Vinturi Wine Aerator and Boxed Wine

It’s the weekend again – time to put our Hannumas/Christmakah presents to good use.  This year I got my better half the Vinturi Wine Aerator after using one at a friend’s house.

I won’t say too much about the hilarious variety of anatomically-related sounds that this thing makes, but nevertheless – it is a miracle for cheap wine lovers everywhere.  A wine aerator allows you to pour wine into an opening, which narrows and allows the wine to pull in air as it passes into the glass (thus, the glamorous marketing pun on the Venturi effect).

This mimicks a very rapid decanting for red wine, something no reasonable person does with the type of red wine (cheap) that my income bracket generally drinks.   In our experience using this sucker over the past two weeks (it’s the holidays so…yeah that’s been quite a bit), we’ve noticed that wine becomes softer, has better mouthfeel, and generally tastes….more expensive.  Woohoo!  3 buck chuck becomes…6 buck chuck?

We decided to put this to the test with the ultimate taboo of the wine-based dinner party: the good ol’ box -o- wine!  The box of wine is the ultimate wine democratizer – more practical than the heavy glass Jug-o-wine (I miss those Ernest and Julio Gallo ads!), and capable of lasting through nearly one weekend during a camping trip in the Kentucky hills years ago.

The fact is, if I want 5 liters of wine, it would cost me a pretty penny!  But if I want it in a plastic bag..inside a box…with an air-tight spout allowing it to last a couple of months – it’s about the price of a case of pure, clean Natural Light.

Then comes Target onto the scene.  Recently, our friendly high-end big box retailer has been bringing the mass-marketed box -0-wine to a new level with their Wine Cube, a dandy little two-bottle boxed wine in a variety of blends.  This isn’t great wine, or even really good wine.  But it’s alright wine…which quite frankly, kicks Franzia right where it hurts.

This lead us to a basic scientific question.  Could wine aeration improve boxed wine?  Lets watch the scientific process do its magic:

Question: Could our box-o-wine improve with the wine aerator?

Hypothesis: Your damn straight it could.

Methods/Results: A quick A-B blind taste test proved (N=3 individuals), with 100% certitude, that yes – the wine aerator vastly improved the nose, body, and finish of the Wine Cube, which was a 50% Cab/50% Merlot California blend.

Research Qualifications: I know, I know –  I wasn’t supposed to drink any %&*#ing Merlot!.

Conclusions: So there it is…the Vinturi works.  SCIENCE!

From Sideways:

Miles Raymond: Let me show you how this is done. First thing, hold the glass up and examine the wine against the light. You’re looking for color and clarity. Just, get a sense of it. OK? Uhh, thick? Thin? Watery? Syrupy? OK? Alright. Now, tip it. What you’re doing here is checking for color density as it thins out towards the rim. Uhh, that’s gonna tell you how old it is, among other things. It’s usually more important with reds. OK? Now, stick your nose in it. Don’t be shy, really get your nose in there. Mmm… a little citrus… maybe some strawberry…
[smacks lips]
Miles Raymond: … passion fruit…
[puts hand up to ear]
Miles Raymond: … and, oh, there’s just like the faintest soupçon of like asparagus and just a flutter of a, like a, nutty Edam cheese…
Jack: Wow. Strawberries, yeah! Strawberries. Not the cheese…