Author: Todd

  • Vietnamese Coffee – “Weasel Filtered”

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    Friend and Epic Portions contributor Dave spent a year in Cambodia, visiting Vietnam to explore all things strange and delicious. Having been recently sidelined with an Achilles Tendon tear (I do not wish this on anyone, including my enemies!), I’ve spent a lot of time on the couch.  Dave recently came through with a dandy little pick-me-up in the form of Vietnamese “Weasel” Coffee.

    “Weasel” Coffee – or Kopi Luwak is one of the most expensive coffees in the world ($100-$500/pound when bought in the United States).  The reason for this is kind of…gross:

    Weasel coffee is made from Coffee Berries that have been eaten by, and passed through the digestive system of any of a family of Civets, little “weasel”-like creatures residing in the Indonesian Archipelago (Sumatra, Java, Bali, and Sulawesi).  That’s right – you heard me – Civets eat coffee berries..and crap them out.

    Civets consume the red coffee cherries, picking only the ripest and sweetest fruit. As a result, the Civets naturally select the best coffee beans.  The inner bean of the berry isn’t digested.  Rather,  enzymes in Civet’s stomach add to the coffee’s flavor by breaking down the proteins that give coffee its bitter taste. The beans are defecated, still covered in some inner layers of the berry. The beans are washed, and given only a light roast so as to not destroy the complex flavors that develop through the process. Light roasting is means that one of the best characteristics of Weasel Coffee is that most of that ‘coffee bitterness’ is removed.

    Let me be more direct – Kopi Luwak is the greatest coffee in the world.  Hands down.  Game over.  Holy moly – I could drink a barrel of this stuff.

    In the morning.  And another barrel later in the afternoon.

    It’s flavor profile is completely unique, with deep nutty tones, and a million other Southeast Asian flavors that my couch-imprinting behind has yet to experience.

    The Weasel Coffee experience is wonderful. Preparation is slow and delicate – detailed by the wonderful folks over at Wandering Spoon in their article on Vietnamese Coffee (Ca Phe). [Check out those drawings!  Wish I was that good.]

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    Water is first heated to just below boiling and poured into the cup sitting atop coffee mugs.  This cup is filled with a small amount of the Kopi Luwak/Ca Phe.  These grounds are incredibly fine – almost a dust!

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    The drip action is slow, allowing this incredibly strong, highly-caffeined coffee to drip through the dense, roughly filtered grounds.

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    This coffee is STRONG.  So you don’t need much to knock you back.  You’ll then want to add lots of sugar and milk.  The custom is to add sweetened condensed milk to taste.  Here, we instead use raw cane sugar and evaporated milk – same difference.

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    The sweetened, condensed (or evaporated – milk with half the water removed) milk adds a rich, creamy texture and gives the coffee a lot of body.

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    Many people love to put this coffee on ice.  People like me aren’t satisfied with that, and add Baileys (or its value mart equivalent).

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    If you can get your hands on this stuff, Enjoy!  I’ll have the bag Dave left at my house in a safe in the garage guarded by my Chihuahua attack dog.

  • Happy Halloween with Vietnamese Cobra/Scorpion Liquor!

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    Yeah…just kidding.  Of course we’re posting on our favorite holiday.  Halloween has it all:

    1. Scared children
    2. Strangers
    3. A chance to wear drag!
    4. An excuse to buy a ton of candy…for the ‘children’
    5. A chance to be a hobo, Nick Nolte’s Mug shot, or a bear attack victim (my last three costumes).

    So in honor of halloween, I’m posting photos of the most horrifingly scary liquor since Jagermeister.

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    Retrieved from the clutches of a Vietnamese warlord in an Ong-Bak style brawl in Hanoi by an Epic Portions contributor (Thanks Dave!!), this liquor is rumored to have a variety of medicinal and sensual benefits.  Actually, he bought it for $5.

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    Unlike many of the other cobra/snake/scorpion whiskeys out there, this bottle contains both a Cobra AND a scorpion.  That makes it a two for one deal: aphrodisiac AND old fashioned virility tonic!

    Simpson and Son’s Revitalizing Tonic, a home remedy that'll put the zowsers back in your trousers.
    Simpson and Son’s Revitalizing Tonic, a home remedy that'll put the zowsers back in your trousers.

    Homer: Sir! Uh, hello sir! Yes, you look like a man who needs help
    satisfying his wife. So —
    [man slugs him in the face]
    Ow! Oh…I guess people have some sort of *moral* objection to
    our sex drug.
    Abe: [grabbing bottle] Lemme sell it, you idjit.
    [takes deep breath] Step right up, folks, and witness the
    magnificent medicinal miracle of Simpson & Son’s patented
    revitalizing toniiic.
    [takes deep breath] Put some ardor in your larder with our
    energizing, moisturizing, tantalizing, romanticizing, surprising,
    her-prizing, revitalizing tonic.
    — Abe, closet huckster, “Grampa vs. Sexual Inadequacy”

    Yes, that’s right folks. Step right up…if you DARE!

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  • Goodbye, Summer

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    With the Detroit Tigers recent slide away from ownership of the AL Central, it is officially time to bid goodbye to Summer….

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    Oh delicious ballpark hotdog – how we loved thee.  We wait for your impending return.  HAIL TO THEE!

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    Oh Chicago style hotdog – you gave us so much.  Confusion – “WHAT?!  NO KETCHUP?!”  Indigestion.  Filled stomachs and love for America’s Second City.  Long live thine Red Hot!  We await your return!


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    Oh crazy dancing vendor guy.  We will miss your brilliant Miller Lite salesmanship.  We bid you farewell for a lovely winter!  May your beer aways remain cold, but unfrozen in the Michigan winter.  May your dancing skills remain keen and hilarious.  May you always remember to stretch to prevent game-ending injuries.  Farewell, good sir.  Farewell.