After hearing about Subway’s decision to begin serving breakfast, I planned a long epic rant.  I then realized that the pictures circulating around the internet spoke for themselves, and no one in their right mind would buy this crap after seeing what it actually looked like.

Instead, I would like to point you in the direction of Indianapolis Eater’s recent review on WouldIBuyitAgain.

Oh, and to add a little bit of originality I went to Google Translate and translated my feelings into Spanish.  Anyone who can translate what the following says earns 1000 cool points from me.  Those are hard to come by.

Subway es una estupidez y sirve comida horrible. Cinco pies dólar anhela es la peor canción del mundo. Odio a metro. Si usted come a metro, usted no está comiendo fresco. Usted está comiendo estúpido.

When it comes to breakfast, I’m a diner or family restaurant kind of guy.  My parents, however, are fancy pants breakfast kind of people.  My Dad has one criteria for a breakfast establishment and it’s that they serve fresh squeezed orange juice.  They could serve him burnt pancakes and a bowl of raw eggs, but if they came with a juice of fresh squeezed, pulpy orange juice he’s there.  Cafe Marie is my parents’ favorite breakfast spot, mostly because of that fresh squeezed orange juice.

Cafe Marie in Ann Arbor doesn’t exactly qualify as a breakfast “joint”, so I’ve never been much of a fan.  The food is pretty solid, but it just seems like a little too much for me.  Specialty coffees?  Salmon scramble?  Pecan pancakes?  Come on.  This is the kind of place where when you order a juice, they bring it to you in a “2 drink” sized glass.  Apparently, Cafe Marie supports dehydration.

Like I said before, the food is definitely solid.  Don’t get me wrong, I can’t hate on the Huevos Hermosos, which is chorizo sausage, jalapenos, and tomatoes, scrambled with eggs and covered in cheese.  It’s actually pretty delicious.  The chorizo may be a little bland, but the actual dish has a ton of flavor.  Problem is it costs $7.85 and comes with exactly what you see below.  Well, minus the “Potato and Cheese Avalanche” in the bowl over top.  That’s an extra $3.25.

Bottom line is Cafe Marie serve up some very good food, but it’s just a little too much when it comes to breakfast.  If you’re looking for some morning eats in a spot that is both a little fancy, but still casual, then it’s perfect for you.

On February 21st, 2009 I attempted the Bomber Breakfast for the first time and failed miserably.  It was an embarrassing moment for me.  The waitresses laughed at me, and the bus boy made me bus my own table.  As I was pulling out of the parking lot, customers began throwing eggs at my car.  I required many hours of intense therapy to get over the pain, and three car washes to clean the eggs off.

After my rehabilitation period, I began training for the moment when I was ready to go back and prove to these people that I am not the “skinny little bitch” that they claimed I was.  That breakfast could fit in my stomach, I just went about it wrong!  I should have eaten the hash browns first!  With this in mind, I decided to go full Rocky 4 style and travel to Russia for some old school training.  This included jumping rope, running through the snow, doing sit-ups in a barn, and other activities that don’t involve performance enhancing drugs or running on a treadmill on a ridiculous incline.

With my mind, body and spirit in the right place I returned to the Bomber to reclaim my self respect.  I ordered my breakfast and the waitress brought it to me with a giant smirk on her face.  Little did she know, I was about to blow her mind.

If you’re not familiar with the bomber breakfast, it is one pound of hash browns, ten strips of bacon, four eggs, and two slices of toast.  Observe:

My plan going in was to smother the hash browns with ketchup and Red Hot so they would go down easier.  The first time I attempted this I ate the bacon first then moved onto the hash browns.  This ended up being a terrible idea.  The real challenge of getting through this breakfast is the hash browns.  The taste gets old real fast and your stomach becomes full if you don’t get them down fast enough.  My plan worked beautifully, and the potatoes were gone from the plate within five minutes.  It was a moral victory me just to get those things down.

After getting through the hash browns, it was all down hill from there.  Bacon and over easy eggs are two of my favorite things in the entire world, so this wasn’t even much of a challenge anymore.  The bacon was a little crispy, but it went down fast.  No problems here.  I did see the waitress walk by a few times with a worried look on here face.  Boom.

