I’ll be honest, I follow Guy Fieri on Twiter. It’s not because I’m interested in all things Guy Fieri. It’s so I can reply to every Tweet I see from him with “shut up.” Call it chidlish, but I challenge you to follow the guy and not think the exact same thing in your head. I’m just doing my part.
In Guy’s most recent Tweet, he felt the need to let Ryan Seacrest know that he was looking forward to doin his show tomorrow, and how kewl it will be. Seriously, when was the last time anyone said “kewl”? Why does he say Hey RS, then include @RyanSeacrest right after it? Any Why is Guy Fieri sending his Tweets VIA text????? Does Guy Fieri not own a cell phone that supports a Twitter app? I’m so confused.
At long last, we have reached the final four. This is becoming a grueling test of endurance for yours truly. I’m like Adam Richman from Man v. Food, he hits the food wall, I’ve hit the beer wall. Someday I’ll look back at this and be amused, but right now I feel like I’m trapped in a giant swimming pool of beer and must drink my way out. At least we are near the end and down to the champions of each bracket. I’m sure by the time the real Final Four hits I’ll be ready to get back in action. As long as Duke loses, I’ll be a happy guy.
American Macrobrew:
(3) Budweiser American Ale over (1) Blue Moon
I wish I could travel back in time and see how the powers that be at Anheuser Busch decided to brew American Ale. I like to think one of the brewers (if you can call the people who make Busch Light “brewers”) hit their head at work one day and had a vision from the Pawtucket Patriot telling them that they were pathetic because they had all this great brewing equipment and have Bud Light to show for it. They then set about creating a real beer, an amber ale that they could be proud of and tell their grandkids about.
Blue Moon is what I would best describe as a “gateway beer.” If it can get you away from macro-junk and into the world of craft beer, then mission accomplished. I will drink it when I go out and the only choices on tap are Miller Lite, Budweiser, Labatt, and Blue Moon. It is decent; nothing special but a nice alternative when faced with only bleak choices.
In conclusion, the faux Belgian White, when analyzed is a pretty mediocre knockoff. Points go to Anheuser Busch/InBev for creating something worthwhile and trying to bolster the product line with a legitimate attempt at a craft beer.
European:
(5) Hoegaarden over (2) Pilsner Urquell
I would like to begin by saying on a summer day, when I’m finished mowing the lawn, Pilsner Urquell is almost as good as it gets. It is refreshing and smooth. But in the end it is a pilsner and can’t compete with the complex flavor profile of Hoegaarden. I know my Prague peeps won’t be happy, but Belgium carries the day.
American Microbrew:
(3) Anchor Steam over (9) Red Hook Long Hammer IPA
First I would like to correct an inaccuracy in my last post. Long Hammer is brewed in Portsmouth, NH and not in Seattle. Epic Portions’ corporate lawyers didn’t want me to outright apologize due to legal implications, but I say lawyers be damned. (Except John’s Dad and my Father-in-law, Sister-in-law, and best man at my wedding. They are all a credit to the profession. All other lawyers can take a rocket ship to hell. Except those who read EP. Ya’ll are cool.) In that spirit, I apologize for and regret my error.
So, Anchor vs. Long Hammer wasn’t a West Coast battle, or some weird medieval blood sport. No NWA vs. Tupac, more like NWA vs. Portsmouth native (and Travel Channel’s own) Samantha Brown, the most famous living Portsmouthian I could find. And so goes the defeat for Long Hammer.
Anchor Steam is a credible winner in this group. It has a wonderful hoppy flavor with a smooth finish that has the tinge of bitterness that you want without losing any of its drinkability. Anchor will be tough to beat in the next round.
International Macrobrew:
(4) Negra Modelo over (6) Dos Equis
First off, many thanks to John for joining me at Los Amigos for a delicious meal and a battle of beers. Since it was Mexico vs. Mexico, limes were allowed, something I normally wouldn’t consent to but I felt the playing field would be even here. Besides, I drank plenty of both sans lime and was ready for a new twist in the battle.
Let me say right away that the lime made Modelo Dark come alive. A nice dark lager with a layer of complexity became more than the sum of its parts. Sadly, limes will not be allowed in the next round, and that may hurt Negra Modelo, but let it be said right here that this beer is elevated by the lime and will be enjoyed that way by me in the future.
