Category: Food Reviews

  • Mommie’s Soul Food

    This little drive through soul food joint called Mommie’s Soul Food just opened up on Washtenaw right by my apartment.  The building is an old Hot ‘n’ Now location  The funny thing is there’s no drive through speaker.  Last time I drove by the operation was set up with some lady standing outside taking your order, running it inside, then having you pull up to the window for your food.  Word on the street is they actually have some pretty legit soul food.  I’m still trying to build up the courage to give it a try.  What do you think?  Should I?

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  • Vietnamese Coffee – “Weasel Filtered”

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    Friend and Epic Portions contributor Dave spent a year in Cambodia, visiting Vietnam to explore all things strange and delicious. Having been recently sidelined with an Achilles Tendon tear (I do not wish this on anyone, including my enemies!), I’ve spent a lot of time on the couch.  Dave recently came through with a dandy little pick-me-up in the form of Vietnamese “Weasel” Coffee.

    “Weasel” Coffee – or Kopi Luwak is one of the most expensive coffees in the world ($100-$500/pound when bought in the United States).  The reason for this is kind of…gross:

    Weasel coffee is made from Coffee Berries that have been eaten by, and passed through the digestive system of any of a family of Civets, little “weasel”-like creatures residing in the Indonesian Archipelago (Sumatra, Java, Bali, and Sulawesi).  That’s right – you heard me – Civets eat coffee berries..and crap them out.

    Civets consume the red coffee cherries, picking only the ripest and sweetest fruit. As a result, the Civets naturally select the best coffee beans.  The inner bean of the berry isn’t digested.  Rather,  enzymes in Civet’s stomach add to the coffee’s flavor by breaking down the proteins that give coffee its bitter taste. The beans are defecated, still covered in some inner layers of the berry. The beans are washed, and given only a light roast so as to not destroy the complex flavors that develop through the process. Light roasting is means that one of the best characteristics of Weasel Coffee is that most of that ‘coffee bitterness’ is removed.

    Let me be more direct – Kopi Luwak is the greatest coffee in the world.  Hands down.  Game over.  Holy moly – I could drink a barrel of this stuff.

    In the morning.  And another barrel later in the afternoon.

    It’s flavor profile is completely unique, with deep nutty tones, and a million other Southeast Asian flavors that my couch-imprinting behind has yet to experience.

    The Weasel Coffee experience is wonderful. Preparation is slow and delicate – detailed by the wonderful folks over at Wandering Spoon in their article on Vietnamese Coffee (Ca Phe). [Check out those drawings!  Wish I was that good.]

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    Water is first heated to just below boiling and poured into the cup sitting atop coffee mugs.  This cup is filled with a small amount of the Kopi Luwak/Ca Phe.  These grounds are incredibly fine – almost a dust!

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    The drip action is slow, allowing this incredibly strong, highly-caffeined coffee to drip through the dense, roughly filtered grounds.

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    This coffee is STRONG.  So you don’t need much to knock you back.  You’ll then want to add lots of sugar and milk.  The custom is to add sweetened condensed milk to taste.  Here, we instead use raw cane sugar and evaporated milk – same difference.

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    The sweetened, condensed (or evaporated – milk with half the water removed) milk adds a rich, creamy texture and gives the coffee a lot of body.

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    Many people love to put this coffee on ice.  People like me aren’t satisfied with that, and add Baileys (or its value mart equivalent).

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    If you can get your hands on this stuff, Enjoy!  I’ll have the bag Dave left at my house in a safe in the garage guarded by my Chihuahua attack dog.

  • Taco Bell – Fully Loaded Nachos

    After losing several pounds(and promptly bragging about it), l decided I would completely leap off of the wagon and grab some of Taco Bell’s new Fully Loaded Nachos.  The Nachos Bel Grande is one of my all time favorites, so how bad could it be?   My answer to you is pretty bad.  I was actually pretty pissed that this turned out to be my splurge meal.  I’m pretty sure Taco Bell reads this blog, so this is dedicated to you, Taco Bell employee reader of Epic Portions.  Unless you work in the mail room or something.  If that’s the case, keep up the good work, Kevin James.

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    Upon my first gaze of these “fully loaded” nachos, I realized they were not fully loaded at all.  They were actually just a bunch of crap piled into a tortilla bowl that is usually used for their taco salads.  I began to wonder exactly what made these fully loaded and any different from the Nachos Bel Grande.  Chips?  Check.  Beef?  Check.  Beans?  Check.   Cheese?  Check.  Sour Cream?  Check.  I was only able to find two things that were different.

    The first are the red tortilla strips, which I can’t seem to understand.  I can deal with them in my burritos because they add a bit of crunch.  Who came up with the concept of putting smaller tortilla strips on top of regular sized tortilla chips, on top of a giant tortilla bowl?  That’s a bit too much tortilla for me.  Less tortilla please.  Keep in mind that I’m saying tortilla over and over to prove a point.  They could have at least made the tortilla black or something.  Switch it up people.  I’m getting bored here.

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    The second difference is the guacamole, which tastes terrible.  Good, fresh guacamole is one of my favorite things in the world.  Shitty, processed guacamole is one of my least favorites.  I know what most of you are thinking.  “Hey asshole, you’re at Taco Bell.  What do you expect?”  What I expect is shitty quality food that has so many spices and chemicals poured into it that somehow it tastes good.  They somehow make grade-D meat taste good, so how did they screw up the guacamole?  Get on that Tbell.  That stuff looks like it comes in a tube and seals pipes.  Sick.

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    I ended up doing what I always do when I’m not satisfied with a Taco Bell menu item: smother it in fire and hot sauce.  Have you ever noticed that no other hot sauce tastes better on Taco Bell food than their own sauce?  The stuff tastes like shit on other food, but I swear they did something to make it only taste good on their food.  Oh, and I had to eat the entire thing with a spork so it ended up being like a bowl of Taco Bell cereal of something.  When I was done, I just threw the bowl away.  Damn, was I unsatisfied.

    In tribute to one of my favorite food blogs, WouldIBuyitAgain?, I would like to completely rip off their concept and  end this review with the following…

    No.  I would not buy this again.