Epic Portions

Author: John

  • Taco Bell Beefy 5-Layer Burrito

    I have a system when I go to Taco Bell.  Some might call this the J.O.H.N. system, but I can’t come up with any words that make sense to fulfill that acronym so actually no one calls it that except for me.  I like to order a few different courses like I’m eating some fancy meal.  I usually start from the $.89 menu options, such as pintos and cheese or perhaps the 5 layer nachos.  I then progress to the middle of the road items such as 1/2 lb cheesy potato burrito or a cheesy bean and rice burrito.  The main course comes after that, usually consisting of a chicken quesadilla or a grilled stuft burrito.  I like to keep it fresh with variety, never ordering a burrito for all three courses.  That would get real old real fast.

    The beautiful part about the J.O.H.N. system is that Taco Bell is aware of my frequent boredom with the same menu items.  This is why they frequently come up with new menu items to freshen up my courses.  The best is when they debut a new $.89 cent item, because the cheap items don’t switch up too often.  Most recently, they came up with the Beefy 5-Layer Burrito, which consists of the Taco Bell hall of famers and nothing more. No fancy Baja or avocado ranch sauce in this burrito. They stick with only the classics.  It’s like the Mexican pizza of burritos, except people might order them that aren’t over the age of 40.


    Beef, beans, cheese and sour cream, all wrapped in a tortilla that’s covered in another tortilla, but not until they smother the in between area with nacho cheese.  How perfect is that?  $.89 cents for all of that?  In these harsh economic times, this has to be the perfect fast food menu item, as well as a perfect option for my “appetizer” course.  This has increased my Taco Bell intake by at least 325% over the last few weeks.

    I would like like to reiterate that that actual burrito is wrapped in an additional tortilla that has been smothered in nacho cheese.  Seriously, who thought of this?  I hope they have been promoted or at least given some sort of medal of honor.  Not only does the additional tortilla help hold in the ingredients, BUT IT HAS MORE CHEESE!  NOT JUST THAT SHREDDED CHEESE, BUT NACHO CHEESE!  I apologize for the caps, but it’s an idea that has me excited about eating.  Look at this picture!  Amazing!

    So to the team that developed this burrito and to Taco Bell in general, Epic Portions salutes you for perfecting an appetizer perfect for the J.O.H.N. system, and creating one of the best Taco Bell menu items of all time.  I am excited to be a part of it.

  • It’s HopSlam Season

    It’s officially HopSlam season, which means that we are privileged to one of the best beers on earth from January 7th until mid February.  This double IPA is a must for any hop fiend and beer lovers in general.  I’m serious.  If you like hops, this stuff is like candy.  It contains a delicious bitter hopiness, but is still a little sweet due to added honey.  It would be great if this was a year around beer, but the short period of availability really makes this a special seasonal choice.  I picked up my first six pack of the season this weekend and was reminded of why I have been craving the release date.  I even got out my boot to celebrate.

  • Dinner at Home

    One thing I don’t emphasize enough on this blog is my love for cooking.  I would be lying if I said that I didn’t love eating out, but the more I learn to make meals the way I like them the less I enjoy eating out at places unless they have something really special that I am looking for.  My style of cooking is a little different, because I enjoy throwing a bunch of different things together, measuring be damned, and hope it turns out good.  This is how I’ve always went about the process, and I’ve learned a lot more because of it.  Rarely do I ever follow recipes exactly how they are written.   I always like to change things and add my own ingredients.  This is what makes it fun for me.

    I cooked a big dinner the other night which consisted of some of my favorites.  I felt the need to share.  Maybe next time I’ll try to write down a recipe.  Until then, enjoy the pictures.

    The dinner started off with an appetizer plate consisting of garlic stuffed olives, grape leaves, artichoke hearts, and a feta spread.  The plate is drizzled with a pureed combination of garlic, olive oil, and red pepper.  This is how we do fancy over here.

    One of my favorite things to make is baked potato soup.  Why?  Well, to be completely honest because it’s nearly impossible to screw it up.  You can throw almost anything into the pot, taste it, and if it needs more of something you just throw it in.  Cheese?  Great.  Broccoli?  Throw some in.  Sour cream?  As much as you like.  Chili beans?  That’s kinda weird, but sure.  It’s like an pot of imagination soup.  Oh, and I forgot the best part.  The most integral part of any baked potato soup is bacon.

    My baked potato soup starts with the most delicious smelling combination in the entire world.  Sauteed onions and garlic.  Keep this a secret, but I have plans to turn this smell into a candle and market it nationwide.  From there I pour in some chicken stock, whole milk, a little flour, and 3-4 potatoes with a dash of salt and a good amount of pepper.  I let this boil until the potatoes are soft, then I let my immersion blender go to work.  I’m not a big fan of completely pureeing potato soup because I like a few chunks of potatoes in my bowl.  After the blending, in goes some crispy bacon, green onions, and whatever kind of cheese you like.  I stick with either Romano and/or cheddar.

    This particular night I attempted to make a salad.  If you’re a regular reader you probably know that I’m not much of a salad guy.  Just never saw the point.  For some reason I decided that I was going to try and make a salad that I could enjoy.  The ingredients pretty much ruined the entire point of a green side dish, but I made a salad.  Give me some credit here.  My best idea for a salad that I could eat ended up being a buffalo chicken salad.  This consisted of baby Romain lettuce, Frank’s red hot mixed with ranch dressing, buffalo style chicken, and crumbled bleu cheese.  This turned out to be pretty tasty.  If I’m going to eat salad, this is what I’m going to require from now on.

    Since a hearty soup and salad just weren’t enough, I made a main course for some reason.  I mixed up some ricotta and Romano cheeses with chopped spinach, pancetta, and some random Italian spices, and stuffed them inside of some Manicotti shells.  I poured some Bove’s roasted garlic marinara sauce over top, and left them in the oven on 350 for about 15 minutes.  If you’re ever looking for a quick dinner, this is perfection.

    I understand this might be the most random combination of foods you have ever seen, but it was a fun dinner.  The tastes didn’t exactly go together, but who really cares?  The food was delicious, and everyone was full at the end of the night.  Until the next time I undertake a cooking endeavor such a this, I bid you good eating.  Damnit, that sounded too much like Alton Brown.