Probably won’t post tomorrow so happy Halloween from your authors, John and Todd.
Just for the record, Todd is the Monopoly Man. Not sure where his stache is. I’m a…. Kung Fu master? We were under the influence.
Author: John
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Taco Bell – Fully Loaded Nachos
After losing several pounds(and promptly bragging about it), l decided I would completely leap off of the wagon and grab some of Taco Bell’s new Fully Loaded Nachos. The Nachos Bel Grande is one of my all time favorites, so how bad could it be? My answer to you is pretty bad. I was actually pretty pissed that this turned out to be my splurge meal. I’m pretty sure Taco Bell reads this blog, so this is dedicated to you, Taco Bell employee reader of Epic Portions. Unless you work in the mail room or something. If that’s the case, keep up the good work, Kevin James.
Upon my first gaze of these “fully loaded” nachos, I realized they were not fully loaded at all. They were actually just a bunch of crap piled into a tortilla bowl that is usually used for their taco salads. I began to wonder exactly what made these fully loaded and any different from the Nachos Bel Grande. Chips? Check. Beef? Check. Beans? Check. Cheese? Check. Sour Cream? Check. I was only able to find two things that were different.
The first are the red tortilla strips, which I can’t seem to understand. I can deal with them in my burritos because they add a bit of crunch. Who came up with the concept of putting smaller tortilla strips on top of regular sized tortilla chips, on top of a giant tortilla bowl? That’s a bit too much tortilla for me. Less tortilla please. Keep in mind that I’m saying tortilla over and over to prove a point. They could have at least made the tortilla black or something. Switch it up people. I’m getting bored here.
The second difference is the guacamole, which tastes terrible. Good, fresh guacamole is one of my favorite things in the world. Shitty, processed guacamole is one of my least favorites. I know what most of you are thinking. “Hey asshole, you’re at Taco Bell. What do you expect?” What I expect is shitty quality food that has so many spices and chemicals poured into it that somehow it tastes good. They somehow make grade-D meat taste good, so how did they screw up the guacamole? Get on that Tbell. That stuff looks like it comes in a tube and seals pipes. Sick.
I ended up doing what I always do when I’m not satisfied with a Taco Bell menu item: smother it in fire and hot sauce. Have you ever noticed that no other hot sauce tastes better on Taco Bell food than their own sauce? The stuff tastes like shit on other food, but I swear they did something to make it only taste good on their food. Oh, and I had to eat the entire thing with a spork so it ended up being like a bowl of Taco Bell cereal of something. When I was done, I just threw the bowl away. Damn, was I unsatisfied.
In tribute to one of my favorite food blogs, WouldIBuyitAgain?, I would like to completely rip off their concept and end this review with the following…
No. I would not buy this again.
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Epic Portions = Taco Bell Complaint Site – Part 2
For some reasons people seem to think that Epic Portions also does customer relations for Taco Bell. While it’s odd to get complaint e-mails from dissatisfied customers, it’s also hilarious. Take a look at this latest one.
From: David Gray
October 28th, 2009 at 2:13 pmTaco Bell Corporate,
I am writing you out of deep concern. I am working on a project here locally and am very busy presently and I do apologize for taking so long to let you know of this issue. First off, I have never been so disgusted in my life as I was after this visit. I visited the Taco Bell the week previous and the employee whom handed me my food left out a Beef Gordita. I called him and he stated he would have my information down as I would not be able to return that night. I came back through the night of the purchase incident and told the girl working the drive thru of this. She said let me speak to my manager. A woman by the name of Keisha came to the window and said “You really think I am going to fall for this and give you free food”. I asked her what she was talking about. She proceeded to tell me “You aint talked to nobody, another asshole looking for a free meal”. I was appalled. NEVER in my life have I heard anything like this. The girl handed me the food and I asked if the Gordita that was missing was in the bag, which it was not, Keisha came to the window herself and threw it at me. I drove off and came home. I looked over the food which was stomach turning, and called the manager. Keisha picked up and I told her the food was falling apart. I currently have proof and pictures which I took of this. She laughed and said “fuck you” and hung up the phone. I called back and Johnette picked up the phone. She apologized three times and said she would make it right. She was a god send in this situation. She did the right thing in my opinion; I have never heard anyone speak to someone like this, especially a member of management. She said she would personally remake all the food that was falling apart and had spit and what looked to be human hair in it. I gave Johnette the food and asked her to inspect it. She agreed she would take it in the back room and look over it. Keisha never gave me the common decency of apologizing about this. I remain deeply upset and dissatisfied that someone treated me like this for absolutely no reason at all. NEVER is it acceptable to treat a customer like this and if it wasn’t for Johnette, this would have been a complete disaster. I ask your help in pulling surveillance and investigating this. I am turning over the pictures to the appropriate sources to be investigated as well. I ask for your help in seeing that this never happens again.
A concerned customer,David