Epic Portions

Tag: anthony bourdain

  • Paula Deen is the Most Dangerous Person in America!!!

    Last August, I wrote this eloquent defense of Anthony Bourdain for his claim that Paula Deen is the most dangerous person in America.  I snickered over it, but in the end I said his comment was a little over the top.  I. Was.  Wrong.

    When I got the news that Paula Deen has Type II diabetes, I wasn’t shocked, but also I felt no need to write about it.  It is a personal tragedy for her and I felt no need to be dickish about it.  Yes, the obvious jokes were there, but sometimes you let a softball or two go by.

    Then I read this:  Deen is teaming up with Novo Nordisk (aka Big Pharma) to help sell their diabetes drugs.  The rant had come forward after that.  The anger was bubbling up inside me like two sticks of butter in a hot sauté pan.  Fuck you, Paula Deen.  Your butter and grease soaked recipes give you diabetes and the best you come up with is shilling for Novo Nordisk’s once a day anti-diabetes crack?

    Shockingly, she doesn’t blame her condition on her diet.  She faults genetics, lifestyle, stress, and age.  She says her “yummy, fattening recipes” are “part of the puzzle.”  If by that she means a puzzle with one piece, then yes, it is indeed part of the puzzle.

    My favorite comment of hers is when she claims that she tells people to eat in “moderation” and that she has “always eaten in moderation.”  Are we supposed to be able to keep a straight face while she says this?  Do you remember the show where she says, “Remember to eat my pecan chewies in moderation, y’all!”

    So, aside from being full of a lifetime of butter and grease, Paula Deen is also completely full of shit.  Sorry if I’m late to the party on this one…

    Let me spell it out for her:

    Dear Ms. Deen,

    When your “yummy, fattening” recipes give you diabetes you can respond one of two appropriate ways.  1)  Make a public statement, claim that it is a private, personal matter and go about your business.  2)  Realize that you could also be hurting other people, and run to Jamie Oliver screaming for redemption.  Or you can go with option 3) Profit off your illness by being the spokesmoron for diabetes drugs.  Guess which choice gets you a vitriolic rant from Epic Portions?

    For her refusal to acknowledge that her recipes are pure, butter-laden evil, and for profiting off her illness while others will get sick, I hereby declare Paula Deen The Most Dangerous Person in America. 

    (Unless you are a dog, in which case that dubious distinction goes to Mitt Romney).

  • Bourdain vs. Deen

    In case you missed it, our hero Anthony Bourdain has been vilified in the media for daring to call out Paula Deen for being a mediocre cook who is infatuated with using too much butter in every recipe (more on that later).  Well, EP will not stand by and allow the forces of evil, represented by Paula Deen, strike at Bourdain without a rousing defense.

    For starters, Bourdain’s comments came after he was asked in an interview who the worst cooks on Food Network are.  So it’s not like he was running around looking to pick a fight with Paula Deen.  After the question, he proceeded to lambaste Deen, Rachael Ray, Sandra Lee, and our favorite whipping boy, Guy Fieri.  He called Deen, “the worst, most dangerous person to America.  She revels in unholy connections with evil corporations, and she’s proud of the fact that her food is fucking bad for you.  I would think twice before telling an already obese nation that it is OK to eat food that is killing us.  Plus, her food sucks.”  As for Fieri, Bourdain said, “I look at Guy and I just think, Jesus, I’m glad that’s not me.”  Well said, maestro.

    Is Paula Deen as bad as Tony says?  While he probably was a little over the top, I can’t find too much fault with what he says.  I don’t dislike Deen, but I have to admit I haven’t watched her in years.  She does shill for any corporation that offers her a check, and her food is unhealthy to extreme levels.  I also ate at her Savannah restaurant, Lady and Sons or whatever it is called, and found it pretty disappointing.  I won’t say it sucks, but much like a white musician trying to play the blues, a woman like Deen can only do so much with soul food.

    A couple years ago I was charged with the task of cooking a Mother’s Day Brunch for my wife, her grandmother, my mother-in-law and sister-in-law.  Aside from killer sausage and mushroom egg casseroles, I made some cheesy hash browns and used a Deen recipe.  Even after cutting out one-half of the butter called for in the recipe, the dish came out way too buttery.  There were pools of grease throughout the dish.  I was quite pissed off at myself for getting lazy and using Deen’s recipe.  Of course, since I was cooking for a bunch of white people the dish was well received.  Deen must have some kind of magic power over any white woman over 30.  Perhaps she is the most dangerous person in America…

    As for Bourdain, I know he rubs some people the wrong way.  It is certainly their right to hold that opinion, but I still love the guy for speaking his mind, calling an asshole an asshole, and generally having zero tolerance for bullshit.  I say, keep the hits coming, Tony, and to hell with your detractors.  You will always have the support of your friends at Epic Portions.

  • Yes Reservations

    Tonight, the best food related hour of television one can find, Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations, travels to Cuba.  Leave it to Bourdain to tread where the chickenshit national media refuses to wander.  Our nation’s culinary conscience, represented by Bourdain, now overlaps to the political—and since I have a deep love of Cuban food I couldn’t be happier.

    I know why the United States still keeps Cuba in the stranglehold of a trade embargo.  Florida politics.  A few thousand Cuban ex-pats in Miami keep our citizens from freely traveling to a country a mere hundred miles or so from our border.  Why?  Because Fidel Castro gave the United States the finger over fifty years ago.  Because JFK and the CIA fucked up the Bay of Pigs invasion, which was a terrible idea to begin with.  Add a bunch of spineless, ass-kissing politicians (from both parties) to this recipe and you have an empanada of apathy, one stuffed with a gooey filling of the status quo.

    There can be no other explanations.  We trade with China, a communist country, and it is damn important that we do or our economy would be further in the toilet if we didn’t.  We trade with Vietnam, another communist country, only this time Vietnam has the distinction of being the site of a bloody war where 50,000+ Americans died.  Yet Cuba, a small island nation close to our home, continues to remain suffocated by American ego, as represented by our lackluster, corrupt politicians.

    I’m hoping Bourdain uses his hour wisely.  I hope he will not shy away from our insanely stupid Cuba policy, while mostly highlighting what we are missing.  Cuban culture.  Cuban food.  Cuban music.  Bourdain usually is not afraid to make a political point or two, but possesses the good sense not to be preachy.  That ability is part of why No Reservations remains one of my favorite shows of any type to grace the airwaves.  Bourdain also remains the ultimate in culinary cool.  No bullshit.  No catch phrases.

    As for me, I’ll take a reservation for two (thanks to my lovely wife) to watch the Travel Channel this evening.  ¡Viva la food revolución!