With the bacon and hash browns gone, victory was in sight.  All I had to do was smash through four eggs and a couple pieces of toast.  I considered this more of a victory lap than a final stretch.  I broke the yolks with my first two pieces of toast and used the dip method, ate the whites with my fork, then cleaned the plate with my final two pieces of toast.  Victory was mine.

If you will notice, I decided to devour that stupid orange garnish just to prove a point.  After finishing, I threw my plate across the restaurant and walked out without paying my bill.  Who’s laughing now?

I would like to point out that everything written above is false.  No one made any ill comments towards me, threw eggs at my car, or made any faces at me.  I also did not travel to Russia.  I did, however, destroy the Bomber Breakfast and the orange that came with it.  Boo yah, bitches.

I have to admit, I’ve driven by Taco Bell multiple times and wished I could pick up a breakfast burrito.  There’s only so many Egg McMuffins you can have before you need a break, and Burger King breakfast will leave you with a grease hangover through lunch.  Why hasn’t Taco Bell ever taken advantage of people like me who crave their food at 8am?   Apparently, they plan to.

The idea of bringing breakfast to Taco Bell has been going on for a while, but this is the first time I’ve come across photographic evidence.   They tried it out way back in 1992 at only one location, and the decision to test out a breakfast menu again began in 2006.   The breakfast menu has just recently been expanded to restaurants outside of the test market in Orange County.  375 stores are now equipped to carry it, and a marketing campaign is expected to begin in January 2010.  From what I hear, breakfast will be available in Taco Bells nation wide by 2012.  The new a.m. menu will feature Jimmy Dean sausage, Seattle’s Best coffee, Dole produce and Cinnabon alongside its chalupas, gorditas and double-decker tacos.

The thought of a grilled stuft burrito for breakfast literally has me wanting to take a roadtrip to one of the test markets.  Sausage and bacon grilled stuft burrito?  I want you.  I need you.  Oh baby.  Oh baby.  On the other hand, the “French Toast Deluxe” looks absolutely disgusting.  That’s exacty what I want 4 hours after eating breakfast.  Syrup fingers.

French Toast Deluxe

The Morning Wrap

From time to time Shaya, my best bacon friend in the world, sends me links to bacon related websites, products, you name it. Yesterday, she just may have out done herself. Ladies and gentleman, I present to you….

Bacon Chocolate Chip Pancake Mix.

Holy shitake mushrooms.

Ironically, I don’t even like eating breakfast. I just love food. My day usually starts with cups and cups of coffee. Occasionally, I’ll start whipping something up, have a bite, then either throw it away or feed if to my nephews if they’re staying over. I do, however, love cooking treats, and my recent obsession has been variations of s’mores and twists to traditional french toast. It was only a matter of time till the two collided into what I call S’more Toast. I started off with chopped chocolate chips and chopped up marshmallows. If I had mini chocolate chips or mini marshmallows I would have been saved from using the cutting board, but it was well worth it. Unlike the sausage french toast, this thing was too thick to pinch down on the sides so if you try this at home, don’t even bother, just carefully place it in the french toast goop. Use the biggest spatula you have to help you flip it over. The best about this, and the part I considered to be the most genius, was crushing graham crackers to coat the french toast before frying. I tried to use as little butter as possible when frying it because I didn’t want the crust to get soggy. The chocolate melted perfectly and the marshmallows were nice and gooey. No syrup needed. I actually ate it like a sandwich. Still qualifies as french toast, right?

Chopped chocolate

Sprinkle with love

Covered in yum

Very carefull placed in french toast goop

What are those, you ask? GRAHAM CRACKER CRUMBS!

This reminds me of Cap'n Crunch French Toast, if yoy don't know what I'm talking about, holy bananas, you need to try Cap'n Crunch French Toast.

Finished product

Varta strikes again.

If you read the blog a few days ago you are aware of Varta, one of the great breakfast minds of our time.   You were privileged enough to witness one of the most delicious breakfast creations ever, an egg cuddled in bacon, cheese and sausage.  Well, she’s back in a big way with another incredible looking creation: french toast stuffed with sausage.  I’m not sure if it’s just that I am a sucker for foods stuffed with other foods, but this seriously brought tears to my eyes.

Hey IHOP.. Get off your ass.

Crusts off. Genius.

Into the french toast goop

Holy rancho cucamongao. Drizzled in sizzurp