Category: Research

  • The Heart Attack Hall of Fame

    Ever go out to eat and wonder how unhealthy that dinner you’re consuming might be?  I sure don’t, but for some reason I was interested to take a look around at popular restaurants and see exactly who is trying to give America high blood pressure.  Maybe it was because of my lack of creativity the last week or so, but man, did I succeed.  There’s some pretty nasty stuff out there.  I wouldn’t recommend you avoid all of these items because I can promise you that they are delicious, but just don’t eat them every night.  You might find yourself looking like Kirstie Alley, and not the Kirstie Alley who gave birth to a baby who’s thoughts were narrated by Bruce Willis.

    For every item, I will also provide photo evidence to show what you might look like if you were to indulge on that particular menu item on a daily basis.  This is for my fellow sufferers of A.D.D. who just like looking at pictures.


    Chipotle Mexican Grilled Chicken Burrito

    1,179 calories
    7 g fat

    125 g carbs
    2,656 mg sodium

    Just wanted to start with something light to get us going.  About a month ago, I wrote a post about how much I loved Chipolte once I actually gave it a chance.  I always knew these monster burritos weren’t exactly good for you, and I feel as though it’s public knowledge.  Despite a reputation for using healthy, fresh ingredients, Chipotle’s menu is limited to king-size burritos, overstuffed tacos, and gigantic salads —all of which lead to a humongous waistline.

    While not all that terrible for you, you should probably avoid these things on your lunch break.  I would recommend for dinner only, or you might find your fat ass riding a scooter to and from work.


    Chili’s Awesome Blossom

    2,710 calories
    203 g fat
    194 g carbs
    6,360 mg sodium

    Jesus.  Hard to believe that a single onion can wreak so much nutritional havoc, but batter and fry anything and serve it with a rich dipping sauce and you’re bound to do some damage. Truth is, no one thinks that a deep fried onion is healthy. But, people don’t realize just how bad it really is. The pieces are so irregular it takes different amounts of time for sections of the same petal to cook. This means that some parts are invariably overcooked. When you overcook deep fried food, all the moisture is released and the oil is let in. That’s why onion blossoms are so much greasier and calorie-laden than say onion rings.  Even if you split this thing 4 ways, you’re still eating about as many calories as you would from a normal meal.  Daaaaaaamn.

    If you keep eating the Awesome Blossom,  you’re probably going to end up looking like that fat guy from Lost.  I don’t know his name, but I bet he’s had a few Awesome Blossoms in his day.


    P.F. Chang’s Pork Lo Mein

    1,820 calories
    127 g fat
    95 g carbs

    I don’t ever eat at P.F. Chang’s because I think they are overcharging for the quality of food offered.  When I found out that the P.F. stood for “Paul Fleming”, I was even more turned off.   If you can find a whiter name than Paul Fleming, I will buy you dinner.  Anyways, back to the fat.. Don’t eat the Lo Mein.  It’s bad for you.  That’s all I got.

    Continue eating the Lo Mein, and you will look similar to former WWF heavyweight wrestler, Yokozuna.  Sure, he had some epic battles in the ring, but he died when he was 36 and weighed in at a trim 900 pounds at that time.


    Chili’s Smokehouse Bacon Triple-The-Cheese Big Mouth Burger with Jalapeno Ranch Dressing

    2,040 calories
    150 g fat (53 g saturated)
    110 g protein
    4,900 mg sodium

    You know this burger’s in trouble when it takes more than 20 syllables just to identify it. If you think the name’s a mouthful, just wait until the burger hits the table. You’ll be face-to-face with two-and-a-half days’ worth of fat—a full third of which is saturated. To do that much damage with roasted sirloin, you’d have to eat about eight 6-ounce steaks. (It’s nearly three days’ worth of saturated fat.)

    Keep eating these burgers, and guess what?  You’re going to look like John Travolta in Hairspray.


