Epic Portions

Author: admin

  • Epic Product Reviews: Chocolate Cheerios

    As the parent of two young children, Cheerios are a staple at our house.  Which kind of sucks because Cheerios are pretty bland and boring.  It is, however, a healthy cereal and a nice finger food for my one year old.  We have eaten many of the other offerings from Cheerios:  Apple Cinnamon (good), Multi Grain (boring), Fruity (better than Fruity Pebbles, but high in sugar) and Frosted (pointless).  So I was quite hopeful when a couple months ago I found Chocolate Cheerios on the shelf at my local food chopper.

    Choco-Cheerios

    Thus begins a new feature on Epic Portions:  Epic Product Reviews.  Today I delve into the world of Choco-Cheerios, as my son calls them. 

    The first thing I did when I found the aforementioned Choco-Cheerios was check the nutritional information.  What I found left me pleasantly surprised, Chocolate Cheerios come out pretty favorably.  Much lower in sugar than Cocoa Puffs or Cocoa Pebbles, almost as good as regular Cheerios.  Which makes sense, and thank you to the good people at General Mills for doing what is obvious:  Just add some cocoa powder to your regular Cheerios recipe and you can add flavor without creating something equivalent to Sugar Frosted Chocolate Bombs.

    Good for Spaceman Spiff, but not my kids

    As for flavor, Choco-Cheerios are pretty solid.  If you are looking for an overdose of chocolate flavor in the morning, you may want to stick with Cocoa Puffs.  The chocolate in Choco-Cheerios is somewhat subtle, which is probably what allows it to remain relatively good for you.  And while it does leave a nice chocolate milk mixture behind, it is not as rich as Cocoa Puffs.  Kind of a shame, because one of the joys of eating Cocoa Puffs is the delicious soup of chocolate milk left at the bottom of the bowl.

    Overall, I have to give Chocolate Cheerios a big thumbs up, we have a hard time keeping it around at my house as my wife also loves it.  Good flavor, and a relatively healthy selection.  Want to up the healthy quotient?  Try this tip:

    First, acquire a large Tupperware container not unlike the one Sarah Marshall purchased for Peter in the movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall.  Then, purchase a box of Chocolate Cheerios and a box of regular Cheerios.  Pour the entire contents of both boxes into the Tupperware container.  Mix well, pour into your favorite cereal bowl and enjoy.  Now that is eating healthy, Epic Portions style.

  • Food Network: The Movie

    Ugh…as if this wasn’t bad enough, our spies have uncovered another Food Network Movie Project.

    Executive Producer Jerry Bruckheimer 

    and 

    FN Films presents: 

    un film de Jean-Pierre Jeunet 

    Tom Cruise as Bobby Flay 

    and 

    Nicole Kidman as Sandra Lee 

    in 

    Mouths Wide Open 

     
     

    Are you ready for a couch jumping Throwdown?

    Also Starring: 

    Jeff Daniels as Alton Brown

    Daniel Day-Lewis as Emeril Lagasse

    I'm going to teach you to julienne carrots with this knife!!!!

     Courtney Cox as Rachael Ray

    Jessica Simpson as Giada De Laurentiis

    The Rock as Robert Irvine

    Tyler Perry as Paula Deen

    Ice Cube as Pat Neely

    Regina Hall as Gina Neely

    Jason Bateman as Tyler Florence

    Bart Simpson as Guy Fieri

    That burrito is on point, man.
     
    Queen Latifah as Sunny Anderson

    Ewan McGregor as Ted Allen

    Azrael the Cat as Alex Guarnaschelli 

    Azrael the Cat as Alex Guarnaschelli and Gargamel as Aaron Sanchez

    Robert DeNiro as Mario Batali

    Piper Perabo as Kat Cora 

    Piper Perabo as Iron Chef Cora

    Samuel L. Jackson as Aaron McCargo Jr.

    Tina Fey as Robin Miller

    Guy Fieri as Anne Burrell

    Zooey Deschanel as Aida Mollenkamp 

    500 Days of Aida

    With:

    Colin Firth as Gordon Ramsay

    Seth Rogan as Adam Richman

    And

    George Clooney as Anthony Bourdain

    Editor’s Note:  We have been notified that Bart Simpson has refused to portray Guy Fieri.  Mr. Simpson was quoted as saying “I don’t want to play some lame-ass game show host, man.  I have standards.”  The role of Guy Fieri will now be played by Samuel L. Jackson, who will play multiple roles a la Peter Sellers in Dr. Strangelove.  

    Mmmmm….now that burger is money.

    Editor’s Second Note:  Daniel Day-Lewis’ routine of character immersion and method acting has led to his retirement (again) from making movies.  Mr. Day-Lewis now owns and operates his own restaurant, “The Last of the Crustaceans” in Lake Charles, Louisiana where he currently resides.

    I abandoned my career!!!

     Editor’s Third (and final) Note:  We have been notified that Samuel L. Jackson has left the project and refuses to portray Guy Fieri.  He was last heard storming off the set while yelling “I want these motherfucking sunglasses, off the back of my motherfucking head!”  The role of Aaron McCargo Jr. will now be played by Curtis (50 Cent) Jackson and the role of Guy Fieri will be played by Corey Feldman.

    Corey Feldman as Guy Fieri

  • Cheating Choco-Cherry Cupcakes

    What do you do when you are meant to be at a friend’s surprise birthday dinner – complete with a homemade birthday treat – in a little less than an hour?!  You cheat.  Plain and simple: Cheating Choco-Cherry Cupcakes. I topped these with cherry-mascarpone frosting, but I’ve gone with cream cheese icing before and it works well, too.  You can make these little gems in well under an hour’s time start to finish, and they taste just as good or better than any other recipe I have.  Promise!

    Cheating Choco-Cherry Cupcakes (w/ Cherry-Mascarpone Frosting)
    1 chocolate cake box mix
    2 cans cherry pie filling (21oz each)
    3 eggs
    1/4 cup vegetable oil
    8oz mascarpone
    1 stick butter (softened is nice, nuked works too)
    1.5 cups powder sugar

    Preheat your oven to 350F.  While it’s heating, put the cake mix, one and a half cans of pie filling, the eggs, and the oil in a large bowl. Beat until combined with a hand mixer – the cherries in the pie filling will get beaten into smaller pieces in the process, and that’s good.  Pour batter into lined cupcake tins and bake for 25 minutes or until the toothpick trick works.

    While baking, place the mascarpone, sugar, and butter into a separate bowl and beat with clean beaters until smooth.  Gradually beat in the other half can of pie filling until you reach a consistency and cherry-ness that you like.  Again, the hand mixing action will turn the cherries into small pieces, which makes for a very pretty frosting.  Place the frosting in the freezer to get it really cold.

    When your cupcakes are done, remove from the oven and place immediately into your refrigerator to get them cooled down quickly. When you think they are cool enough, or when you’ve run out of time, frost with the frosting.  Enjoy!

    The best thing about this recipe: choco-cherry is totally just a suggestion! Grab a box mix, grab some pie filling, and experiment. Lemon strawberry? Delicious! Choco-pumpkin? Weird, but good.  And if you are at all like me, and the moment someone mentions anything even remotely worth celebrating you think, “I should make some cake for that!” it’s a good practice to keep a box mix and some pie filling on hand. Voila, cupcakes!

    Also, in my rush, I failed to get any pictures of the cupcakes themselves. But, I did get a good picture of the b-day boy about to be lit on fire by his own treat. Happy birthday, An-Phong!