Epic Portions

Category: Beer/Drinks

  • Tea Wars Part II

    Not too long ago, I tasted and tested numerous Arnold Palmers with the hope of finding the best.  After an exhaustive search, I regrettably came to the conclusion that Tazo was the winner with their Black Tea and Lemonade.  After further review, however, I just can’t get over the fact that Tazo wants me to buy a 13 oz. beverage when standard size for these bad boys is 16-20 oz.  So I pretty much stopped buying it, and in the interest of integrity I feel the need to write about three different iced tea beverages that have won my heart, and that offer a size more agreeable to a writer for a blog called “Epic Portions.”  Take your shot glass size and sell it at Starbucks, Tazo, I’m ending our short but tumultuous relationship.  I have moved on, and like Hef, I have three to love now.

    Sweet Leaf Organic Sweet Tea

    Sweet Leaf Original Sweet Tea

    One day, I was at my local Kroger at the “Nature’s Market” section, and was looking for Sweet Leaf’s Half and Half.  Sadly, they were out, so I chanced on their Sweet Tea.  Not normally a sweet tea drinker, I not only found that I liked their Sweet Tea, but it is better than their half and half.  This is my new go-to iced tea, and it is fantastic.  Operating out of Austin, TX, Sweet Leaf Organic’s Sweet Tea is their original concoction.  It gives you all the flavor of the tea with just the right amount of sweetness, not masking the tea flavor but enhancing it.  Many of you responded to my first post on this topic with disapproval of high fructose corn syrup, or “100% Natural” Peace Tea’s use of sucralose.  What I can say to you, gentle reader, is try this beverage!  You will not be disappointed.  Even the cute hippie girl cashier at Whole Foods commented on how great it was when I bought it the other day.

    Honest Tea Half and Half

    The good people at Honest Tea were kind enough to point out to me that they have an Arnold Palmer set to come onto the scene after reading my previous tea-related post.  In the interest of fairness, they sent me a bottle of their new Half and Half for yours truly to sample.  I can report to all who are interested that their Half and Half is close to perfection.  If you are unfamiliar with Honest Tea’s products,  let me say that if you have issue with syrupy sweet beverages, you will find Honest Tea’s Half and Half right up your alley.  Honest Tea tastes like tea, with a hint of flavor in the background.  They applied the same formula to their Half and Half, and it works quite well, with the sweetness from the lemonade half working with the tea flavor, and not overpowering it.  I am looking forward to the arrival of Honest Tea’s Half and Half on the shelves at my local food chopper.  They even have a cool new bottle.  Until that day arrives, if I have a craving for Honest Tea I will have to be satisfied with…

    Honest Tea Peach White Tea

    HonestTea Peach White, heaven in a bottle.

    I was looking for the new Half and Half in the cool bottle when I saw Honest Tea’s Peach White Tea on the shelf.  When done right, the addition of peach to a beverage is exquisite.  And Honest Tea has done it right, this drink is a little slice of heaven.  True to form for Honest Tea, the tea flavor stands out, but the peach is subtle yet vibrant.  Drink this and compare it to Peace Iced Tea and tell me which one is 100% Natural.  No competition.

    Heading into summer, it is nice to have new drinks for the journey.  All three of these are the best of the best.  Do yourself a favor, ditch Arizona or Peace or Lipton and give one (or all) of these a shot.  You can always go back, but I bet you won’t.

  • Beer Madness, Final Four and Championship!

    We have arrived at the end.  After three weeks of intense competition, lobbying by beer lovers from across the globe (I don’t care if you are mad at me China, Tsingtao still sucks), and what my doctor described as “a liver Mickey Mantle would be proud of”…WE HAVE A CHAMPION!  First, the final four results.

     

    Final Four:

    (5) Hoegaarden over (3) Budweiser American Ale

    I know I said upsets were possible, but did anyone really think Bud American Ale could defeat Hoegaarden?  Having said that, American Ale is a pretty solid brew.  AB/InBev needs begin to promote this beer as their “flagship.”  They can be proud of it, and it would help to elevate their status in the beer world.  Until then, most people will associate Budweiser products with swill.  Considering the quality of American Ale that is a shame.  If you haven’t tried it, we are only talking about anywhere from $7-$8 for a six pack.  Give it a shot…

    (3) Anchor Steam over (4) Negra Modelo

    My new found love of Modelo Dark plus lime cannot defeat the smooth, hoppy flavor of Anchor Steam.  While it may have been unexpected to see Anchor Steam survive the American Microbrew (aka the group of death) bracket, it isn’t implausible.  Anchor is a fine beer and a credit to its San Francisco brewers.

    Setting up the glorious championship, which was fought last night while watching Butler defeat Michigan State.

    Championship:

     

    (5) Hoegaarden over (3) Anchor Steam

    Our regular readers knew of my love for Hoegaarden from previous posts, but I honestly thought it would run into trouble late in the European bracket, especially considering the strength of competition.  The true Belgian White, Hoegaarden combines the classic combination of orange peel and coriander to create a magical concoction.  They even recommend a special hexagon glass to drink it out of, which I keep under lock and key in a refrigerated hexagonal beer glass cabinet. 

    Behold…the hexagonal glass!

    Anchor Steam was a worthy runner-up, a true American Microbrew that is a pleasure to drink year round, but the flavor of Hoegaarden was too much for Anchor to overcome.