    Uno Chicago Grill Pizza Skins

    2,400 calories
    155 g fat (50 g saturated)
    3,600 mg sodium


    This appetizer is like eating a Large Domino’s Sausage Pizza.  Would you ever think of saying to a waiter: “You know what?  I’m hungry tonight.  Let me get started with a large pizza and go heavy on the sausage.”  If you’re ordering for a party of more than five, it might be OK, but for smaller groups, it’s tilting toward gluttony gone wild.

    Keep eating these and you’re going to end up like the guy who is fat but wears the “I Beat Anorexia Shirt”.  He does look happy though.


    Macaroni Grill Spaghetti and Meatballs with Meat Sauce

    2,430 calories
    128 g fat
    207 g carbohydrates
    5,290 mg sodium

    First off, I have to watch what I say here because my girlfriend works for Macaroni Grill, but Daaaaaamn! 2,400 calories?  128g of fat?  For some pasta?  That’s crazy.

    Other things you could eat and still be as unhealthy as Macaroni Grill’s Spaghetti with Meatballs:

    • 18 Twinkies
    • 19 Ho Ho’s
    • 16 Ounces(4 cups) of sausage gravy
    • 3 Whoppers
    • 19 strips of bacon
    • 6 fried chicken breasts from KFC

    If you kept eating plates of pasta from the Macaroni Grill, you’re probably going to look like a porked up version of Robert DeNiro as Jake La Motta in Raging Bull.  That wasn’t a good look for him.

    I have to add that you should keep eating at Macaroni Grill and tip your server well, especially if her name is Stephanie.  Just try and order something besides the Spaghetti and Meatballs.


    Outback Steak House Aussie Cheese Fries

    2,900 calories
    182 g fat
    240 g carbs

    This one really takes the cake.  This tub of sludge is, according to Men’s Health magazine, the worst food in America.  Just eating this one food item, which is listed as a starter, will fill your entire caloric intake for the day.  During my research, I checked what the good folks over at Urban Dictionary had to say on the subject.  Here’s what you get:

    Cheesy Fries from Outback Steakhouse that when ordered xtra cheese extra bacon and honey mustard or ranch is an orgasm in the mouth along with a heart attack in one bite
    Couldn’t sum it up any better than that.  If you continue eating this “starter” you will end up like Manuel Uribe, who has the distinct honor of having his picture coming up first on Google Images when searching for “World’s Fattest Man”. He weighs 1,234 pounds.  Holy jesus.
  • Breaking News

    Ladies and gentlemen, can I please have your attention. I’ve just been handed an urgent and horrifying news story. I need all of you, to stop what you’re doing and listen.

    I do not have swine flu, and neither do you.


    This kid doesn't have swine flu either

    So everyone seems to be in a mild panic over the swine flu outbreak that has killed 150 people so far in Mexico. This is amusing when you consider the death toll from ordinary flu:

    Since January, more than 13,000 people have died of complications from seasonal flu, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention’s weekly report on the causes of death in the nation.

    No fewer than 800 flu-related deaths were reported in any week between January 1 and April 18, the most recent week for which figures were available.

    The report looks at deaths in the 122 largest cities in the United States.

    Worldwide, the annual death toll from the flu is estimated to be between 250,000 and 500,000.

    The only real concern to be had about the swine flu is that it’s a new strain so there’s no vaccine for it yet, but there probably will be before too long and in the meantime there are effective anti-viral medications that’ll work on it. The vast majority of people that catch swine flu will survive it, though there’s likely to be a few deaths given how many people ordinary flu kills on a regular basis. It’s something to be aware of, but nothing to panic about. Especially when you consider some other historical flu outbreaks to put things in perspective:

    It’s estimated that about 28 per cent of Canadians and Americans contracted the Spanish flu. Worldwide, an estimated 2.5 per cent of the sick died of complications, which made the pandemic one of the most lethal flu outbreaks in recorded history. Certainly it was one that imprinted itself upon human consciousness for several generations.

