Well, hello.  Remember me?  Your fearless leader of Epic Portions?  You may recall I have written several hundred articles in the last year or so destroying Tios Mexican Cafe, combining fast food breakfast sandwiches to raise my cholesterol, and sampling KFC’s Double Down when no one else in the area would.  I think I’ve been missing in action for about a month now so I thought I owed it to my loyal fanbase(HAHA) to give up an update on where I am.

Well, I am currently in the middle of one hell of a food detox.  I did this about a year ago but it could hardly classify as a diet, let alone a detox.  This time I’ve gotten myself into some serious shit.  In the past 6 months I’ve managed to take off somewhere in the neighborhood of 35 pounds, mostly built up from heavy drinking and the crap you see me eat on this website.  The beer gut I thought would plague me for the rest of my life?  That guy is gone.  Vaaaaaanished.  There’s excuse number one.

Excuse number two is that I work at Best Buy and we are smack dab in the middle of holiday shopping.  The next time you hear someone sing “It’s the most wonderful time of the year”, I urge you to hit them as hard as you can.  Holiday shopping is awful and people are absolutely out of their minds.  If you don’t believe me, visit the customer service desk at your local Best Buy next time you’re bored.  I promise you it’s more entertaining than any reality TV program currently on television.

Excuse number three is that I’ve never tried to force anything I write onto Epic Portions.  If I wake up with an idea I run with it.  I don’t really plan anything on this site.  What you read is me sitting down and typing out what’s currently  in my head.   A lot of blogs promise posts every day, and I’m not ripping on them, but I don’t try to throw some bullshit up here just for the sake of having content for people to read.  Mostly what I’ve been eating doesn’t strike me as anything anyone would want to take time to read about, so I don’t bother posting it on here.  When I start getting that motivation back, you’ll see me on here posting just as much as I have been in the past year or so we’ve been open.

Thanks for reading, and I’m sure I’ll have some delicious content for you soon.  Until then, enjoy your holidays and for God sake, treat your retail employees well.

PS, I Love you.  Aw man, that just ruined it.