So Lady Gaga, AKA wearer of weird clothes, wore a dress made entirely of raw meat to the VMAs last night. When asked for comment, Gaga had the following to say.
“Well, it is certainly no disrespect to anyone that is vegan or vegetarian. As you know, I am the most judgment-free human being on the earth,” said Gaga. “However, it has many interpretations but for me this evening. If we don’t stand up for what we believe in and if we don’t fight for our rights, pretty soon we’re going to have as much rights as the meat on our own bones. And, I am not a piece of meat.”
Epic Portions’ translation department worked all night to determine what this statement really meant and finally came up with the following.
Hi I am Lady Gaga and I am a tramp. I take drugs. I’m weird. Blah Blah Blah. Meat dress.
Man v. Food has been one of my favorite shows since it began a few years ago. It’s like a good version of Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives with a likable host and an eating challenge at the end. What is there not to love? When I first saw it, I felt like it was a natural fit that Epic Portions began covering it. Travel Channel even sent me season one on DVD for free.
I always hoped that Adam Richman would bring his show to Ann Arbor so I could hang out during production. This week, the time finally came. News started circling that the show was being filmed at Blimpy Burger on Wednesday, which was an obvious choice. If someone was in town visiting and I needed one place to take them, Blimpy would more than likely be the winner.
His next stop was the Maze and Blue Deli, which I found to be a little odd. I could probably think of ten places I would have recommended over it. I’m not saying the place isn’t good, but come on. Just because it has “Maze and Blue” in the name doesn’t mean you have to stop there while in Ann Arbor. I could open up a bike repair shop and call it “Maze and Blue Bike Shop”, but it wouldn’t mean you should take your bike to me to get fixed. I don’t know shit about bikes. I would probably break your bike even more than it already was.
I did everything I could to find out where the eating challenge would take place. I scoured the internet, I talked to my insiders(HA!), and I kept my ear to the streets. I was going to find Mr. Richman and I was going to be present for the challenge. I had work off, a full tank of gas, and a dream. I finally found where out where it was all taking place, and what I read horrified me.
They selected Tios’ Mexican Cafe as their final destination.
Out of all places, they chose Tios. Tios Mexican Cafe. The WORST food in the area, perhaps the state. The place that has done everything in their power to DESTROY Mexican food. The challenge turned out to be something I have written before… A hideous five pound pile of slop known as Mount Nacheesmo.
More like Mount Pile of Garbage! Haha!
Seriously, that is television worthy? I could make that in my house and it would look/taste about 100 times better. I was completely confused on this decision. Ann Arbor has great local joints that really say something about the city, other than “Hey, we fucking hate Mexican food so we’re going to destroy it. Here, have an enormous burrito filled with cat food and beans, and topped with yellow cheese and bland enchilada sauce.” Why did Tios get the selection? 9/10 people that know food will tell you that Tios’ food sucks. It’s common knowledge. Couldn’t someone on the research team ask a local what they thought of the place and possibly recommend a good place to go?
Some time ago, I read WouldIBuyitAgain.com’s, rant on the resturuant selection in the Indianapolis. I now see what he means. The selection process on Man v. Food has gotten awful. I will no longer watch Man v. Food. Let the boycott begin.
I love labor day. Why? Well, thanks to holiday pay from my work I get to be a professional at everything I do on that particular day. I get to be a professional layer in bedder, a professional teeth brusher, a professional eater, a professional driver, and the list goes on. My favorite one day profession this year was a professional burger maker.
I give to you the best burger we came up with. A bacon, fried egg, sauteed mushroom, swiss cheese, bleu cheese and caramelized onion burger. Delicious.
Also, thanks to Kara we also ate maple bacon toffee cupcakes. Holy shit these things were good.
