Bomber Breakfast. FTW.

by John on January 6, 2010 · 12 comments

On February 21st, 2009 I attempted the Bomber Breakfast for the first time and failed miserably.  It was an embarrassing moment for me.  The waitresses laughed at me, and the bus boy made me bus my own table.  As I was pulling out of the parking lot, customers began throwing eggs at my car.  I required many hours of intense therapy to get over the pain, and three car washes to clean the eggs off.

After my rehabilitation period, I began training for the moment when I was ready to go back and prove to these people that I am not the “skinny little bitch” that they claimed I was.  That breakfast could fit in my stomach, I just went about it wrong!  I should have eaten the hash browns first!  With this in mind, I decided to go full Rocky 4 style and travel to Russia for some old school training.  This included jumping rope, running through the snow, doing sit-ups in a barn, and other activities that don’t involve performance enhancing drugs or running on a treadmill on a ridiculous incline.

With my mind, body and spirit in the right place I returned to the Bomber to reclaim my self respect.  I ordered my breakfast and the waitress brought it to me with a giant smirk on her face.  Little did she know, I was about to blow her mind.

If you’re not familiar with the bomber breakfast, it is one pound of hash browns, ten strips of bacon, four eggs, and two slices of toast.  Observe:

My plan going in was to smother the hash browns with ketchup and Red Hot so they would go down easier.  The first time I attempted this I ate the bacon first then moved onto the hash browns.  This ended up being a terrible idea.  The real challenge of getting through this breakfast is the hash browns.  The taste gets old real fast and your stomach becomes full if you don’t get them down fast enough.  My plan worked beautifully, and the potatoes were gone from the plate within five minutes.  It was a moral victory me just to get those things down.

After getting through the hash browns, it was all down hill from there.  Bacon and over easy eggs are two of my favorite things in the entire world, so this wasn’t even much of a challenge anymore.  The bacon was a little crispy, but it went down fast.  No problems here.  I did see the waitress walk by a few times with a worried look on here face.  Boom.

With the bacon and hash browns gone, victory was in sight.  All I had to do was smash through four eggs and a couple pieces of toast.  I considered this more of a victory lap than a final stretch.  I broke the yolks with my first two pieces of toast and used the dip method, ate the whites with my fork, then cleaned the plate with my final two pieces of toast.  Victory was mine.

If you will notice, I decided to devour that stupid orange garnish just to prove a point.  After finishing, I threw my plate across the restaurant and walked out without paying my bill.  Who’s laughing now?

I would like to point out that everything written above is false.  No one made any ill comments towards me, threw eggs at my car, or made any faces at me.  I also did not travel to Russia.  I did, however, destroy the Bomber Breakfast and the orange that came with it.  Boo yah, bitches.

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{ 12 comments… read them below or add one }

Jeremy January 6, 2010 at 6:49 pm

A hearty congratulations to you. Now off to Amarillo for the 72 oz. steak.

John January 6, 2010 at 7:00 pm

I’ve only had a bowl of cereal since eating this. I am still full.

Ryan January 6, 2010 at 11:45 pm

I think I could take this down. For some reason I can destroy breakfast foods. I like the new site design John.

John January 7, 2010 at 1:21 am

It’s rough. That’s a lot of hash browns. The bacon and eggs are easy, but you gotta get through a whole lot of potatoes.

John January 7, 2010 at 1:21 am

And thanks. Had some WordPress issues and have been working out the kinks the last few days.

wouldibuyitagain January 7, 2010 at 8:38 am

Nice work here. I haven’t tried and eating challenge in months, so this was a nice reminder.

I like the new logo as well. Real nice…

Varta January 7, 2010 at 11:35 am

OMG. You are my hero. I have a lot of potatoes, I should make hash browns, but it’s so warm here I lose my appetite :/

alex January 7, 2010 at 12:09 pm

heck ya! I want a pile of bacon in my paw.

Katy January 8, 2010 at 7:40 pm

You should totally try this challenge: — In Illinois, there’s a 42-scoop ice cream sundae challenge. No one has EVER finished! Do it, and you could have eternal fame (or at least bragging rights for a few days).

John January 8, 2010 at 7:41 pm

Oh man, I don’t know about an ice cream sundae challenge. That would tear up my stomach. Regular food I can do. Not much of a sugar guy.

Shannon August 24, 2011 at 12:02 am

I think I could eat that. Good job.

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