Final Four:
(3) Budweiser American Ale vs. (5) Hoegaarden
(3) Anchor Steam vs. (4) Negra Modelo
Analysis:
Before everyone declares a winner in the first battle, remember that Northern Iowa beat Kansas and that Butler is in the Final Four. I know our European readers prefer football, so I’ll bring up the 1950 World Cup USA over England win or 2002’s Senegal over France. The point is that upsets happen.
As for Anchor and Negra Modelo, you have to wonder if another upset is possible. But one thing I have to say is that when you blind test these beers strange things happen. Many of the battles that took place to get us here had surprising results. Tune in this weekend to see who makes the championship match.
We started out with 64, and now there are only eight beers left. The empties of the first 56 are strewn about like leftovers from a house party, except at this house party the guests brought Natty Light and Boddingtons. For those of you who have expressed concern about the condition of my liver, I’m happy to report that my health plan with Epic Portions allows one trip to the Mayo Clinic every year. I’ll be there as soon as this is over for a little R and R, and to take some time off beer. Only whiskey for one week straight. Woo-hoo!
American Macrobrew:
(1) Blue Moon over (4) Coors Banquet
Who ever thought Coors would make it this far? Wins over High Life, Bud Light and Coors so far for Blue Moon. What happens when it has to take on a real beer?
(3) Budweiser American Ale over (10) Rolling Rock
And so the run ends for Rolling Rock; just like Coors it did well to make it this far. Bud’s American Ale has the distinct advantage of actually tasting like beer.
So, for the championship of the American Macrobrew category, we have:
(1) Blue Moon vs. (3) Budweiser American Ale
Analysis:
It has taken awhile but we have whittled this group down to two pretty decent beers. Blue Moon’s faux Belgian style versus Budweiser’s attempt at creating a real beer. Try this one at home, dear readers, you might be pleasantly surprised.
European:
Vítězství Pilsner Urquell!!
(5) Hoegaarden over (1) Newcastle Brown Ale
Newcastle is a great beer, no question. But to survive this group, you’ve got to bring something special, and Hoegaarden has that in spades. The hint of coriander puts it over the top.
(2) Pilsner Urquell over (6) Bass Ale
The original pilsner over a pale ale? I usually love pale ales, but the smooth finish of Pilsner Urquell makes it a truly special beer.
Setting up an amazing championship battle for the European bracket:
(2) Pilsner Urquell vs. (5) Hoegaarden
Analysis:
What can I say? This one is wide open, but there is no loser here, to be certain. Czech Republic vs. Belgium for the European championship. Forget UEFA, I can honestly say without hyperbole that this is the greatest matchup in European history.
American Microbrew:
(9) Red Hook Long Hammer IPA over (5) Sam Adams Winter Lager
The hoppy punch of Red Hook outduels the flavorful Winter Lager. Sam is gone from the competition, but not after a solid showing.
(3) Anchor Steam over (7) Bell’s Amber
After ousting some really amazing beers, Bell’s Amber bows out to Anchor in a razor close battle that went into overtime.
The great American Microbrew category closes with mad hops:
(3) Anchor Steam vs. (9) Red Hook Long Hammer IPA
Analysis:
West coast, baby, this is NWA versus Tupac. The smooth flavor of Anchor Steam battles the citrus hops of Red Hook’s IPA.
International Macrobrew:
(4) Negra Modelo over (1) Red Stripe
Red Stripe is a nice light lager but loses out to a more flavorful beer. Overall popularity be damned, Modelo Dark is just a better beer.
(6) Dos Equis over (7) Moosehead Lager
Moosehead falls short against Dos Equis, not even watching a hockey game while drinking it could save the Canadian Lager.
International Macrobrew comes down to an all Mexico battle:
(4) Negra Modelo vs. (6) Dos Equis
Wow…this will be fun and must be fought over a glorious, authentic Mexican meal. Sounds like a trip to La Fuente or Los Amigos is in order for this battle.
We are now on the cusp of the final four, the winners of each category will be anxious to take each other on. Results will be ready early next week.
