Tag: reviews

  • Epic Product Reviews: Leinenkugel Oktoberfest

    Autumn is in the air, my friends.  Leaves are changing color, the crack of shoulder pads announce the birth of a new season of football, and the languorous days of summer part for the crisp air and activity of fall.  Actually…no.  It’s still 85 degrees in the shade and much to my chagrin it seems football season will never arrive.  Then why, I must ask, have my grocer and local beer monger’s shelves been stocked with Oktoberfest beer since early August?  Like holiday decorations hung in October, the re-formatting of our seasons continues.  When it involves Christmas or Hanukkah, I find it annoying but expected in a way.  When it involves beer, I can’t help but take it personally.  Before long winter beer will be here in mid-September.  And that makes me sad.

    Leinenkugel's Oktoberfest

    Over the next couple weeks I’ll be reviewing Oktoberfest beers.  As they have been available for weeks now, I feel I cannot put off the reviews any longer.  It saddens me to have to do this now, but the beer is out there and in order to stay ahead of the competition I can’t let EP become irrelevant because we are too late with our reviews.  So, my hand has been forced…

    In order to achieve the fall setting necessary to truly enjoy an Oktoberfest style beer, I decided to turn my AC down to 58 degrees and light a fire in my fireplace.  I then dressed my children in football uniforms and told them to crash into each other at high speeds.  After having achieved autumnal bliss (as well as convincing my wife I hadn’t gone insane and not to call the local asylum or child protective services), I cracked open a Leinenkugel Oktoberfest beer.

    The first thing I noticed was the rich amber color.  It almost screamed fall at me, until I realized the screaming was coming from daughter after my son used an illegal chop block on her.  I longed for a crisp autumn evening on my deck with delicious dead animals on the grill and a Leiny in hand.  Instead I was forced to watch my son disregard all known rules of football and use five downs to score on my daughter.  Brought back awful memories of my freshman year at Mizzou, but I digress.  As for the beer, the Munich and Carmel malts hit all the right notes.  I did wish for a higher degree of bitterness, but overall I quite enjoyed it.  It will provide a nice entry into the Oktoberfest style for these reviews.  Kind of appropriate because to me Leiny’s offerings are what I describe as “gateway beer.”  As this was my first experience with Leiny’s Oktoberfest, I would describe myself as impressed but not blown away.  Kind of like most of Leiny’s beer.  Always a solid choice, but there is usually something better if you are willing to spend a few more dollars.  On the other hand, if I go to a gathering or party and Leiny is offered I am usually quite pleased and grateful.

    I have noticed that Sunset Wheat on tap is noticeably better than from the bottle.  I wonder if that would apply to Oktoberfest.  I hope my local pub — Aubree’s — will switch out the Sunset Wheat for Oktoberfest so I can find out for myself.  But hopefully they can at least wait until football season has kicked off.

  • Epic Product Reviews: Hop Hound Amber Wheat

    Ruff, Ruff!! I'm Hop Hound the rockin' dog!

    It’s difficult to know what to expect when macro-brewers endeavor to create a craft beer.  Sometimes it works out, and sometimes it doesn’t.  As for the effort, I like to think that even though the idea sprang from a whorish money grabbing attempt by the marketing department, those who actually get to brew the beer relish the opportunity to construct a legitimate, quality beverage.

    Hop Hound Amber Wheat, from our old pals at Anheuser Busch/InBev, fills the entire spectrum of poor marketing and decent craftsmanship.  Has anyone seen an ad for Hop Hound?  If you have, please clue me in.  And why not blitz the airwaves with advertising for Hop Hound, I mean, there’s a freaking dog on the label!  The possibilities are endless.  Never mind that the dog on Hop Hound looks like Poochie, the cartoon dog from The Simpsons that was used to make Itchy and Scratchy seem new and fresh, it’s still a dog!

    I have to go now. My planet needs me…to sell beer!

    The Hop Hound dog may not be totally in my face, but he’s got a modicum of attitude and style.  Besides, before he was jailed for statutory rape, sent to rehab and found Jesus, Spuds McKenzie proved that even a crack-addled canine can sell beer.