    So, even if we had a repeat of the 1918 flu, the chances were seven out of 10 that you wouldn’t catch it and if you did, the odds were better than nine out of 10 that you’d survive.

    But there’s another way to look at those statistics. You might observe, for example, that they mean that even during the worst ravages of the 1918 flu, 97.5 per cent of those infected survived and recovered. Or that 72 per cent of the population—even in the absence of the sophisticated public health planning and infrastructure that Canada and the U.S. have since built—was not infected during the pandemic.

    You want a pandemic to panic about? How about panicking a little over AIDS?

    Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome (AIDS) has led to the deaths of more than 25 million people since it was first recognized in 1981, making it one of the most destructive epidemics in recorded history. Despite recent improved access to antiretroviral treatment and care in many regions of the world, in 2007 the AIDS pandemic killed an estimated 2.1 million people, including 330,000 children. In 2007, an estimated 33.2 million people lived with the disease worldwide, with an estimated 2.5 million people newly infected in 2007. This has been attributed to lack of access to antiretroviral treatment in huge areas such as the continent of Africa, where less than 10 percent of infected are reported to have access to it. The pandemic is not homogeneous within regions, with some countries more afflicted than others. Even at the country level, there are wide variations in infection levels between different areas. The number of people living with HIV continues to rise in most parts of the world, despite the implementation of prevention strategies. Sub-Saharan Africa remains by far the worst-affected region, with an estimated 22.5 million people living with HIV at the end of 2007, 68% of the global total. South & South East Asia have an estimated 12% of the global total.

    Ok, now that I got that out out of the way, I had a few ideas of things that can be done rather than worrying about swine flu.  These are meant to either boost your spirits if you are concerned about the “crisis”, or give you an idea of how you can live a swine flu-free life.  Face it, you’re not going to get swine flu.  Ok, on with business.

    • Ben & Jerry’s should make a “Swine Flu” flavored ice cream.

    • Swine Flu – The Movie.  Starring Will Smith and his son

      I just finished watching a press conference from the Centers for Disease Control, and I can’t help but think that I’ve seen that scene before.

      You know, the one wherein the lead character turns on the TV and some faux news broadcast covers an emerging crisis (from Global Cable News, or some other made-up network). We know it’s a hint that the utter destruction of civilization is coming in about 20 minutes or so, but our protagonist simply notes it, which makes sense, since portent of Armageddon haunt almost every hour of the daily news (and swirls across the Internet far more frequently, as well as virulently).

      Maybe it’s a symptom of my loss of faith in our public institutions. I mean, come on now, our government couldn’t predict the fall of the Soviet Union, the miasma in Iraq, the devastation of Katrina, or the collapse of our economy. What has it done or said that proves it knows what’s going on with the swine flu outbreak?

      Every declaration is nuanced or caveated with blatant wiggle room: it’s a public health emergency, only not really. Travel is being restricted, well

      We’ve seen the entire movie, actually, only today I think it feels like it’s really happening.

    • Heidi and Spencer(from the Hills) recently had a honeymoon in Mexico and possibly could have contracted the swine flu.  This is great news.

      Why do these people have more money than I do?
      Why do these people have more money than I do?
    • Stop buying Lysol and any other disinfectant products.

      Lysol, Dial and Purell are updating their marketing campaigns to address the recent Swine Flu pandemic.As the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention is advising hand-washing as a key tool for stopping the spread of swine flu, soap and hygiene brands are updating their websites, and spreading the word that consumers can help protect themselves by using their products.

      Disinfectant brand Lysol has updated its homepage with information on swine flu.  Information includes spraying your entire house with at least 10 cans of Lysol, and spraying people who may look sick.

      Dial has launched a print and online campaign encouraging people to wash their hands more often.  With more Dial soap.

