Epic Portions

Author: John

  • Subway Breakfast = Stupid

    After hearing about Subway’s decision to begin serving breakfast, I planned a long epic rant.  I then realized that the pictures circulating around the internet spoke for themselves, and no one in their right mind would buy this crap after seeing what it actually looked like.

    Instead, I would like to point you in the direction of Indianapolis Eater’s recent review on WouldIBuyitAgain.

    Oh, and to add a little bit of originality I went to Google Translate and translated my feelings into Spanish.  Anyone who can translate what the following says earns 1000 cool points from me.  Those are hard to come by.

    Subway es una estupidez y sirve comida horrible. Cinco pies dólar anhela es la peor canción del mundo. Odio a metro. Si usted come a metro, usted no está comiendo fresco. Usted está comiendo estúpido.

  • The Double Down is Coming for your Heart

    Last summer I wrote about my search for the rare phenomenon that was KFC’s Double Down Sandwich.  In case you missed it, the Double Down is two pieces of bacon and two slices of Monterey Jack and pepper jack cheese smothered with the Colonel’s Sauce with two fried chicken patties as buns.  No room for bread here.  Seriously, can this combination lose?

    Well, a rep for KFC came across Epic Portions and our burning desire to try this sandwich and informed me that the Double Down will be available nation wide starting on April 12th.  They also sent me nutritional information but I disregarded it entirely.  If you’re interested in trying this sandwich I highly double you care that is has 1430 beautiful mg of sodium.  Whoops!

  • Guy Fieri Makes it too Easy

    I’ll be honest, I follow Guy Fieri on Twiter.  It’s not because I’m interested in all things Guy Fieri.  It’s so I can reply to every Tweet I see from him with “shut up.”   Call it chidlish, but I challenge you to follow the guy and not think the exact same thing in your head.  I’m just doing my part.

    In Guy’s most recent Tweet, he felt the need to let Ryan Seacrest know that he was looking forward to doin his show tomorrow, and how kewl it will be.  Seriously, when was the last time anyone said “kewl”?   Why does he say Hey RS, then include @RyanSeacrest right after it?  Any Why is Guy Fieri sending his Tweets VIA text?????  Does Guy Fieri not own a cell phone that supports a Twitter app?  I’m so confused.