to all.  We’ve seen the commercials and wondered. I have written glowingly about Budweiser American Ale, and stand by those writings.  Could Anheuser-Busch/InBev or whatever the hell they call themselves now strike gold two times?  I was curious to find out…

Not so curious to try it before now.  If you are a price conscious beer shopper, than you may have noticed that a six pack of Bud Light Golden Wheat is priced at $7.49.  I’m not that curious, especially considering a six pack of Leiny’s Sunset Wheat is $6.99 and Bell’s Oberon is $7.99.  Anyone who would choose Golden Wheat over those two at that price is insane, stupid, or some horrifying combination of the two.  But this past weekend, it was on sale for $5.99.  Why not go for it?  I justified it by saying I could write a review; such is my love for you, dear Epic Portions readers that I was willing to not only purchase Bud Light Golden Wheat, but consume it as well, all for your knowledge and edification. 

But is it that bad?  How low were my expectations?  If on a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being the beer equivalent of fermented horse urine, and 10 being the most delicious wheat beer ever (Hoegaarden), I was hoping for a 5 or 6.  Something akin to Blue Moon Light.  Not totally unrealistic considering that the aforementioned Bud American Ale is a very solid amber ale.

Quite often the word FAIL is casually tossed around, but after trying Bud Light Golden Wheat I now believe the use of FAIL was intended specifically for this product.  It is wretched.  The bottle claims it is brewed with, “coriander and citrus peels.”  I defy anyone to tell me they can taste either in Golden Wheat.  I couldn’t taste coriander, I couldn’t taste citrus, but I could sure as hell taste Bud Light.  Even after drinking five of them, I still couldn’t taste either.  And at 4.1% alcohol, I was unable to drink myself into a state of no longer caring.  I stumbled upstairs to bed, knowing that I would awaken the next morning with a shame not felt by yours truly since I was single.  Waking up next to Golden Wheat made me feel like I needed to bathe in disinfectant.

Surely some kind of sexually transmitted disease was passed on when these two hooked up

On a side note, written on the bottle is the following:  “Unflitered wheat beer will settle.  Roll gently to mix.”  Not to go all beer snob on them, but do they mean DECANT?  I’m supposed to decant my bottle of Bud Light Golden Wheat?!?!  And like an idiot I did!  I spent an hour apologizing to my frosty mug for subjecting it to Golden Wheat.  Trust me, you haven’t really suffered from humiliation until a frosty mug has called you a “sorry-ass piece of shit.”  Time to take up self-mutilation, I suppose.

Great pain and suffering can produce great art, and while I am no artist I did compose a haiku to cleanse myself of the befouling beast of Golden Wheat:

bud light golden wheat

a golden shower of shame

summer beer failure

What was it that John said about not basing too many posts off of Thisiswhyyourefat?  Well: this totally started as a This Is Why You’re Fat post about Guinness Pudding, which then led me over to Sprinklebakes (who is so brilliant!) and a fantastic explanation on how to make it happen.  But… this is me, this is Epic Portions, and I wanted to make it my own. (Also: I’m from St Louis once-upon-a-time, and I don’t really enjoy that that company that owns Guinness is kind of taking over, and I wanted to support the home team.)  So, I eliminated the Guinness, replaced it with Schlafly’s Oatmeal Stout, added a chocolate graham crust, and voila: Chocolate Stout Pie.  Delicious!

Chocolate Stout Pie (makes two 8in pies)
1.5 cups chocolate graham crumbs
6 tblspn melted butter
1/4 cup sugar
1/4 tablespoon salt

11 egg yolks
1 1/3 cup sugar
20 oz stout
4 cups heavy whipping cream
10 oz high-quality chocolate

First, make your crusts. Melt the butter, crumble your graham crackers, and combine them with the sugar and salt.  Press firmly into your pie pans, and bake for 15 minutes in a 350F over.

Now, for your pudding: in a metal bowl, beat together the egg yolks and the sugar.  Slowly pour the stout into a large glass, pouring down the side so that you don’t get foam.  Foam = bad for baking.  Now, take a heavy-bottomed saucepan and pour half of the stout into it.  Add 3 cups of the heavy cream, and slowly heat until bubbles begin to form at the edges.  Meanwhile, melt your chocolate in a double-boiler.  Once the bubbles are forming over in cream-stout world, pour the hot liquid into the melted chocolate and beat until combined.  Slowly pour that mixture into the egg mixture, beating constantly to prevent it from curdling.  (No, spell check, I did not mean cuddling. Curdling.)  Pour the entire mix back into your saucepan and cook over medium heat for about 20 min, until it thickens to coat the back of a spoon.  Pour the cooked mixture into a blender and blend on high for about two minutes, then pour into your baked crusts.  Cover with plastic wrap and refrigerate until cooled.

In the meantime, pour the other half of the stout into a small saucepan and bring to a boil.  Reduce to medium heat and simmer for a good long time until you have a syrup.  Just don’t burn it – it’ll smell really bad and taste even worse.  When you have a nice thick delicious stouty syrup, pour it into a small bowl and refrigerate until cool.  Once your syrup is cool and your pudding is set, beat the remaining cup of heavy cream into soft peaks, then add the syrup and beat until combined.  Divide between your pies, refrigerate for an hour or so to set everything, and serve.

Trust me, you’ll be glad it makes two!

