Epic Portions

Tag: food

  • Trader Joe’s, I Love You.

    Too often in this world we don’t get a chance to tell those we care about how we feel until it is too late.  Well, I’m not going to let that happen to me!  Trader Joe’s, you are awesome and I love you.  From your delicious trail mixes, specialty beer, three buck Chuck, pre-cooked chicken sausage (amazing), sauces and desserts, to the way you rip off my iPod every time I shop there. The last two times I went there TJ’s was piping in Radiohead and Bob Marley.  When was the last time you heard Radiohead at a grocery store?

    TJ's never leaves me High and Dry.

    As for delicious food, I would specifically like to speak about several different TJ’s specialties that have won my heart.  For an appetizer, start with Trader Joe’s Horseradish Hummus and Trader Joe’s Pita Chips.  Combine these two and life is grand.  I had never found a horseradish hummus before I first spotted it at TJ’s and have seen it nowhere else since.  Too bad?  Not really, because no one could do it as well as TJ anyway.

    Trader Joe's Horseradish Hummus

    What better way to wash down horseradish hummus than beer?  TJ’s has a wonderful beer selection, but I usually get Trader Joe’s Bavarian Hefeweizen. 

    TJ's Hefeweizen

    Delicious and refreshing, I have yet to wear this out and move on to another of TJ’s beer offerings, but no doubt I eventually will.  And that one will be great as well. 

    Finally, I have to say a word about the greatest sandwich cookie known to man or beast.  The Joe-Joe.  Joe-Joe’s would be best described as similar to an Oreo, but some of the greatest minds in cookie engineering have made a better cookie. 

    Joe-Joe's. Eat and squawk loudly.

    The tops of the cookies easily peel away if, like my son, you enjoy removing the top of the cookie and eating the crème filling.  Oreo has not mastered this trick and it is still possible to break your Oreo (especially if you are six) when you try to unscrew the lid.  Unforgivable.  Joe-Joe’s also have about as much crème as a Double Stuff Oreo, so they are more robust on top of their superior engineering.  TJ’s offers them in three flavors:  vanilla cookie with vanilla crème filling, chocolate cookie with vanilla crème filling, and my favorite, chocolate cookie with chocolate crème filling.  They used to offer a chocolate cookie with a peanut butter filling that was incredible but it has been discontinued.  I never received a satisfactory answer as to why they did this, but years ago I sent a dead fish wrapped in newspaper to TJ’s Corporate HQ and feel better about the whole thing now.  Ain’t no time to hate.  Amazing how the sending of a dead fish washes away the anger…

    I plan to have a segment in the future called “Jeremy and Trader Joe’s Semi-Homemade is better than Sandra Lee’s.”  In that feature I will show how you can make a healthy and delicious dinner for a family in 20 minutes (suck on it Rachael Ray) using products purchased at TJ’s (except for shallots, which I use a lot and TJ’s does not carry.)  I often say that we here at Epic Portions have the most intelligent readership on the web, and most of you have brains and know how to combine pre-made ingredients.  I don’t think I’m some kind of genius, but since cooking duties are mine every night I appreciate a simple, healthy meal that tastes good, the kids like, and saves me a little time and effort.  Contrary to popular belief, making dinner every night with a six year old and a one year old roaming loose in the house is not the easiest thing in the world.  If my time savers can help anyone with similar duties and keep them from watching Sandra Lee than I have done something positive.  And I promise, no tablescape bullshit.

    So there it is, TJ’s.  It doesn’t matter if you feel the same about me, or that your cashier made my daughter cry, I still love you.  Maybe next time I’m there you can dim the lights and play some Barry White.  I can’t get enough of your horseradish hummus, babe.

  • Immigration: A Food Lover’s Perspective

    Bring me your naan, your guacamole, your kebobs yearning to be eaten

    There will always be political issues and debates that divide Americans.  Rarely is there a subject that the food lovers among us can weigh in with a credible and unique argument.  Food has no direct relationship with tax rates or defense spending.  But there is one hot-button political issue that should be near and dear to the hearts of all Americans who love good food.  Immigration.

    There can be no debate as to whether an open immigration policy has been beneficial to the American culinary landscape.  If I have my way, we will change the first part of the inscription on the Statue of Liberty to read:

    “Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free and share the cuisine of their native country”

    Many immigrants come to the United States to engage in the noble entrepreneurial exercise of opening a restaurant.  And we as a nation are better for it.  Within a 15 minute drive from my house, I can enjoy authentic Indian, Thai, Chinese (which includes many delicious subgroups like Cantonese or Szechwan), Ethiopian, Greek, Japanese, Jamaican, Vietnamese, Middle East (too many and too various in this area to break down by nation of origin), or Korean cuisine.  Some parts of the country can boast more, some have less, but odds are if you live near a decent sized metropolis or college town you have similar choices as well.  Quite often these places are a “hole in the wall,” but they serve succulent, freshly prepared meals that enrich our gastronomic existence.

    Still not convinced?  That’s ok because there is another side of this coin.  Many fine dining establishments are not owned by immigrants, but their presence is essential to the successful and high quality operation that exists within their kitchens.

    Many years ago, I worked at one such establishment as a bartender.  I won’t mention it by name, but it is a well regarded Italian restaurant on Main Street in downtown Ann Arbor.  One of my first shifts, I was working on a Friday morning and a member of the kitchen staff came to the bar to ask me to make the espresso/kahlua mix needed for tiramisu.  I was somewhat taken aback when I realized the person barely spoke any English.  Not a problem, we figured it out and soon I was getting to know the kitchen staff, the majority of whom were from Mexico or Latin American points nearby.  The chef spoke fluent Spanish and the kitchen ran like clockwork.

    If you think that is unique, you are wrong.  Bartenders and wait staff like to drink together after work, and it took minimal inquiry on my part to learn that the presence of immigrants working in the kitchen was the norm for most restaurants.

    Did we speculate as to their legality or status?  Hell no, we didn’t give a damn.  They worked hard, were professional and got the food up for service to the ravenous public in a timely manner.  It was a fun environment, I spoke next to no Spanish but could still understand when being hazed or ribbed by the kitchen staff.  For obvious reasons bartenders and cooks have a natural symbiotic relationship, and as a bartender I had some liberty when giving it back.

    To some, the arguments I have presented will not be appreciated.  If they would rather eat at the slice of Americana known as Applebee’s than they can go right ahead.  For me, and I submit for most food lovers real Americana is at the table of a local dive, run by someone who speaks broken English, works 12 hours a day six or seven days a week, and makes a mean tamale or authentic shawarma.

    Throughout history, the sharing of a meal has been a way of bridging the gap between cultures.  I for one consider myself fortunate to live in a country that has (for the most part) encouraged people from all over the world to come to the United States and try to create a better life for themselves.  All it takes is an open mind and an empty stomach to realize that having a minor language gap is a small price to pay for a great meal made with earnest pride.  I will leave the demagoguery of this issue to the usual suspects.  If you want to get worked up about immigration, it is your right, but I won’t join you.  I’ll probably be picking up Indian takeout.

  • Turducken. With White Castle Stuffing

    One of my favorite food blogs is Grocery Eats, which isn’t updated all that often, but when it is it’s usually gold.  I’ve been on a White Castle kick the last few days, and was pumped to see that  MF Grocery’s most recent update was a Turducken with White Castle stuffing.  They’ve got the process documented and it’s looking ridiculous.  I demand you visit right away.