Epic Portions

Category: Competitive Eating

  • FULL English Breakfast. Let the bodies hit the floor…

    …haven’t heard that song in forever, have you?  Neither had I.  However, while rapidly consuming my first FULL ENGLISH BREAKFAST this last weekend in the quaint English Countryside, Drowning Pool’s turn-of-the-millennium one hit wonder crept into the outskirts of my mindbrain.  Why you ask?

    Beaten why for (why for)
    Can’t take much more
    Here we go!

    Not enough meat.
    In retrospect: not enough carbs.  Needs less black pudding and more mushrooms and tomatoes.  Never thought I’d say that.

    …
    Let the bodies hit the flooooor;
    Now!;
    Push me again;
    This is the end;

    Three hours later.   Sun shining.  Children playing.  Birds Tweeting.

    …Stomach rumbling.

    One – Something’s got to give;
    Two – Something’s got to give;
    Three – Something’s got to give;
    Now;
    Let the bodies hit the floor!

    Ugh.  Gastrointestinal signals have told me to lay off black pudding for the next year or 6.  I mean, heavens, think of the children!

  • Kobayashi Arrested

    In probably the strangest news ever in competitive eating history, Takeru Kobayashi was arrested yesterday during Coney Island’s Fourth of July hot dog contest and charged with resisting arrest, disorderly conduct, and trespassing. Kobayashi held out of the event after refusing to sign a contract that restricted his professional eating activities to competitions affiliated with the Major League Eating organization, but decided to attend the event anyway.  After Joey Chestnut won the contest, he jumped on stage and was immediately tackled my security guards and taken to jail.

    I’ve always been a Kobayashi fan.  Hell, the man changed competitive eating forever.  Check out the video, though. I feel like the Japanese usually protest a little better than this.  Couldn’t he think of anything better to do than rush the stage after the competition had ended and get all 145 pounds of him whooped and taken off of the stage by the police?  I think it would have been pretty sweet if he somehow crashed into the stage during the competition completely ruining everything.  Bonzzzaaaai!!!!!!!

  • Redemption is my Name

    On May 25th, 2009 I attempted to eat Bella Italia’s 30″ meat lovers pizza and failed miserably.  Looking back on the attempt,  we did fairly well, but our preparation was lacking.  We decided to give it a try the day of, and our stomachs weren’t even completely empty.  You may remember the end result looking something like this..

    Well, I can’t let this embarrassment stand.  I need to go back and complete their current challenge of a 30″ pizza with a 30 minute time limit.  The beautiful part of this is I can bring two partners with me.  I would like to bring two Epic Portions readers with me to attempt this challenge. We will arrange a date and time when we can go in, and you will be a part of the glory, a post on Epic Portions, and a write-up on AnnArbor.com.  I will cover the entry fee, but it’s free if when we finish the pizza.

    Comment here, e-mail me, talk to me in person, or however else you want to get ahold of me.  If I don’t know you, I need some proof that you’re a serious eater.  I can hold my own but I doubt I can finish the entire thing.  Get at me before Sunday and I will announce the team on Monday.