      Johnson & Johnson has also updated the website for its brand Purell Instant Hand Sanitizer, giving information on hygiene.  Like use more Purell Instant Hand Sanitizer.

      Yes, these are two men holding hands and they HAVE NOT used instant hand sanitizer.  OMFG
      Yes, these are two men holding hands and they HAVE NOT used instant hand sanitizer. OMFG

    People dying is sad.  I’m not saying it isn’t.  But I am saying that people are freaking out for no reason right now.  There are Six Billion people on this planet and tons of people die everyday from Cancer, AIDS, and Maleria.  36000 people die from the REGULAR flu every year.  And that’s a fact, jack.  So let’s all stop hating on pigs.  You like pig.  Remember pig?  Bacon?  Go have some sausage.  That’s right.  You eat that hotdog.  Just eat that hotdog and calm down.

  • Beer Sales – 2008

    I got curious today so I decided to do some research.  I present to you all the information you ever wanted to know about the beer people drank in 2008:

    2008 World Beer Cup Winners, Ratings

    Top Rated Beers on the Planet – Notice that Bell’s Hop Slam came in at #25

    Top Selling Beers in U.S.

    1. Bud Light – It always confuses me that people enjoy a beer that barely tastes like beer.
    2. Budweiser
    3. Miller Light
    4. Coors Light
    5. Corona Extra
    6. Natural Light
    7. Heineken
    8. Michelob Ultra Light
    9. Busch Light
    10. Miller High Life

    Top Micro/Craft Brands

    1. Sierra Nevada Pale Ale
    2. Sam Adams Boston Lager
    3. New Belgium Fat Tire
    4. Sam Adams Seasonal
    5. Sam Adams Light

    This list does not include Coors’ Blue Moon White (it is considered Super Premium since it is owned by a megabrewer). Its sales are up more than 100% so far this year and it would rank behind only SNPA and Boston Lager.

