Worst.  Food.  Ever.

A lot of people wonder why I like food so much but still continue to frequent fast food restaurants.  People even question my taste in food because of it.  The truth is, fast food tastes good.  It’s designed and processed that way.  If you don’t like fast food, is probably because you’re smart enough to realize that the reason it tastes good is the same reason it’s terrible for you.  Then again, I know that good and well but still need to get my fix every once in a while.  There’s just a few things that I could never go without.  On that list is KFC’s Famous Bowl.

The Famous Bowl isn’t new or relevant to anything, I just love Famous Bowls.  I know, to some people, it’s the most disgusting fast food combination ever created, but to me it’s perfection.  I’m one of those people that combines their entire Thanksgiving dinner into one pile until it resembles something that they would serve in prison.  The mixture of mashed potatoes, turkey, stuffing, gravy,and corn makes my Thanksgiving every year.  Apparently someone at KFC used this same mixture method and decided to apply it to their menu.  Good man.

It was a basic concept to combine mashed potatoes, gravy, and chicken.  Who hasn’t mixed their chicken with their mashed potatoes before?  They took this a step further adding corn and just got absolutely ridiculous by topping the entire thing with cheese.  Whose idea was it to top this heart attack bowl with cheese?  Whoever you are, you don’t owe anyone an explanation.  You deserve a medal.

The Famous Bowl tops out with 740 calories, 31 grams of fat and 9 grams of saturated fat, 2110 mg sodium.  If you’re on a 2,000 calorie diet the bowl provides you with a third of your calories, 47% of your fat and 45% of your saturated fats, and 87% of your sodium.  That’s not irresponsible, that’s a bargain.

So to the people who think it’s ridiculous that I like Famous Bowls while giving my opinion on more “respectable” cuisine, I completely agree with you.  There’s just something about this mess of slop that I have to have.

On a completely random note, skip to the .52 second mark on this video for more on prison slop.  Or just watch the whole thing for comedic greatness.

I also got the missus the biggest Le Creuset roasting/cooking pot I could find.  Known as a ‘french oven’ this thing is basically an iron brick shit-house of awesomeness that should survive much longer than I will – particularly if I keep eating stuff delectables made in…the french oven.

We first tried out this thing on Christmas night – the last of the roasted Chicken  from our Community Supported Agriculture (CSA – more on that later) – still frozen two months later.  Whoops!

Look at this thing.  You could throw it down the stairs and the only thing that would get damaged would be the stairs.  And anyone at the bottom.  Cast iron enameled to protect it from heat up to god-knows-how-hot.  The only problem – since it’s iron, you’ve definitely gotta watch that water doesn’t get on the edges, or else they can rust, just like any iron cook wear.  We paired the chicken with roasted potatoes and my not-so-patented, roast brussel sprouts (basically stolen from Ina Garden – they are easiest thing ever – cut off stems, halve, toss in bowl with olive oil, salt and pepper, and roast at 400 for 35-40 mins until brown and crispy!).

Eat me! I'm delicious and I came out of the biggest pot in the world!

Good gracious - we threw some potatoes and onions in there too!

The delicious aftermath…

That is most certainly a full clove of garlic on the bottom of this photo. And I most certainly ate it and breathed deeply on everyone for the rest of the evening. Most certainly.

Be on the lookout for an update to my Chili that I made in this!

Just in case you have $26 that you wanted to throw in the trash, I encourage you to follow this link instead.  For that $26 you can have a chicken nugget shaped like a penis instead!  What an incredible opportunity.  The bidding is actually over now, but some genius dropped the $26 and an additional $3 for the shipping of this edible weiner.  It’s moment like these that make me proud to be an American.  I’m going to go listen to some John Cougar Mellencamp now.

Bizarre and Unusual Penis Shaped Chicken Nugget

Update:

Just in case your dreams were smashed when this bidding ended, I have found more penis shaped food for you.  I got your back.

Penis shaped Cheese Doodle
Current bid – $2.99

Penis shaped chicken nugget (stretching it a bit)
Opening bid – $5.00

I have no reason for posting this other than I’ve been trying to eat healthier lately, and this picture really makes me want to eat my monitor.  KFC hot wings and mashed taters.  Oh heavenly Jesus Marian Joseph.  Meeeeeeemories.

It’s been a while since I visited thisiswhyyourefat.com, primarily because I’ve been attempting to shed a few pounds.  It’s not good for me to be gazing upon the food I would like to be eating while eating a Healthy Choice dinner.  Blegh.  I feel like I’m in food prison.   Upon visiting today, I was quickly reminded why I feel in love.

4 words.  If you consider “KFC” to be a word.  If not, 3 letters and 3 words…

KFC. Double. Down. Sandwich.

Two pieces of bacon and two slices of cheese smothered with the Colonel’s Sauce with two fried chicken patties as buns.

I would do things to this sandwich that are illegal in 17 states.

update:

Wait.  This is an actual menu item?  The possibility exists that I could eat this for lunch???   Updates will follow after I try and find one.

from Foodgeekery…

another update..

Just called KFC’s corporate hotline and they gave me no further information and my local KFC does not carry it.  GAHH!!

One of the first posts I did on this blog was one dedicated to my hatred of boneless chicken wings.  I got a reply from a “sgh”, stating I did not know what I was talking about:

From: sgh

Comment:

You might want to go talk with your sources about what a Boneless Wing is made of. Real boneless wings are made from 100% all white meat chicken – the breast. Some lower quality products – aka Nuggets – are made from grinding meat.

Try the new Wendy’s Boneless Wings. They will be in store in the next couple of weeks. When you bite into them you will see that they look like the meat from a breast or their premium chicken sandwiches.

I decided to visit the nearest Wendy’s location to give them a try.  I went with the bold buffalo flavored variety, because buffalo sauce is one of my favorite things in the world.  What I found out was that these “premium” boneless wings were $3.99.  For real?  I can get McNuggets down the road for .99 cents  and spin them in home made buffalo sauce for free.  Add in a chicken sandwich and a large cherry coke, and you’ve got yourself the shittiest $10 lunch in the history of shitty $10 lunches.  I can’t be spending $10 bucks on lunch.  Who am I?  Bill Gates?  No, I’m a struggling student that likes to eat, damnit.

What I got were several chunks of average tasting chicken shaken in an average tasting buffalo sauce.  When think of buffalo sauce, I think of a mixture of red hot sauce and butter.  A delicious heavenly concoction.  Wendy’s version of the sauce is more of a syrupy consistency, with not a whole lot of tang.  The taste is more sweet than spicy.   I counted 5 above averages sized pieces of chicken, and 4 very small sizes.  Oh, and no bleu cheese dipping sauce?  What a crime.

In response to sgh, I spoke to my sources and they told me that Wendy’s boneless wings suck.  Maybe if they were a buck and some change my expectations wouldn’t be so high but for $3.99 I want some seriously good chicken, not a bunch of average pieces of chicken tossed around in a syrupy artificially flavored sauce.  I felt like Dave Thomas reached down from heaven and slapped me in the face.

Epic Portions does not reccomend Wendy’s boneless wings.  In fact, we think they are terrible.