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Epic Portions — …I see food and I eat it. — Page 83

Lumpy Bumpy Toffee Cake

Baking, My Recipes

My friends were pretty excited when I announced that I’d be blogging here – not just because they’re supportive and stuff, but because I also announced that I’d be hosting regular dessert parties in order to have something to write about. This past Sunday was our first: I made Lumpy Bumpy Toffee Cake, a chocolate-mascarpone-Baileys-toffee creation that was even better than I expected… and which, aesthetically, lives up to its ridiculous name.

I should note that I did not make the toffee myself. Have you ever tried to make toffee? Perhaps some day when I have nothing else to do, I’ll give that a shot. In this case, I already had two other delicious layers to make up, so I left the toffee to a pro: Audra Martin, a local toffee whiz. I bought a small jar of milk chocolate toffee and a small jar of dark, mixed them together in a ziplock bag, beat them into submission small pieces with a rolling pin, and I had my topping.

As for the rest – this is a combination of about five recipes, inspired by a sort-of similar cake seen at Sugarland in Chapel Hill NC.

Lumpy Bumpy Toffee Cake

A chocolate sponge cake with Bailey’s-mascarpone cream and toffee topping.

For the cake:

6oz good-quality dark melting chocolate (I use Ghirardelli 60%)
3 tablespoons coffee
6 large eggs, separated and brought to room temperature
2/3 cup white sugar, divided into two 1/3 cup amounts
1/2 tablespoon salt (I prefer baking with popcorn salt for the texture)

In a double-boiler, melt the chocolate and the coffee together, then allow to cool almost to room temperature. Don’t force it in the fridge, you’ll mess up the texture. Leave it be, go watch a movie or something, and just let it cool.

In a large bowl, beat the egg yolks, 1/3 cup sugar, and the salt until it all turns pale and thick. Fold in the melted chocolate.

In a separate bowl, with clean beaters, beat the egg whites until soft peak form.  Gradually beat in the other 1/3 cup sugar until it just holds soft peaks.

Gradually fold the egg whites into the yolk-chocolate mixture. Pour batter into a 9″ springform pan and bake at 350F for about 25 min or until a toothpick inserted comes out clean. Cool in the springform on a wire rack.

A note: this cake is going to deflate while cooling.  One minute it’s filling the pan, then you set it to cool, and suddenly it’s 3″ tall. It’s OK.

For the cream:

100ml Baileys Irish Cream
16oz mascarpone
2 tablespoon white sugar
slightly less than 1/2 cup heavy whipping cream (the cream and Baileys should add up to about 3/4 cup liquid)

In a large bowl, beat the mascarpone and sugar until combined. Add the Baileys and cream, and beat until it reaches a consistency you like. Try not to eat it all before you get around to assembling the cake.

To assemble:

Remove the cake from the springform and place it on a serving plate. If yours is anything like mine, your cake will have deflated, leaving a crater in the middle with slightly raised edges. Fill the cake crater with a thick, lovely layer of mascarpone, and top with roughly 2 cups toffee crumbles.

Enjoy!

High Fructose Corn Syrup, A Rant (Rated R)

Funny, Randoms, Rants

I am well aware that it is old news to rant about and bash high fructose corn syrup. Wow, Jeremy, that was like, sooooo 2008. Well, it might be a couple years too late but I’m getting my two cents in, and I’m directing the majority of my venom at Gerber. Last week I bought a package of Gerber Arrowroot Cookies for my one year old. After an excruciating mealtime of smashing bananas into her hair and throwing cantaloupe over the side of her high chair, I felt like it was ok to let her have a cookie. I know Cookie Monster retired so I feel it is now up to me to instill a lifelong love of cookies, and what better way to start than with a very basic cookie that actually tastes pretty good.

Well shame on me for not reading the ingredients at the store, but guess what cheap-ass Gerber uses to sweeten their Arrowroot Cookies? Not only is sugar listed as an ingredient, but so is our old friend, high fructose corn syrup (heretofore referred to as HFCS). My question would be why if I didn’t already know the answer. It is cheaper than sugar, and Gerber wouldn’t want the destruction of the American child’s palate to interfere with their profit margin.

