Mommy Marketing, A Rant


It’s been a while, but I’m ready to rant.  In case you are late to the party, you probably know I’m a stay at home Dad.  I deserve no accolades for taking care of my own children, nor is what I do the most important job in the world.  I wish people would spare me the condescension.  Another thing I can do without is the constant Mommy worship that goes unfettered, while Dads are usually portrayed as buffoonish, bumbling morons.  Just in case you didn’t know, there are some pretty shitty Moms out there.  Whether or not you think Casey Anthony is guilty of murder, there is evidence beyond a reasonable doubt that she was a shitty Mom.

How does this tie in to food?   I am sick the fuck of the Mom oriented food marketing that passes off as acceptable advertising.  Don Draper would be rolling over is his grave because of this shit.  Choosy Mom’s choose Jif?  Way to piss off half the population, Jif.  Choosy Dads say go fuck yourself and buy something else.  Robitussin is recommended by Dr. Mom?  Tell Dr. Mom she can prescribe me some Xanax and keep her crappy cough syrup to her self.

But today, while I was shopping at Plum Market, the worst offender was staring me right in the face—a cereal called Mom’s Best.  Mom’s Best is one of these “we save the earth” companies that get all wet and tingly because their executive washroom is powered by officiousness.  I don’t appreciate the name of their company.  Mom’s Best?  It doesn’t even properly apply to cereal…

I mean, Mom’s Best cornbread?  Sure.  Mom’s Best fried chicken?  Sign me up.  But cereal?  Does anyone have memories of their Mom making cereal?  If anyone reading this has one single memory of their Mom making cereal for the family, please let me know.  My Mom made all kinds of remarkably delicious breakfast treats.  Mom’s Best French toast, Mom’s Best omelets, Mom’s Best crispy bacon on the griddle.   Mmmmmmm, crispy bacon on the griddle…

So, while Mom’s Best may make a fine cereal, you can be damn sure that this Dad will be leaving it on the shelf.  If I want to feel smug about my cereal purchases, I’ll buy Kashi from now on.

Of course, maybe I’m looking at this from the wrong angle.  Perhaps it is time for a line of Dad’s Best products.  Dad’s Best whiskey.  Dad’s Best potato chips.  My personal favorite would be Dad’s Best Pregenancy Tests.  If the man is smiling, you aren’t pregnant.