I rarely eat fast food, but last weekend I decided to cheat on my diet and stop at Wendy’s for fries and a frosty.  Salty and sweet.  Not having eaten at Wendy’s in a while, I couldn’t help but notice the fries were devastatingly delicious.  Normally Wendy’s fries are pretty average.  I didn’t think much of it, though, when you’ve been dieting and depriving yourself of calories for a few months EVERYTHING tastes delicious.  Even Bran Flakes…

Lo and behold, I learned the other day that Wendy’s is serving new fries.  I was intrigued as I really was blown away by how good the fries were when I ate them last weekend.  I did notice that the potatoes had the skin on, which is the first step towards delicious homemade fries and mashed potatoes.  Seriously, does anyone peel potatoes anymore?  I leave the skin on when I make potato soup.  But I digress…

I went back to Wendy’s last night to confirm they were delicious and to blow up my diet.  The short answer is…yes.  They are as good as I thought they were.  What is the secret?  According to Wendy’s they are now exclusively using Russet potatoes (what took them so long), leaving the skin on, and seasoning with sea salt.

Seems to me they are simply using a higher quality potato, and it shows.  Good for them.  This EP writer gives them a big, diet-destroying thumbs up.

So apparently Burger King is rolling out their ribs in major markets(Dallas, Chicago, ect..) this week and it made me realize that I haven’t called anything stupid in a while.  In fact, after running a quick search I found that it’s been since April 5th, when I called Subway’s breakfast completely stupid, that I called anything stupid.  Well folks, Burger King decided it had been too long since John got a little perturbed about a fast food menu item and decided to do this.  Great work Burger King.  Great work.

jasonlam, flicker

BK Ribs come in packs of three, six and eight, with the six pack costing you $7.99.  If you decide that’s not enough of a bargain you can go with a combo meal, which adds on the usual fries and drink, for $8.99.

What I’m trying to figure out is why is Burger King pumping their $1 menu items and $5 meal deals and then rolling out some ribs for 8 bucks?  Also, you fast food restaurants already ruined the burger, French fries, burritos, apple pies, and countless other food items.  Can’t you leave ribs alone?  They don’t belong on fast food menus.  They belong in restaurants where there are plates and napkins.

Visit Burger King’s website to see one of the more annoying things ever advertised by a fast food company..

Four tender pork ribs with a smoky BBQ sauce. So you get all the meaty taste of BBQ ribs without the hassle, smoky clothes and runny eyes of a real BBQ.

No hassle, smoky clothes, or runny eyes of a real BBQ?  Of a REAL BBQ???? Let me get this straight.   You’re taking BBQ ribs, something that is traditionally messy(in a good way) to eat, and advertising it as a clean, anti-BBQ version? Like, “come get ribs, but they’re ribs that aren’t messy, smoky, and don’t have any flavor so your eyes won’t run”. Seriously Burger King?  I feel like punching you right now.

Last thing, Has anyone ever had broiled ribs before?  I sure haven’t.

It is time for the rest of our fast food establishments to catch Double Down fever!  I have the following suggestion for Wendy’s, and my only compensation request will be free Frosty’s for life.  They don’t even need to be twisted, just the plain old Frosty will do.

Jeremy’s Wendy’s version of the Double Down, I call it the:

Say what again!

It is quite simple, actually.  Order a Baconator and ask for two Spicy Chicken patties as the bun.   Assemble, eat and don’t forget to put extra salt on your fries.

One month's worth of food in North Korea

Just beef, bacon and cheese between two spicy chicken patties.  Glorious.  Makes the Double Down look like hospital food.

Any takers?

I’ve always been a McDonalds breakfast man.  To me, the McMuffin is the king of fast food breakfast options.  There’s just something about it.  That being said, every now and then I do get the urge to switch it up a little and grab myself a Croissan’Wich from Burger King.  It’s an extremely close second.  The only problem is the egg on the Croissan’Wich sucks.  Rather than a griddle fried egg, which comes on the McMuffin, the Croissan’Wich features some sort of omlette style egg which seems more like an egg substitute than an actual egg.  This got me thinking.  Is the griddle fried egg responsible for deliciousness that is the McMuffin? What if the Croissan’Wich had a better egg option?  I decided to figure this out for myself.

This was pretty simple.  I just took the nasty egg off of the Crossian’Wich and replaced it with the egg from the McMuffin.  The results were surprising.  Let me tell you, if Burger King used a griddle fried egg I wouldn’t even bother going to McDonalds for breakfast.  The Croissant is much tastier than the English muffin that McDonalds uses, and the sausage is usually pretty similar, if not better.  The egg added so much that was missing to the Crossian’Wich.  It even looks good upside down.  Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the first McCroissan’Wich.  I can’t really verify that claim because I didn’t research it, so you’re just going to have to take my word for it.

Just to fully test my egg theory, I replaced the delicious egg on the McMuffin with the nasty egg from the Crossian’Wich.  To be blunt, it was disgusting.  You could really taste how bland the English muffin is and the sausage really didn’t make up for the lost flavor.  Burger King’s egg lacks so much flavor that it completely affects the taste of the McMuffin.  I took two bites and decided to throw it away.

