Category: Randoms

Meatini/Serial Killer

I’m a fan of when people decide to take it upon themselves to build random objects and/or structures out of bacon. It’s just great fun for the whole family. Today, I’m browsing the internet, and I come across the Meatini, which is a martini glass made out of bacon with scrambled eggs inside. The first word that comes to my mind is, “Genius”. Take a look, and I dare you to think otherwise:

I took it upon myself to find out what genius decided to create this. Surely it was a student at Yale or perhaps Harvard, or a past Nobel Prize winner. What I found horrified me. This beautiful creation was made by a serial killer with a dangerously inappropriate shirt on. Don’t believe me? I have proof.

Looking batshit nuts crazy el loco insane in the membrane:

And if that wasn’t enough, the guy kidnapped someone’s child and is force feeding it meat with some strange woman:

I pray for this child’s safety and hope the proper authorities recover her soon so that she may be re-united with her family. If you have an information on her wherabouts, please contact your local authorities.

August 28, 2009
Hardees’ Fried Balogna Biscuit Sandwich
Free Sandwiches.

Ok great, now that I have your attention…

A rep from Hardees contacted me the other day to let me know about their new Oscar Mayer Fried Bologna Biscuit Sandwich. This was disappointing because there’s not a Hardees within 100 miles of me. It’s also disappointing because there’s just nothing like fried bologna. Every time I visit my Uncle in D.C., the obvious breakfast choice is fried bologna sandwiches.

Hardees’ Fried Bologna Biscuit sandwich is sort of a throwback breakfast comfort food. You just don’t see many people eating fried bologna anymore. It should be interesting to see how this sandwich does. I offer my full support. The Oscar Mayer Fried Bologna Biscuit will be sold at participating Hardees restaurants for $1.89 and is also available in a small combo for $3.59 including Hash Rounds or Country Potatoes and a beverage.

Sooooo, instead of declining the offer for some free sandwiches, I decided to just give them away to you guys. The first five people that comment on this post will receive a complimentary sandwich in the mail. That’s right, not frozen or anything. Just sitting in an envelope, probably not even in a sealed bag. I’m sure the heat of the mail truck will keep it at the appropriate temperature for consumption.

That’s a joke, of course. The first five readers to comment on this post will recieve a coupon for a free Oscar Mayer Fried Bologn Biscuit sandwich. It’s my way of saying thanks, and bribing you to continue visiting Epic Portions. Enjoy!

Update:

I need the following people to e-mail their physical addresses to john@epicportions.com, or just use the “Contact Us” tab located on the top of this page, so I can have Hardees send out their gift cards.
- Ryan from Grubgrade
- Cress
- Mykelogan
- Justin
- Nancy Gaertner
August 26, 2009
iBratwurst

I see the point in Bell Barbeque creating this iPhone/iTouch app where you can watch a bratwurst cook on your screen. It’s great promotion and here I am talking about it for millions(HA!) to read. But what I can’t understand is why anyone would download it. Why would I want to torture myself into watching one cook and not being able to eat it? I would probably end up running it after having way too many adult beverages and eat my phone. I don’t think that’s covered under warranty. Would anyone actually download this?

If that wasn’t enough, you can cook bacon as well. This one isn’t as sophisticated but it’s bacon, damnit! Only problem is while you can cook a fake brat for free, it’s going to cost you $.99 to cook fake bacon. What’s wrong with people?

August 21, 2009