    Final Notes:

    Obviously, this was a highly subjective competition.  How do you compare a Belgian White to a Pale Ale?  Brown Ale vs. Pilsner?  The honest answer it that you just have to trust whatever tastes best at that moment.  I could run this bracket again in six months and have different results.  The main objective was to enjoy the beer and perhaps learn a few things in the process.  In that sense, mission accomplished.

    A special thank you goes out to John for helping decide a decisive Mexican battle, J & K from Ypsi for an enjoyable night of drinking and their honest feedback (Bell’s Amber vs. Anchor was tough but fun), and my wife for helping on championship night.

    My guess is that next spring I will pursue a different challenge.  Breakfast cereals, salty snacks, who knows.  I need to recover from this one before I start to worry about next year.  I sincerely hoped that EP readers enjoyed this year’s beer tourney.  Happy drinking and, please Butler…BEAT DUKE!

  • Beer Madness, Final Four

    At long last, we have reached the final four.  This is becoming a grueling test of endurance for yours truly.  I’m like Adam Richman from Man v. Food, he hits the food wall, I’ve hit the beer wall.  Someday I’ll look back at this and be amused, but right now I feel like I’m trapped in a giant swimming pool of beer and must drink my way out.  At least we are near the end and down to the champions of each bracket.  I’m sure by the time the real Final Four hits I’ll be ready to get back in action.  As long as Duke loses, I’ll be a happy guy.

    American Macrobrew:

    (3) Budweiser American Ale over (1) Blue Moon

    I wish I could travel back in time and see how the powers that be at Anheuser Busch decided to brew American Ale.  I like to think one of the brewers (if you can call the people who make Busch Light “brewers”) hit their head at work one day and had a vision from the Pawtucket Patriot telling them that they were pathetic because they had all this great brewing equipment and have Bud Light to show for it.  They then set about creating a real beer, an amber ale that they could be proud of and tell their grandkids about.

    Blue Moon is what I would best describe as a “gateway beer.”  If it can get you away from macro-junk and into the world of craft beer, then mission accomplished.  I will drink it when I go out and the only choices on tap are Miller Lite, Budweiser, Labatt, and Blue Moon.  It is decent; nothing special but a nice alternative when faced with only bleak choices.

    In conclusion, the faux Belgian White, when analyzed is a pretty mediocre knockoff.  Points go to Anheuser Busch/InBev for creating something worthwhile and trying to bolster the product line with a legitimate attempt at a craft beer.

    European:

     

    (5) Hoegaarden over (2) Pilsner Urquell

    I would like to begin by saying on a summer day, when I’m finished mowing the lawn, Pilsner Urquell is almost as good as it gets.  It is refreshing and smooth.  But in the end it is a pilsner and can’t compete with the complex flavor profile of Hoegaarden.  I know my Prague peeps won’t be happy, but Belgium carries the day.

    American Microbrew:

     

    (3) Anchor Steam over (9) Red Hook Long Hammer IPA

    First I would like to correct an inaccuracy in my last post.  Long Hammer is brewed in Portsmouth, NH and not in Seattle.  Epic Portions’ corporate lawyers didn’t want me to outright apologize due to legal implications, but I say lawyers be damned.  (Except John’s Dad and my Father-in-law, Sister-in-law, and best man at my wedding.  They are all a credit to the profession.  All other lawyers can take a rocket ship to hell.  Except those who read EP.  Ya’ll are cool.)  In that spirit, I apologize for and regret my error.

    So, Anchor vs. Long Hammer wasn’t a West Coast battle, or some weird medieval blood sport.  No NWA vs. Tupac, more like NWA vs. Portsmouth native (and Travel Channel’s own) Samantha Brown, the most famous living Portsmouthian I could find.  And so goes the defeat for Long Hammer.

    Anchor Steam is a credible winner in this group.  It has a wonderful hoppy flavor with a smooth finish that has the tinge of bitterness that you want without losing any of its drinkability.  Anchor will be tough to beat in the next round.

    International Macrobrew:

    (4) Negra Modelo over (6) Dos Equis

    First off, many thanks to John for joining me at Los Amigos for a delicious meal and a battle of beers.  Since it was Mexico vs. Mexico, limes were allowed, something I normally wouldn’t consent to but I felt the playing field would be even here.  Besides, I drank plenty of both sans lime and was ready for a new twist in the battle.

    Let me say right away that the lime made Modelo Dark come alive.  A nice dark lager with a layer of complexity became more than the sum of its parts.  Sadly, limes will not be allowed in the next round, and that may hurt Negra Modelo, but let it be said right here that this beer is elevated by the lime and will be enjoyed that way by me in the future.

    Final Four:

    (3) Budweiser American Ale vs. (5) Hoegaarden

    (3) Anchor Steam vs. (4) Negra Modelo

    Analysis:

    Before everyone declares a winner in the first battle, remember that Northern Iowa beat Kansas and that Butler is in the Final Four.  I know our European readers prefer football, so I’ll bring up the 1950 World Cup USA over England win or 2002’s Senegal over France.  The point is that upsets happen.

    As for Anchor and Negra Modelo, you have to wonder if another upset is possible.  But one thing I have to say is that when you blind test these beers strange things happen.  Many of the battles that took place to get us here had surprising results.  Tune in this weekend to see who makes the championship match.