In summary, Burger King needs a griddle fried egg.  Their breakfast may be greasy and sometimes bland, but the addition of a good egg would cause me to switch to their breakfast options.

Damn, that McMuffin was nasty.

While I’m not a fan of McDonalds I do enjoy an Egg McMuffin every now and then.  Apparently in San Francisco of all places they have conjured up this sandwich, known as the Mc10:35.

Below is the recipe for this portable heart attack.  Thanks to The Consumerist and fark.com for the heads up.

1. Go to McD’s right when they are transitioning from breakfast to lunch.

2. Order one of the remaining Egg McMuffins from the breakfast menu and also order a McDouble since the lunch menu is now open.

3. Take the egg and Canadian bacon from the Egg McMuffin and put it on the McDouble.

I’d love it if John or one of our loyal readers would give this a try and get back to me.

Minyanville, a nice business and finance site, recently did a piece on the new ‘fast food diets’ like Taco Bell’s drive through diet, and Subway’s Jared campaign.  Read the fine print in the Taco Bell ad – ‘an exceptional experience based on a 1250 calorie diet.’  You read that correctly…1250 calorie.  That is…ridiculous, especially considering that the bean burritos are like 18,719,834,782,934 calories…roughly speaking.  Less with the ‘Fresco Salsa.’

Greetings, fellow food lovers! My name is Jeremy and I am honored and humbled to be joining the Epic Portions team. I have known John for several years; we used to work together and share/critique many a meal. (On a side note, if you ever need a projector malfunction fixed, John is your man.) I am a father of two (six year old and one year old) and currently a stay at home Dad, thanks to my lovely and talented wife who wishes she could wax poetic about food in her spare time. My duties include acting as primary cook for the family, and yes, that means many adventures in food. I will do my best to live up to the high standard set by John and Todd.

Now, on to the good stuff.

Now that I’m no longer working for the man, I have found that fast food has quickly disappeared from my diet. No more trips out of necessity for a quick meal, it’s just me and my daughter at home for lunch most days, and the opportunity to cook dinner for my family (almost) every night. It has been wonderful, lots of work and lots of dishes to clean but a quality meal is worth the cleanup. Being rid of the oppressive grip of fast food has been liberating to say the least. No more painful indigestion, no more annoyance with someone messing up my order, no more feeling guilty after the meal. I won’t say I’m forever through with fast food, but it had dwindled to a very rare event.

There is one chance that it could change. If a Chick-fil-a opens somewhere in Metro Detroit, I will be there faster than you can say buck-buck-buguckk!! Chick-fil-a is primarily a southern phenomenon, although it has reached its beak as far north as Indiana. It is a quirky operation, the owner is a devout Christian who has this odd habit of actually following the no work on Sundays commandment. In effect, all Chick-fil-a restaurants, be they franchise or corporate, are required to be closed on Sundays. Below is a photo of the founder:

I grew up in Atlanta and St. Louis, so this prodigious producer of prominent poultry won my heart at an early age. Since my life brought me to Michigan I have been denied this culinary delight. I’ve tried to fill the void. Wendy’s Spicy Chicken Sandwich? Please, you just lied to me three times. McDonald’s tried to bastardize a version (most likely by sending an intern to Chick-fil-a and reverse engineering) called the Southern Chicken Sandwich. This is a vile piece of food that made me weep real tears (that smelled of pickle juice or whatever the hell they used).

A couple years ago my previous job led me to Lafayette, Indiana for a day of coma inducing meetings. Imagine my surprise as I drove to the meetings when I saw… a Chick-fil-a!  My drive back to Ypsi was a true Epic Portions moment. I stocked up on more food than a Glenn Beck listener waiting for the apocalypse. Two Chick-fil-a sandwiches, 20 of their oh-so-delicious nuggets, and a trough of their waffle fries. That’s right, I said waffle fries. Plus they had Diet Dr. Pepper!!! I was in hypertension heaven.

If all you know of Chick-fil-a is the idiotic “Eat Mor Chikin” cows they use to peddle their food, please do not judge. Yes, the ad campaign sucks. Aside from being insulting to cows (unless George Orwell lied to me cows can not only spell, they can also be enslaved by totalitarian regimes) it is a far cry from the greatest fast food marketing campaign in history:

As the nearest Chick-fil-a is about three hours away, I now feel honor bound to take a road trip and see if it still holds the power it once did. My gluttonous Indiana trip aside (road trips make most food taste better) I hope I find it to be less enthralling than I once did. It is amazing how when you have children you actually begin to care about what you put into your body. Odd thing, to be setting an example for impressionable young minds by merely shoveling food down your gullet. I’m not that keen on poisoning my kids with fast food, so the sooner I let it go the better. Besides, where is the adventure in a uniform, below average, saturated fat laden meal? Goodbye to all that, I’ll save my dining out dollars for places that earn and deserve them. .