Tag: food network

Food Network = MommyTV

After getting off of work last night I made the mistake of watching the final few episodes of The Next Food Network Star, including the finale. I have to admit that I watched the entire fourth season and have always wondered why they haven’t canceled this show. Guy Fieri turned out to be a marketable personality, but has the show produced anything else worth while? Season one produced Party Line with the Hardy Boys, which was promptly canceled. Season three produced The Gourmet Next Door, which lasted 6 episodes because Amy Finley thought cooking in front of a camera was way too stressful. Season 4 produced Big Daddy, which was ripped in detail only a few days ago. So this leads us to season 5, where the Food Network decided to punch the idea of trying something new directly in it’s big dumb face.

The decision came down to Jeffrey Saad, a graduate of California Culinary Academy with more than 25 years experience as a restaurateur, food consultant and chef, or Melissa D’Arabian, a stay at home Mom with no formal culinary training or professional experience. I can totally see why this was a difficult decision that required the assistance of some of the greatest chefs in the world. Did I mention that Jeffrey was described by one of the contestants as a Greek god, holds a second degree black belt in martial arts, loves freedom, and volunteers at a homeless shelter on Tuesdays and Thursdays(can’t confirm this). Oh, and Melissa drives a mini van, has 4 kids, a great smile, and was the best at covering up her lack of culinary knowledge. Once again, I can see why this was such a difficult decision. Maybe Guy Fieri chose the winner..

I guess I just don’t see the draw of another amateur cook who appeals to stay at home Moms. I could actually relate to Jeffrey’s passion for food. His ideas and ingredients were something I would give a chance. I like to tune in to the Food Network to have a chef teach me something that I did not know before. I considered my frequent viewings in the past to be learning experiences. I loved watching Mario Batali because it’s obvious that the man knows more about food than I could ever dream of. I enjoyed Emeril because he could teach you about cooking while making you laugh your ass off. It was all about credibility. Mario has now been banished to the Fine Living Network, while it seems that all the Emeril you see now are re-runs. Replacing them now are personalities like Sunny Anderson, whos previous experience includes a stint as Food & Lifestyle Editor for Hip Hop Weekly magazine.

I will always enjoy the Food Network because they always will talk about my favorite subject, but this is getting a little ridiculous. Thankfully, I can still watch Alton Brown who by some miracle has been able to make it through this transition to Mommy Cooks TV. If you are interested, Melissa’s show will premier next Sunday and focus on feeding families of four for under 10 dollars. I can’t wait.

August 3, 2009
Aaron McCargo Jr. aka BIG DADDY

I have to admit, during fourth season of The Next Food Network Star, Aaron McCargo Jr. was my favorite personality. It might have had to more to do with my hatred of Lisa Garza, but he was the only contestant who I found to be somewhat likable. I’m not sure if it was a “hey, I’m so bad I’m entertaining” kind of likability, but for some reason I was pulling for the guy to win. Even when he introduced “Cookin With Big Daddy”, I thought it was a show that I could see myself watching from time to time. Ever since then, I find myself wondering how this guy still has a weekly cooking show on the Food Network. During the first season, it seemed as though Aaron, or should I say Big Daddy, was going to piss his pants every time the camera came on. He talked too fast, he seemed nervous and inexperienced, and his English was terrible. He frequently made remarks such as “Nows I’ma throw this here bacon inna bowl and it’s gon’ cook fast sizzle.” He annoyingly talked about himself in the 3rd person (”Big Daddy marinades his meat for 2 days,” or “Big Daddy uses only the freshest cheeses”). Oh, and by the way, his food looked… not so good. Even though it was obvious that the food cooked on certain shows was less than up to par, McCargo would take a taste and over exaggerate his opinion of the dish. Usually something like, “DAMN, Big Daddy has cooked up da bomb and it just exploded in my mouth!”

Yo, this slop is Big Daddy's secret slop that will make you want to slap your Momma

Aaron McCargo has slowly faded into the background because he is a damn goof. I feel bad saying it, but the guy’s cooking show needs to be taken off of the network. Get him on a travel show or something. That always seems to do the trick. Stick him in an atmosphere where he can simply be himself. Give him a show where he has the least amount of scripted lines as possible and can just eat food and say how good it is. The man worked in a hospital kitchen. He’s not a source of culinary greatness. Did anyone watch Guy’s Big Bite before Diners Drive-Ins and Dives caught fire? No, he was simply that stupid looking blond guy who won the second season of The Next Food Network Star. I don’t believe the problem is with good ol’ Big Daddy. I think the problem is with whoever is producing the show, most likely that crazy Australian, Gordon Elliott. The dude is likable and people can identify with him. He may not be the greatest cook in the world, but he brings some personality to the table and has the potential to make simple dishes that anyone could prepare. A male version of Rachel Ray, if you will(gag).

This tenderloin is da BOMB! You gonna want what I got, America!

I would like to point out that the Big Daddy has his own blog on Blogspot.com, because nothing says professional like Blogspot.com. No offense to anyone on Blogspot, but you would think Aaron could afford to host this blog on his own site. Better yet, his tag line is “Let’s all take a ride on the McCargo express!”. It’s impossible to tell which entries are actually written by McCargo, because he constantly refers to himself in the third person, “Hey, Big Daddy’s on Regis and Kelly Lee today ya’ll, give it a watch and eat the food that I cook. This is Big Daddy’s Kitchen. Cookin’ with my BOYZ”.

