Epic Portions

Tag: tios

  • Man v. Food is Dead to Me

    Man v. Food has been one of my favorite shows since it began a few years ago.  It’s like a good version of Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives with a likable host and an eating challenge at the end.  What is there not to love?  When I first saw it,  I felt like it was a natural fit that Epic Portions began covering it.  Travel Channel even sent me season one on DVD for free.

    I always hoped that Adam Richman would bring his show to Ann Arbor so I could hang out during production.  This week, the time finally came.  News started circling that the show was being filmed at Blimpy Burger on Wednesday, which was an obvious choice.  If someone was in town visiting and I needed one place to take them, Blimpy would more than likely be the winner.

    His next stop was the Maze and Blue Deli, which I found to be a little odd.  I could probably think of ten places I would have recommended over it.  I’m not saying the place isn’t good, but come on.  Just because it has “Maze and Blue” in the name doesn’t mean you have to stop there while in Ann Arbor.  I could open up a bike repair shop and call it “Maze and Blue Bike Shop”, but it wouldn’t mean you should take your bike to me to get fixed.  I don’t know shit about bikes. I would probably break your bike even more than it already was.

    I did everything I could to find out where the eating challenge would take place.  I scoured the internet, I talked to my insiders(HA!), and I kept my ear to the streets.  I was going to find Mr. Richman and I was going to be present for the challenge.  I had work  off, a full tank of gas, and a dream.  I finally found where out where it was all taking place, and what I read horrified me.

    They selected Tios’ Mexican Cafe as their final destination.

    Out of all places, they chose Tios.  Tios Mexican Cafe.  The WORST food in the area, perhaps the state. The place that has done everything in their power to DESTROY Mexican food.  The challenge turned out to be something I have written before… A hideous five pound pile of slop known as Mount Nacheesmo.

    More like Mount Pile of Garbage! Haha!

    Seriously, that is television worthy?  I could make that in my house and it would look/taste about 100 times better.  I was completely confused on this decision.  Ann Arbor has great local joints that really say something about the city, other than “Hey, we fucking hate Mexican food so we’re going to destroy it.  Here, have an enormous burrito filled with cat food and beans, and topped with yellow cheese and bland enchilada sauce.”  Why did Tios get the selection?  9/10 people that know food will tell you that Tios’ food sucks.  It’s common knowledge.  Couldn’t someone on the research team ask a local what they thought of the place and possibly recommend a good place to go?

    Some time ago, I read WouldIBuyitAgain.com’s, rant on the resturuant selection in the Indianapolis.   I now see what he means.  The selection process on Man v. Food has gotten awful.  I will no longer watch Man v. Food.  Let the boycott begin.

  • Tios’ World Famous* Wet Burrito

    Since I am currently in the middle of an intense boycott of Tios’ Mexican Cafe, there has never been a way for me to share with the readers who do not reside in Ann Arbor the absolute horror that is their food.  That ends now.  Some poor soul went and paid $10.00 for one of their world famous* wet burritos and snapped a picture of it.  (thanks uchian)

    Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Tios’ Mexican Cafe’s world famous* wet burrito.

    World Famously Terrible

    Now all we need is for the Ann Arbor location to go under.  Hmm, wonder if they’ll blame the new location going out of business on Ann Arbor’s economy like they did after the Ypsilanti one closed.  It couldn’t possibly be that the food is awful.  No way.

    If you’re unfamiliar with my hatred for Tios Mexican Cafe, I urge you to review the battle archives.

    * – denotes bullshit

  • Mission Accomplished.

    After many months of attempting to persuade the city of Ypsilanti to rid itself of of Tios Mexican Cafe, it was brought to my attention this morning that I have won the first battle in my defense of Mexican cuisine.  Tios’ Ypsilanti location is now closed for business. 

     

    I say this is simply a victory in battle, rather than a war, because there is still a Tios location open in Ann Arbor and while the seats stay primarily empty, it has managed to stay afloat.  Tios must be stopped.

    If you have forgotten why we fight this bloody but important war, I urge you to review the Tios Battle Archives and renew your hatred for their attempted destruction of authentic Mexican cuisine.

    Thank you, residents of Ypsilanti, for resisting their signs advertising a “World Famous Wet Burrito”, “Best Mexican Food in Ypsilanti”, and other propaganda aimed at destroying Mexican food in our community.  This city is host to many great Mexican restaurants, and I urge you to give them a try.

    I now give you Tios on fire.  I love this picture.