For those of you who need more info on HFCS, I will refer you to wikipedia and not bore you with the gruesome details. Instead I will provide a visual aide:

Corn Syrup

Mark McGwire, 1987

 

High Fructose Corn Syrup

 

 

Mark McGwire, 1998

 

You might remember that big Agri-business ran a series of ads to despell the myth that HFCS was bad for you. I remember seeing one, at first I thought it was an ad for herpes medicine. An attractive young couple was riding bikes and then settling in for lunch in a beautiful meadow. The guy (typical clueless male dolt) suggested that the beverage his gf (or whatever) offered was bad because it had HFCS in it. Startled, she set his sorry ass straight. Case closed, right? I mean, if a commercial says it, it has to be true. Wrong. Any product that has to buy ad time to tell you that it isn’t bad for you, is bad for you. It reminded me of former Senator Larry Craig, the Minneapolis airport bathroom guy. If you have to stand up in front of a huge crowd to tell them that you aren’t gay, clearly you are gay. Not that there is anything wrong with that.

My overarching quarrel with HFCS is that products that use it either a) do not need it or b) do not taste as good as those that use sugar. Take bread for example. Go to your local megamart and check out the ingredients in the bread aisle. Most pre-sliced popular bread choices use HFCS. Why? I’m not a baker or a breadoligist but I do know that you can sweeten bread with honey or molasses and you will gain tons of flavor. It makes sense. Unless your accountants are choosing ingredients for you. As for argument b, I submit to you the “throwback” Pepsi that we see in stores. Why do this? Why did Coca-Cola taste better when I was a kid? They used real sugar…

Now, you will read studies from the braniacs at whatever institution decides to study obesity that particular week, and they will blame HFCS as well as sugar for a lot of our nation’s obesity problems. I’m not going to argue, but for the record, in almost all cases weight gain/loss is based on caloric intake versus output. To me, HFCS is just another fake sugar substitute, but a poor one in that it provides no caloric benefit. It’s worse than Splenda or Nutra-Sweet or (blech) Sweet-n-low because you are piling on empty calories every time you drink a beverage with HFCS. And I don’t give a shit if anyone says I’m inaccurate or don’t understand the science. I’m going Colbert on this one, my gut tells me I’m right and I’m sticking with it.

Now, I’m well aware from the e-mail I get that we have a considerable fan base among farmers that grow corn. All I can say to you is ethanol! My beef isn’t with you, anyway. Which brings me back to Gerber. I’m not expecting a change, and though you are a Michigan based company it is with a heavy heart that I say, in the eloquent words of former Vice-President Dick Cheney, go fuck yourself. I’ve already switched to Sprout when I buy baby food, and have no intention of buying your crappy products anymore.

There is a difference between sweetening soda with HFCS, and sweetening toddler arrowroot cookies with HFCS. If corporate America wants to roll this way, then it is my duty to call you out whenever I feel moved to do so. According to the Supreme Court, a corporation has the same rights as individuals, which I call bullshit for one obvious reason: I can’t punch a corporation in the face. But I can unleash the might of WordPress on you, you bastards. Stings a bit, doesn’t it Gerber?

To summarize, I’m going to be more diligent checking ingredients in the future. I’m going to start shopping at Whole Foods more often even though it is inconvenient and expensive. I’m going to continue to lob insults and profanities at companies that insist on putting HFCS in every damn product that used to contain sugar as the sole sweetener. And (gasp) I might even bake my own cookies for my daughter. At least they will look better in her hair than mashed bananas.

Turkey Cheese Fries

Randoms

I have noticed an abundance of Super Bowl commercials on blogs as of late.  I refuse to post any Super Bowl commercials on Epic Portions because they were all terrible.  Instead, I give you Turkey Cheese Fries. Good luck getting this one out of your head


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