Epic Portions

Category: Beer/Drinks

  • Jolly Pumpkin Oro de Calabaza

    Oh…hi there. Sorry if I startled you. I know it’s been a long time. Quite frankly I’m surprised how often many of you still visit. All of us are flattered. Truly. I’m personally proud of about 68% of what I wrote for this site. That makes me more popular on Rotten Tomatoes than season two of True Detective.jollypumpkinoro

    Anyway, I stopped by to speak to you of a beer, a beer so glorious that its name must be shouted from the rooftops of the now abandoned Epic Portions building. That beer is Oro de Calabaza from Jolly Pumpkin. Oro de Calabaza has been around for a while, but it struck me that I still have a forum to spread a measure of joy in this world. Why not do something for the good of society for once?

    Since I long ago gave up trying to describe the nuances of beer, I’ll let the good people at Jolly Pumpkin do the talking:

    Brewed in the Franco-Belgian tradition of strong golden ales. Spicy and peppery with a gentle hop bouquet and beguiling influence of wild yeast.

    Now, normally I would not let use of the word “beguiling” go unchallenged. But upon reflection, I can think of no other word that better describes the influence of the wild yeast. (I think the wild yeast adds deliciousness.) If it is for sale in your area, consider yourself fortunate. That is all. Good night and good luck.

    P.S. — Oro de Calabaza translates as “Golden Pumpkin.” Due to the awesomeness of this beer, I hereby claim that the act of pouring this beer on your partner during the act of intercourse be called a Golden Pumpkin.

  • Epic Product Reviews: Samuel Adams Coastal Wheat

    Samuel Adams and I have been friends for a long time.  We’ve hung out at weddings.  We’ve watched the big game together at a sports bar.  Sam has been there for me when an otherwise boring party or get together seemed hopeless.  While Sierra Nevada is preferable, it seems that quite often Sam is the only quality choice.  My true love is my Michigan craft beers, but Sam has been a valued friend—like a steaming mug of hot-chocolate served with melty mac and cheese, with a side of mashed potatoes and apple pie a la mode for dessert, Samuel Adams is comfort beer.

    Having said all that, Samuel Adams Coastal Wheat sucks.  They tried and failed.  Miserably.  I bought a six pack over a week ago and still have four of them in my fridge.  Coastal Wheat touts itself as a hefeweizen style beer, with a subtle lemon finish.  I won’t take them to task on the lemon finish, it is present but it seems to conflict with the objectionable, yeasty, initial flavor.  Quite often in a hefewezen you can taste banana or clove, but the overall bready, yeasty mouthfeel dominated, making for quite an unpleasant drinking experience.  No other flavor stood out, other than the lemon at the end.  Overall a big thumbs down for Sam Adams Coastal Wheat.

    There is no joy in trashing a beer from an otherwise fine organization.  Samuel Adams has well over a dozen beers on the market; no one person will love them all.  I’m content to check Coastal Wheat off my list and move on to the next beer.  Sam and I will make it through this rough patch, our friendship can withstand one lousy beer.  Besides, I have a wedding to go to next month and I have a good feeling Sam will be in attendance.  It wouldn’t be the same without him.

    One place Sam won’t be is the Michigan Summer Beer Festival.  Be on the lookout for the Epic Portions yearly wrap up and best of list sometime next week.  Until then, stay thirsty, my friends.

  • Woodchuck + Guinness = Wonderful