In summary, Aaron McCargo has potential which is why they chose him over those other douches on the fourth season of The Next Food Network Star. He’s just being severly mismanaged. Being the food production genius that I am, I felt the need to point this out. I hope you will agree with me and immedietly send letters to your local representative and demand Aaron McCargo Jr. be given a traveling show. It’s the best for everyone.

July 27, 2009
Bobby Flay. Stop.

This might not be very timely or relevant to anything, but I recently had some free time so I decided to park myself in front of the TV for a few hours. The only channel I can really stand anymore is the Travel Channel, but they were airing some nature show so I settled for the Food Network. I have to admit, I was a huge Food Network fan when I was first learning to cook. I even went to a food expo just to meet a few of the hosts. I can’t stand that network anymore. It’s awful. They went from attempting to influence people into learning about food, to creating as many versions of Rachel Ray as possible and catering to house wives. There really isn’t one show I enjoy on there anymore, with the exception of Good Eats and maybe Dinner Impossible. Barefoot Contessa has to be some of the most boring television I have ever seen. Who the hell is that 90 year old guy that comes to over to take pictures of her food? Does that creep anyone out besides me? Why did Food Network set up a show to make it seem as though Ina Garten cooks every day then invites some old dude over for a photogrtaphy session? Sandra Lee only seems to do things that should be common sense. “Take the canned pie filling, put it in the store bought pie crust and bake.”    Really? You need a show to tell you that?

The Food Network just seems to be a giant promotion for themselves now. They build up a chef or personality, and then market the shit out of his name. Great business, sure. What annoys me is when a chef or personality catches on with the housewives at home. Usually their show begins on Sundays at 2:30 in the afternoon. After obtaining popularity that personality gets their show moved to a weekday schedule along with a cookbook, cookware, commercials, and finally the show on the road. Every popular chef on the Food Network has had a series where they take their show on the road. Rachel Ray went and found $40 minute meals(and tipped very poorly, I must say), Alton Brown feasted on asphalt, Giada traveled and wore even more shirts to reveal her cleavage, the Neely’s went wherever they went and made even more sexual references to each other, Guy had Diners, Drive Inns, and Dives, and of course Bobby Flay has “Throwdown” with Bobby Flay.

I HATE “Throwdown” with Bobby Flay.

My bias against Bobby Flay is long term resentment-filled grudge of seeing him on an episode of Iron Chef Japan where at the end of the battle he jumped up on his cutting board with his shoes on in celebration and was dressed down by Morimoto for being a shithead that didn’t properly respect the sacred nature of his tools and profession as chef. Yo Morimoto, you and me : looking eye to eye.    So during Iron Chef America, I endlessly roll my eyes at Bobby Flay and overlay Alton Brown’s commentary with my own shouts at the television.

“Ooh let me create a tamale with that and … ummm put a mango salsa on that.”

“Let me guess. Put a chipotle ragu or some fucksauce on top of that”

“Oh shit, let me guess, you’re going to put some avocado cilantro aioli on that. Again. ”

Haven’t seen “Throwdown”? For those of you who may not know, Food Network’s “Throwdown” pits Bobby boy against an everyday person who just happens to be very good at making one particular item or dish. The “opponent” originally believes he or she is going to be the subject of a Food Network special, only to have Iron Chef Asswad interupt the taping and challenge them to a cookoff. Bobby will have a week to plan out his version of the opponent’s specialty. More often times then not he just makes a bastardized version of his competitor’s item, adding typical Flay Holy Trinity of blue corn meal, chilis of some sort, and a grill. Is mango chutney and sun dried tomato sauce really the future of American cuisine? Really, Bobby? You’re going to add green chilies to this recipe? No shit. The only highlight of the show is the fact that a majority of the time Bobby gets his ass handed to him by his challenger. Can you imagine whoever pitched this idea to the network? Knowing Bobby Flay, it was probably him. The entire premise of the show is set around reminding everyone how great Bobby Flay is.

Bobby Flay: “Ok guys, I have a great idea for my next show. I’m going to do some research, find local chefs who take pride in a recipe that has been either in their family for decades or that has made them famous, then I’m going to travel there, make a completely unauthentic version of that recipe, and possibly have people tell them that my version is superior. Oh, and during the majority of the shows we’re going to mess the recipe up while creating it in the test kitchen and tell the audience that I created the recipe last night with my wife.    Did I mention that I’m an egomaniac?”

Need further proof that Bobby Flay is a complete asshole? Read this article about Ben Sargent from the Clam Chowder episode. Apparently things are exactly how they look on TV. Here’s my favorite exerpt:

“He’s got all his soux chefs,” says Sargent. “Two women working under him in their black chef’s coats with the little Food Network logo on them. They looked so intimidating. His stocks were prepared in containers. He comes with 100 brand new glistening Japanese prep knives. He had his automatic chowder mixer. I’m sitting there, mixing raw potatoes, dealing with our lack of high flame.”

Don’t get me wrong, I respect the hell out of Bobby Flay’s talent and what he’s accomplished. I just think he should find more creative ways to broadcast this talent. Ways that don’t involve you proving how great of a chef you are. The Food Network used to be about teaching people the joy of cooking and all things food, not a non-stop worship of celebrity chefs.

For further Bobby Flay bashing, be sure to check out “The Staggering Dickerty of Bobby Flay”. It’s an oldie but a definite goodie.

July 20, 2009