Epic Portions

Author: Todd

  • Keep that fridge stocked for the ladies, fellas!

    I haven’t giggled this hard in a while.  I don’t know how I haven’t seen this, but I guess this is super old (like 2008!).  Mr. Chi City’s fantastic guide to making women comfortable when they come back to your place.  “Even when they bring they kids!”

    Watch until the end for this gem:

    …oh yeah, one more thing.  To the makers of kool aid, would you niggas stop putting the juice all the way to the top?!  Cause when I twist the motherfucking cap, the shit explodes like a goddamn grenade.   Then I got blue juice all over my white carpet.  Look, I appreciate you trying to give me as much juice for the value, but look – put the juice down here and I won’t miss it.  I mean these motherfuckers are like 5 for a dollar.  Thank you.

    Tears.  Truth. (NSFW/language)

  • FULL English Breakfast. Let the bodies hit the floor…

    …haven’t heard that song in forever, have you?  Neither had I.  However, while rapidly consuming my first FULL ENGLISH BREAKFAST this last weekend in the quaint English Countryside, Drowning Pool’s turn-of-the-millennium one hit wonder crept into the outskirts of my mindbrain.  Why you ask?

    Beaten why for (why for)
    Can’t take much more
    Here we go!

    Not enough meat.
    In retrospect: not enough carbs.  Needs less black pudding and more mushrooms and tomatoes.  Never thought I’d say that.

    …
    Let the bodies hit the flooooor;
    Now!;
    Push me again;
    This is the end;

    Three hours later.   Sun shining.  Children playing.  Birds Tweeting.

    …Stomach rumbling.

    One – Something’s got to give;
    Two – Something’s got to give;
    Three – Something’s got to give;
    Now;
    Let the bodies hit the floor!

    Ugh.  Gastrointestinal signals have told me to lay off black pudding for the next year or 6.  I mean, heavens, think of the children!

  • Yeah…this was effective…

    So, my friend Patrick’s posted a video on his new website that is definitely effective in making me hungry as hell. WHY must he do this in the middle of the day? WHY?!