For years, I have been preaching my hatred for Subway resturaunts. Everyone is suprised by this because Subway seems to offer such healthy, delicious meal options and they helped Jared lose 758 pounds. I always had random reasons in my head, but I never stopped to think exactly why I hated subway. I then decided to compile a list and share it with my readers. If you enjoy subway and large pairs of pants that don’t fit anymore, this post is not for you. Well, maybe somehow I could change your mind but I doubt it. Anyways, read on.
- Jared.
I hate Jared. Unless you’ve been staring into an empty milkshake cup for the past five years, you’ve been irritated by Jared Fogle, the incredibly annoying Subway poster child who revolutionized the glory of instant celebrity. All he did was plump up like a Ball Park frank for 20 years by stuffing himself with Big Macs and cream-cheese stuffed French toast, and then un-fattening his Thanksgiving turkey figure by eating Subway sandwiches for every single meal. But should this not be seen as a success story? An obese man who was destined for quadruple bypass surgery by the age of 45 losing the weight and becoming a healthy 170 pounder who can show his fat jeans on national TV? No.
Why do I hate Jared? The answer is simple. More than half of Americans are overweight, and those who are find it unbelievably frustrating that a completely average guy has become an idolized American hero for losing weight. Was this hard for Jared to do? Of course not. Before he stopped carrying around 893 pounds of fat on his body, he simply stopped being a complete idiot and quit consuming massive amounts of fat-fried ground beef. He also had the bright idea of getting his ass out of the seat of the bus he took to McDonald’s every day and walked to a Subway, which wasn’t hard considering that America’s Subway stores are popping up like Starbucks in Los Angeles.
One day when Jared was working up a sweat pouring chocolate milk over his fifth bowl of Count Chocula, he decided to risk a heart attack and burn 800 calories by exerting the effort to turn the milk carton around and read the food pyramid the back. He made an incredible discovery: he hadn’t been obeying the food pyramid! His eating habits were somewhat different!
Bottom line, this guy is now a celebrity because he decided to do what millions of Americans do, which is eat a normal and healthy diet. He is a spokesperson for the company because he makes it look as though it is EASY to lose 837 pounds just eating at Subway everyday. If you can stand the taste of the subs every day, then I guess you deserve to lose that much weight. Just for the record, that last sentence was NOT intended to give Jared any credit.
- The Sandwiches Taste Terrible
With 23,983 units and growing, Subway markets themselves as a healthier alternative to other fast food places. Take for instance their 6 grams of fat or less promotion, this encompasses most of Subway’s menu. Their mission to make their sandwiches under certain grams of fat, however, comes at the expense of taste quality, specifically the sandwiches with deli meat. The deli meats are sliced way too thin and therefore are unable to satisfy people with an appetite such as myself. Don’t believe me? Next time you get a Subway sub, dissect it, hold one piece of lunch meat up to the light and examine how much light comes through. You will be amazed, and come to understand how the consumers are being skimmed. Also, why does every type of meat they serve taste exactly the same?
The same case can be made for their bread, which is way too soft for a hoagie. The fluff of the roll can sometimes make the contents of the sandwich disappear. Subways have made steps to correct their roll quality by offering a variety of spicy breads, but that is kind of like pouring a whole bunch of black pepper into a bland tasting soup. Plus, their lame excuse for a toasted sub is putting your bread into some kind of giant oven which only makes the bread slightly crunchy. This is not a toasted sub. Half the sub is crunchy and the other half is still soft and slightly warm.
Also, it is comedic to me the way that they call the people who work at their establishments “sandwich artists”. Really? So you can put slices of meat on a piece of bread, sprinkle cheese and vegetables on top of that, squeeze a bottle of dressing, and then cut the whole thing down the middle? Damn, that’s a lot of work. Maybe you should be paying them more than $7.40 an hour. You might lose them to an actual sandwich shop. Oh wait, you drove all of them out of business.
- They Are The Only Option
If you’ve ever had a sandwich from a locally owned shop, you know exactly how delicious a sandwich can be. What Subway has done is open up a store or four in every single United States City, putting pressure on these shops to lower their prices while their ingredients suffer. Mom and Pop shops just can’t compete with the prices and the Subway name, so they are forced to close down. Where you were previously able to purchase delicious home made style sandwiches, you are now forced to eat a Subway sandwich.
- $5 Footlongs
I thought about it for awhile and then I’ve come to realize the genius of Subway marketing and what a big con it is. The $5 footlong will basically get you the same amount of meat as a 6 inch, except you get to spread it out over a foot long piece of bread. Watch your local “sandwich artist” next time you order a $5 dollar foot long and see how much of everything you get. Actually, ask them for double meat and see what they say.
- Profiting on America’s Health
I will admit, the whole “healthy” thing is pure genius. Basically Subway gets to cut back on more expensive food ingredients (meats) and substitute with cheaper ingredients (vegetables) and charge customers the same for a “healthier” product. But you have to wonder, how fresh are those vegetables and meats that are sitting on an open counter. Have those tomatoes been kept at an acceptable temperature, or have they been sitting out at room tempterature for the last 6 hours?
What about the dressings? You can’t tell me you order a Subway sandwich with no dressing. That just wouldn’t taste good! Why? Here’s why…
Chipolte South West Dressing – 1 tbs – 150 calories, 10 grams of fat
Regular Mayo – 1 tbs – 160 calories, 14 grams of fat
Ranch – 1 tbs – 100 calories, 12 grams of fat
Greek Vinaigrette – 1 ounce – 200 calories, 22 grams of fat
Fat Free Italian – 1 ounce – 35 calories, 0 grams of fat, 720 mg of sodium
Keep in mind those aren’t added in to their calorie and fat content that they print on their napkins and the amount you get on your sandwich is a lot more than a tablespoon or an ounce.Oh, and how about that knife that they use? How many subs do you think get cut a day with that same knife? The tuna sub before you, the meatball sub before that.. How much crap do you think is on that knife?
That’s all I’ve got. I’m sure there are more things that I hate about Subway, but that’s all I have for you. I hope what i’ve said has moved you, and you are more motivated to find an alternate choice rather than Subway.