    Top Selling Beer by Country

    • Canada – Labatt Blue
      • Canadians rarely pass up a chance to look down their noses at Americans because they feel nearly all their beer is better than the swill that most Yanks drink, and it’s true that they do have some fine suds available in the great white north, but their best selling brand is currently Labatt Blue. It’s definitely at least half a step above most of the popular American beers they like to make fun of, but those crazy Canucks don’t get off so easy because Coors Light has recently made its way up to number two, and Molson Canadian checks in third, although Budweiser itself had all of them beat as recently as 2005, so there really isn’t too much to brag about.
    • Brazil – Skol
      • Many people don’t immediately think of beer when they think of Brazil, but the fifth most populous country in the world with almost 200 million residents likes its lager. With almost a third of the total market, the local brand Skol (named after the toasting expression in Scandinavia) dominates, with Brahma getting about 20%, followed by Antarctica with about 14%. Lest you think the competition is cutthroat, all of them are owned by what used to be known as AmBev, which recently merged with Interbrew, to create InBev, which is the largest brewing company in the world, even if it doesn’t take over Anhauser-Busch soon.
    • Mexico – Corona Extra
      • In one of the few cases where your guess would be absolutely right, Corona is the best selling beer in Mexico and also the top selling imported beer in the United States, after having recently passed Heineken for that honor. Corona is also one of the best selling beers in the world, available in over 150 countries at this point. Tecate and Dos Equis pick up the scraps for 2nd and 3rd place in Mexico, and Tecate Light claims to be the best selling light beer in the country, although that market is still fairly small. All the Mexican beers probably greatly contribute to worldwide sales of limes, but those stats were hard to track down.
    • Germany – Krombacher
      • Traveling through beer-obsessed Germany is a real treat as long as you like the main lager style that dominates nearly all the taps. There are around 1,300 breweries in the country, ranking second only to the United States, so you can imagine that the choices are regional and varied. Still, a few huge companies dominate the German beer market, with Krombacher lately taking the crown as the single top brand, followed by Bitburger, Warsteiner, and Becks, which is by far the most exported German beer. Their famous Reinheitsgebot purity law that used to limit the potential ingredients has kept nearly all imported beers out of the country, even long after the EU made them give that up in 1987.
    • Netherlands – Heineken
      • Another country that as famous for beer as for almost anything else, the Netherlands continues to be dominated by the giant Heineken brewery. Beer loyalty and distribution tends to be very regional in this small country, but the main Heineken Pilsner that flows almost like water in Amsterdam and several other large cities is so ubiquitous that many places carry nothing else, and even get their supply from trucks that pump the stuff into a tank a few times a week instead of dealing with all those pesky kegs. Its nearest competitor is Amstel (not Amstel Light, which is mostly exported), but they don’t have to worry about the competition because Heineken bought that brand in 1968. Grolsch, which is sometimes known for its stay-attached bottle cap, is a distant third.
    • United Kingdom – Carling
      • Long known for its “warm beer”, the United Kingdom has mostly fancied ales instead of lagers for centuries. And it’s not actually warm, but instead purposely kept at the temperature of the cellar for maximum flavor. But lately the lagers of the world have bullied their way onto the market, and the regional ales get crushed by the big national brands in sales. The best selling brand is Carling, which used to be called Carling Black Label, and isn’t well known in most of the world. Australian brand Foster’s Lager is second, Belgian brand Stella Artois is third, and Danish brand Carlsberg is fourth. Carling itself originated in Canada, so the Brits really do like their imports.
    • Ireland – Guiness
      • Some people don’t really consider stout a beer at all, but we do, and otherwise we couldn’t even mention the way Guinness dominates the market in Ireland. Domestic sales have actually been dropping a bit for the past few years, though they still account for nearly half of the total in the country. Fans of the stuff insist the lines have to be clean and the beer has to be fresh, so it always tastes better in Ireland than it does elsewhere. It’s now brewed in almost 50 different countries worldwide, and even though the company insists it’s all the same, this could help explain why it seems better in some places than in others. The best selling lager is Harp, which happens to be owned by Diageo, which is the same London-based company that owns Guinness.
    • Belgium – Jupiler
      • Beer fanatics will usually tell you that a trip to Belgium is like strolling through the pearly gates. Known for a dizzying variety of quality choices, you can get a high-alcohol Trappist monk beer, and then wash that down with a white beer, which features a collection of herbs and orange peels to give it more character. But Belgium is also home of the giant InBev brewery company, and traditional lagers are still most popular. Stella Artois is by far the largest selling Belgian beer around the world, but curiously enough it only holds an 8% share in the country, crushed by Jupiler, which gets around 40% of the market. This isn’t much of a rivalry however, since InBev owns both brands anyway.
    • Japan – Asahi Super Dry
      • Another country that people might not automatically assume is filled with beer guzzlers, Japan is really in love with the stuff. While sake owns about 8% of the country’s alcohol market, beer takes down almost 60%, with four huge companies dominating the scene. Asahi Super Dry appears to be on top currently, closely followed by Kirin, Sopporo, and Suntory. The country’s famous beer vending machines, which used to sell cans as big as one liter to anyone with enough money, have been phased out for fear of adding to underage drinking with just a bit too much convenience.
    • Australia – Victoria Bitter
      • Foster’s Lager is one of the world’s best known and best selling beers, yet it can barely get arrested in Australia itself. Thanks to a genius marketing campaign and relentless promotion, the world thinks “Foster’s is Australian for beer” and yet it’s barely even available down under. The beer scene is dominated by different brands in each state, but the overall winner currently is Victoria Bitter, which is locally known as VB, is really a normal lager instead of a real bitter, and is owned by Foster’s anyway. VB is especially big in the state of Victoria (where Melbourne is), while Toohey’s is biggest in New South Wales (where Sydney is) and XXXX dominates in Queensland (where Brisbane is).
    Source: www.pintsofbeer.com/