I was at my local Kroger a couple weeks ago when I spotted a vague sign for something called Summerfest.  Without thinking much of it, I wondered if it was some summer concert series with a mismatched amalgamation of bands.  Ani DiFranco, Slipknot and Death Cab for Cutie on stage all together!  Turns out it was a beer display, which brought much joy to my heart.

According to Kroger, summer beer begins with Bud Select, Miller Lite Chill, Bud Light and Labatt Blue.  But located on the bottom of the pile was something I had never laid eyes on before.  It read:  Sierra Nevada Summerfest Lager.  I was very excited, “Look Evie, Summerfest Beer from Sierra Nevada!,” I exclaimed to my one year old daughter.  Ignoring the looks from the super judgey Moms around me, I grabbed a 12 pack and added it to my cart. 

Sierra Nevada Summerfest Lager

Summerfest advertises itself as a “pilsner style lager” which prepared me for something new from my old buddies from Chico, CA.  This wasn’t going to be the hoppy blast of their amazing pale ale or their rich smoky stout.  I prepared my taste buds with some homemade Mexicali Dip and popped open my first bottle.

The first drink went down very crisp, with a lemony flavor.  I could tell this was going to be a very light drinking experience, the kind of beer that demands you have more than one.  But what hit me the most was the pleasant floral finish, something akin to what you get from Sierra Nevada’s Pale Ale, but very subtle.  It made what was going to be a good beer, very good, bordering on great.  All in all a very solid effort, easily in the same league as Sam Adams Summer Ale and Bell’s Oberon to name two.

If you expect a pleasurable drinking experience from Sierra Nevada Summerfest, you will not be disappointed.  Overall, I recommend that the beer loving EP readership give Summerfest a shot.  It will not disappoint, and provides a new and welcome addition to the summer beer selection.

Too often in this world we don’t get a chance to tell those we care about how we feel until it is too late.  Well, I’m not going to let that happen to me!  Trader Joe’s, you are awesome and I love you.  From your delicious trail mixes, specialty beer, three buck Chuck, pre-cooked chicken sausage (amazing), sauces and desserts, to the way you rip off my iPod every time I shop there. The last two times I went there TJ’s was piping in Radiohead and Bob Marley.  When was the last time you heard Radiohead at a grocery store?

TJ's never leaves me High and Dry.

As for delicious food, I would specifically like to speak about several different TJ’s specialties that have won my heart.  For an appetizer, start with Trader Joe’s Horseradish Hummus and Trader Joe’s Pita Chips.  Combine these two and life is grand.  I had never found a horseradish hummus before I first spotted it at TJ’s and have seen it nowhere else since.  Too bad?  Not really, because no one could do it as well as TJ anyway.

Trader Joe's Horseradish Hummus

What better way to wash down horseradish hummus than beer?  TJ’s has a wonderful beer selection, but I usually get Trader Joe’s Bavarian Hefeweizen. 

TJ's Hefeweizen

Delicious and refreshing, I have yet to wear this out and move on to another of TJ’s beer offerings, but no doubt I eventually will.  And that one will be great as well. 

Finally, I have to say a word about the greatest sandwich cookie known to man or beast.  The Joe-Joe.  Joe-Joe’s would be best described as similar to an Oreo, but some of the greatest minds in cookie engineering have made a better cookie. 

Joe-Joe's. Eat and squawk loudly.

The tops of the cookies easily peel away if, like my son, you enjoy removing the top of the cookie and eating the crème filling.  Oreo has not mastered this trick and it is still possible to break your Oreo (especially if you are six) when you try to unscrew the lid.  Unforgivable.  Joe-Joe’s also have about as much crème as a Double Stuff Oreo, so they are more robust on top of their superior engineering.  TJ’s offers them in three flavors:  vanilla cookie with vanilla crème filling, chocolate cookie with vanilla crème filling, and my favorite, chocolate cookie with chocolate crème filling.  They used to offer a chocolate cookie with a peanut butter filling that was incredible but it has been discontinued.  I never received a satisfactory answer as to why they did this, but years ago I sent a dead fish wrapped in newspaper to TJ’s Corporate HQ and feel better about the whole thing now.  Ain’t no time to hate.  Amazing how the sending of a dead fish washes away the anger…

I plan to have a segment in the future called “Jeremy and Trader Joe’s Semi-Homemade is better than Sandra Lee’s.”  In that feature I will show how you can make a healthy and delicious dinner for a family in 20 minutes (suck on it Rachael Ray) using products purchased at TJ’s (except for shallots, which I use a lot and TJ’s does not carry.)  I often say that we here at Epic Portions have the most intelligent readership on the web, and most of you have brains and know how to combine pre-made ingredients.  I don’t think I’m some kind of genius, but since cooking duties are mine every night I appreciate a simple, healthy meal that tastes good, the kids like, and saves me a little time and effort.  Contrary to popular belief, making dinner every night with a six year old and a one year old roaming loose in the house is not the easiest thing in the world.  If my time savers can help anyone with similar duties and keep them from watching Sandra Lee than I have done something positive.  And I promise, no tablescape bullshit.

So there it is, TJ’s.  It doesn’t matter if you feel the same about me, or that your cashier made my daughter cry, I still love you.  Maybe next time I’m there you can dim the lights and play some Barry White.  I can’t get enough of your horseradish hummus, babe.