    A sweatshirt? Really, Spuds? I know it was the 80's but come on…

    As for the beer, Hop Hound isn’t bad at all.  Certainly not the disgrace that is Bud Light Golden Wheat.  Hop Hound, for starters, tastes like beer.  It has a decent amount of complexity to it.  Sort of a light, malty, wheat flavor with citrus undertones.  Not bad for a hot July 4th barbeque, certainly better than Bud Light, my other option.  I do wonder why a beer that has relatively little hoppiness (is that a word?) calls itself Hop Hound.  Maybe to a dog it is hoppy, but I digress.  The fact that it falls short of Costco’s Kirkland Signature Amber Ale is perhaps a question of taste.  I have no doubt that there will be those who really like Hop Hound, and kudos to them.  Personally, I don’t see myself buying it again but who knows, like I said it had some things going for it.  I just can’t help but feel that it lacked soul.  Maybe it was the dog.  Maybe there is a degree of prejudice because this is the same conglomeration that created Bud Light Golden Wheat. 

    I will say that I am now interested to try Michelob’s Shock Top, their take on a Belgian white.  Hop Hound is good enough to give me a little hope.  If I do try it, you will be the first to know.  Not literally.  The person who sells me the beer will know, and so will my wife, and maybe a friend or two.  But rest assured dear readers, you will be no more than fifth or sixth on the list…

    On a side note, how come there are never any cats on beer bottles?  And I don’t mean tigers or lions or leopards or ocelots or any other near relation.  I mean a domestic house cat.  As the owner of two cats, I can assure you that they can party with the best of them.  I’m throwing down the gauntlet, beer makers, I want a cat on my beer bottle by the end of the year.  I can see it now, Founders Ferocious Feline IPA.  Make it happen.

  • Epic Product Reviews: Bud Light Golden Wheat

    Your eyes are not deceiving you.  What follows is a review of Bud Light Golden Wheat.  Why, you ask?  Did I fall and hit my head?  Did I recently give up self-mutilation and feel a need to wound myself?  No to all.  We’ve seen the commercials and wondered. I have written glowingly about Budweiser American Ale, and stand by those writings.  Could Anheuser-Busch/InBev or whatever the hell they call themselves now strike gold two times?  I was curious to find out…

    Not so curious to try it before now.  If you are a price conscious beer shopper, then you may have noticed that a six pack of Bud Light Golden Wheat is priced at $7.49.  I’m not that curious, especially considering a six pack of Leiny’s Sunset Wheat is $6.99 and Bell’s Oberon is $7.99.  Anyone who would choose Golden Wheat over those two at that price is insane, stupid, or some horrifying combination of the two.  But this past weekend, it was on sale for $5.99.  Why not go for it?  I justified it by saying I could write a review; such is my love for you, dear Epic Portions readers that I was willing to not only purchase Bud Light Golden Wheat, but consume it as well, all for your knowledge and edification. 

    But is it that bad?  How low were my expectations?  If on a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being the beer equivalent of fermented horse urine, and 10 being the most delicious wheat beer ever (Hoegaarden), I was hoping for a 5 or 6.  Something akin to Blue Moon Light.  Not totally unrealistic considering that the aforementioned Bud American Ale is a very solid amber ale.

    Quite often the word FAIL is casually tossed around, but after trying Bud Light Golden Wheat I now believe the use of FAIL was intended specifically for this product.  It is wretched.  The bottle claims it is brewed with, “coriander and citrus peels.”  I defy anyone to tell me they can taste either in Golden Wheat.  I couldn’t taste coriander, I couldn’t taste citrus, but I could sure as hell taste Bud Light.  Even after drinking five of them, I still couldn’t taste either.  And at 4.1% alcohol, I was unable to drink myself into a state of no longer caring.  I stumbled upstairs to bed, knowing that I would awaken the next morning with a shame not felt by yours truly since I was single.  Waking up next to Golden Wheat made me feel like I needed to bathe in disinfectant.

    Surely some kind of sexually transmitted disease was passed on when these two hooked up

    On a side note, written on the bottle is the following:  “Unflitered wheat beer will settle.  Roll gently to mix.”  Not to go all beer snob on them, but do they mean DECANT?  I’m supposed to decant my bottle of Bud Light Golden Wheat?!?!  And like an idiot I did!  I spent an hour apologizing to my frosty mug for subjecting it to Golden Wheat.  Trust me, you haven’t really suffered from humiliation until a frosty mug has called you a “sorry-ass piece of shit.”  Time to take up self-mutilation, I suppose.

    Great pain and suffering can produce great art, and while I am no artist I did compose a haiku to cleanse myself of the befouling beast of Golden Wheat:

    bud light golden wheat

    a golden shower of shame

    summer beer failure